relativity
the lights went out. it wasn't less dangerous. i was not entertained. my brain is sprained. i'm pained to state these facts, but i'm at an impasse. i'm trapped between hard places and rocks. i'm in an avalanche. i'm in a woman's handbag, clutching the little lipstick applicators and pennies. i put the coins in my eyes so i can see clearly the thought of money, burning in my spoiled mind, a rectangle is the shape of cash, i'm alarmed and ashamed, sashaying through this ethereal armada of slowed down pedestrian decadence. watery to the taste, late for the birthday, labeled as such, a solid effort, an affront to the senses and abrupt. and not fluttering much. little tiny insects around me annoying. so saccharine and cloying, the absorption of the thin wristed limp lipped boys, calling me out on my sadism. payed well, broken legs under the table, level up to hell. a new station in life, maintaining the facade and borrowing time, rewind the cassette of ligament tape. press the flesh and undo countless years of dastardly damage to the well oiled oozing zone, the flesh tuba, the clueless orca. i am bandaged, sweating for a cause. in effect, i'm gnashing my jaws and chewing up rotten meat. maggots are inside, they are in a new country now. they are in a new tube going down. esophagus highway to intestine city. i never said it would be pretty. i'm pretty sorry that i implied certain things. are you kidding, i'm never sorry. i don't want to do that. i'm not qualified to tame a vampire bat with lots of catnip and cologne. i'm never all alone. i'm crawling with parasites. i'm better than you. i'm the center of the universe. all my thoughts are absolutely true. you would look nice with a bullet hole in your forehead. she would look nice with a knife in her neck. this is something i've heard before, it's something i would expect from someone with no conscience. you are the kind of guy that wouldn't pet a dog. you are the kind of guy that is wrong. you're a diamond spray-painted black. you're giving me a soul attack. sour soul, insipid. she sipped the stinging stuff and slurred her speech, she was something i was beneath. scratch that, reverse it. what does it all mean? smurf it. this story is perfect. i'm inert, rotting like bologna on the counter. i'm one of the fiends you will encounter. i will prevail, i will enable myself to win the game, i will be snotty and sassy, dainty and crabby. i want another all beef patty. i want mayonnaise. i want to nuke the maze. i don't care for all those twists and turns and dead ends. the dead ends of life are everywhere, and there's no turning back. there's a war, there's an attack on decency. there's assault on peace and clean living. clean thoughts are nonexistent at this point in time. cynicism is the hive mind. there is no escape, resistance is futile, life is not worthwhile. stop and think for a moment. did you really want that donut? did you or didn't you? the girl gave me the wrong one. she's new, and dumb. what happened to the other employee? has she taken her leave? she knew what she was doing. she knew what thoughts were brewing in the minds of the consumers of a sticky poison product that would get her to feel awestruck. i'm not able to bear this weight of nonsense any longer. i'm not better, faster or stronger. i'm not made of money, money doesn't grow on trees. but we don't mind, we've all had lobotomies. we're doing what we can with what we have. we're brain damaged, we're mad, we're unexpected saviors, burgeoning. we're ruling you out. we are now eating pig snout. i enlist the help of my imaginary friend. i don't really believe in him, he's been dead for years. he suffered and died for no reason at all. for no rhyme, no purpose. the suffering was fun. it had a strong effect on my sense of humor. it's time to start over. i can't create any more. i'm a dried up well of sorrow. i'm wilted and drying out, cracking up. i'm turning into dust that will collect on stones that will be inscribed with dead mens' names. i'm not ashamed, i'm beyond that. i'm a real gone cat. i'm a smooth daddy, i'm pleasing to the eye, i'm maddening, i'm spry and in the bloom of cruelty, using up all that i see. i am a crime. i am not fit and i am not done yet. i am in my prime, i'm not worth one thin dime. glory days that never were. i'm never going to purr. i'm deserted and a waste. abjection puts me in my place. i'm hung up, tied down, and force fed garbage that makes me frown. i'm not willing. i'm sick of the routine. i'm annoyed by all i've seen. i can't take anymore. i can't face the consequences of a million casual cold hearted actions. i can't stand the sound of them laughing. you're forcing me to violence. i'm forcing myself to be silent. i'm sickened. i'm cold to the core. i can't understand anything anymore. life doesn't even make sense to a child. as the child grows, it becomes too wild and thrashes around and makes messes and screams and makes noise and bleeds. this is something we all need to be aware of. this is a shame, this is the life. this is going to be another waste, this is going to cause untold strife. this is going down the drain to the end of a pipe. a sewage treatment plant can't fix these beaten souls, they evaporate into heaven, but they're too late. the place has been abandoned by the creator. he said, "see ya later!" and went to another universe. well, could things get any worse? don't ever say that. you can't sway the gnat. you can't abstain from the exercise mat. i can't fathom why anyone would do a jumping jack. i'm doctor death, i'm doctor doom. i've been sucker punched and sent to my room for saying bad words. i was cussing, i wanted to be heard. i was making noise and cursing my creator. i still believe that i'm my own savior. i'm not the best i could be, but i'm the only one that matters. i've got a bullet in a gun and now the blood splatters. why are you taking a work of fiction seriously? really? really? yeah, really. you really got me. i really know what i'm doing. don't try to stop me. i've been doing this for years. nobody can eliminate my ghostly thoughts. i'm my own holocaust. i can't be a cancer, i can be a worm. this is something i've earned. a fistful of hatred, and a battle tank of ungratefulness. i'm plagued and sense sins, i feel horrible energy. i am not going to win. i already won, but i felt nothing. i only express emotion when it's negative. i'm abominable, but it's all relative.