(Untitled)

[goldeneyedflash]

Training with Tim. Lab work. Training with Dick. More work. Sleep until dawn. Then start over. That was Bart's life in a nutshell. Except that it was going to change because Dick had informed him he was signing up for his gymnastics class. The words were Dick's, but it was an order from Nightwing. And Jill was still worried

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[cantstopmoving]

Pass after pass, Bart misses tricks, misses landings, leaves out critical turns. On the horse, his swings lack focus and precision, having just raw power from the anger leaking off him like a thin black oil slick. Dick wants to work it out of him, but Bart's inside himself so far putting him on bars or rings or anything where concentration's any more critical is asking for him to get hurt.

If anything hurts Bart today, it's going to be him.

He watches Bart stretch, arms crossed over his chest, fingers tapping impatiently against his bicep. His question snaps Dick's patience and he's in motion before Bart can finish the sentence, standing over him when he does.

"You want to know the point? Get up." Bart's not talking about the gymnastics, really. He's not talking at all. Dick's let Kon and Cassie and Jill try. Hell, he's tried. Now they're going to settle it a little differently. At least for today.

[goldeneyedflash]

His head snapped up towards Dick at that, a cold glare of hatred that had a target, at least for now. But Bart wasn't going to let him get more than that, because he'd lose more than his temper, so he took his time getting to his feet, silently daring him to make him move faster.

[cantstopmoving]

Dick stands, arms loose at his sides, feet spread. He'll wait. Bart ought to know better. You can't bait a Bat into throwing down. Childish. Petty. Infantile aggression.

Bart played at training. He faked his way through everything but housewifery. If that's what he wants, then he can have it. But he has to choose it.

"Whenever you're ready."

[goldeneyedflash]

Bart looked at him, assessing, and wasn't about to play this game today. He was just sick of it. That he'd never be good enough, or fast enough, or capable of being half what Dick or Tim did in their sleep.

"So you can hand me my ass like always? No thanks," he growled, starting to turn away. "I don't need this."

[cantstopmoving]

Swallowing his anger, Dick exhales slowly through his nose but his arms remain loose at his sides. He's tired of wasting his time here. Tired of Bart wasting everyone's time, including his own.

"You can walk away today. You can keep walking away like you've been doing for months." Sharp, but true. And Bart needs to make a move or he's going to snap. "But the stuff you're walking away from, it'll all still be here tomorrow."

[goldeneyedflash]

"I died, Dick. And I knew it was going to happen," Bart snapped, spinning on him, not even realizing he was throwing a punch until his hand was well on the way to connecting.

[cantstopmoving]

Dick could easily have ducked the punch or side-stepped it. He cartwheels away from it, drops into a roll, and comes up farther from Bart and facing him. Showing him the use of gymnastics is the point.

"We all die knowing it's going to happen," he says from his new position, several steps away, still loose and waiting for the next punch. "Most of us know we'll die doing what we do. Knowing the specifics and doing it anyway? That just makes you more of a hero."

[goldeneyedflash]

"I'm not a hero, dammitall," Bart said, circling to the left, keeping moving, just like he knows to in a fight. "It was the coward's way out. Suicide by Rogue. I wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of what I'd done. Still not. You don't even know me, Dick, and you're judging, you all do it."

He lunged, ignoring how much he'd telegraphed the move, just wanting this all to stop. He wasn't going to just snap out of it, or get better, or deal with things. "I don't want to be the Flash anymore. Never again. The last few times I had to put on the suit, I hated it, hated me for having to be that person, someone I'll never be. Wally can have it."

[cantstopmoving]

"Judging?" Dick sidesteps, flips up and over and comes up behind Bart, not breathing hard, not even looking to hit him. He's past beyond angry to incredulous, clear in his face from the widespread eyes and his mocking tone. "Yes, I'm judging you a good man. One Batman would vouch for."

Dropping his arms, he shakes his head and closes on Bart again, taking away the space where Bart's speed gives him an advantage. "If you don't want to do it, then don't. Stop training. Stop half-assing it. I won't make you if you want out." He circles with Bart; Bart fights stupid when he's angry. If Dick wanted him down, he'd be in the dirt. "But I'm not letting you commit suicide by Bat, by island, or by neglect, either, and neither is Tim."

[goldeneyedflash]

"It feels right," Bart said, quietly, still angry, knowing he's probably made a dozen mistakes Dick could have used against him by now, a hundred, but he doesn't care.

"Even if I'm not wearing a mask, pretending to be someone I'm not, I can't stand back and pretend. That hurts more than anything you could ever do to me on purpose."

[cantstopmoving]

His eyes close, his head shakes back and forth once, a minimal controlled dismissive motion, before he shrugs fluidly and moves from sparring partner to sensei, feet spread and arms crossed.

"There's no sport in hurting someone on purpose. And there's nothing I can do to you that's worse than what you're doing to yourself." Bat-blue eyes blaze out confidence, determination, and maybe harsher than anger: disappointment. He's disappointed in Bart. "You can't go back. You won't go forward. You're stuck in a bog and you're pulling your teammates there with you. Either step up or step aside. You'd be making this choice at home if you'd lived. So make it here instead."

Bart's not as unique as he likes to think. They all choose, all the time. Cissie decided to quit. Dick decided to become Nightwing. Roy became Speedy, and on. It was the nature of being a young hero, or a young anything.

"Time to grow up, Bart."

[goldeneyedflash]

"Even if I'd lived, I'd never be the Flash again. Without my speed, what good am I to anyone? I'm not like you, or Tim, or Roy. I'm just a one-trick pony that went lame," Bart said, unable to meet that gaze, toeing the ground. He didn't know who he was, or whether he could even be anything anymore.

"I wanted to be...something, but all I ever do is screw up."

[cantstopmoving]

"You're not the only meta who ever lost his abilities." Canary lost her cry. Donna gave hers up. Stripping metas of their powers is a common form of attack. And the most effective means of neutralizing. The Bats keep files on how to take them all out. All of which Bart knows. "Monet, Karo, Cassie, Kon. They're all making the best of it, trying to learn compensate."

Dick levels him with a look. "The only difference between you and Roy is that he got over his addictions and busted his ass. We're all addicted to our pasts, Bart. The trick is learning to forgive yourself and move on."

[goldeneyedflash]

"For over a year I was the Speed Force, Dick. And when we finally got it back where it belongs, it dumped me like yesterday's news. It brought Jay back from the dead, it needed to be used so badly, but it didn't want me," Bart said, trying to explain. He hadn't lost his powers, that he might have been able to cope with, eventually. But being rejected by the one constant in his life was worse than being shot, worse than when his scout died. Worse than dying.

"And I was ready to kill Inertia if it meant I could have that back."

[cantstopmoving]

"And Batman fired me." His constant. His one true thing. It isn't that Dick thinks he's had it worse or that he can understand everything Bart feels. But he's frustrated by Bart's attitude.

He exhales slowly, pulling himself back to center and rebalancing over the balls of his feet. "Bart, I stood at the edge of that precipice too when Blockbuster threatened to kill everyone I'd ever even met as a means of getting to me. I didn't stop Tarantula when she wanted to shoot him. You feel like you've failed us all and you can never come back from it, right? I get it, Bart."

Slowly, he lets his arms fall to his sides. "We all understand, even if we don't know exactly how it looks and feels to you. You can tell us over and over. But it's not going to stop until you choose for it to stop. You have to stop giving that power over your future, and only you can do that."

[goldeneyedflash]

"I don't even know where to start. Or stop. You've seen me, I keep freezing up when I'm in the middle of things. Yeah, I'm holding back the team, I realize that, you don't have to keep shoving it in my face," Bart said, trying not to spit out the words. "But I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I never did."