Interesting opening scene - definately enough to pique my curiosity. (It's funny, I'm having flashbacks to the recent BBC production of "the Virgin Queen" when I read it.)
If I'm reading it right, this is the opening of the novel, which is set 350 years before the rest of the novel, right? In which case, if it's a legend, it should be told as such. At the moment, it's kind of stuck halfway. It's lacking the immediacy of a point of view character in the scene, but the detail is too precise for it being reported hundreds of years after the fact.
Also, I'd say slow down with it. You're dumping a lot of info that could be better shown/explained later on in the story (things like "her usually lustrous red hair" and "He wasn’t tall, certainly shorter than the queen who verged on the statuesque and was indeed considered too tall by most of the men she towered above.") That sort of thing tends to interrupt the flow as well.
I hope that that wasn't too brutal. I'd like to see more of this story, and much respect to you fo actually getting down and writing!
I know what you mean about the legend and the fact that it should be told as such. It's set in an alternate elizabethan world and will echo the life of Elizabeth in ways. It was written in one fell swoop. I just wrote and it will need a lot of work. I just wanted to start. You're right as well about slowing down. It needs to be more measured and I will rewrite the beginning.
Thanks for the comments though. It's what I needed to hear. Hope you're writing too :-)
If I'm reading it right, this is the opening of the novel, which is set 350 years before the rest of the novel, right? In which case, if it's a legend, it should be told as such. At the moment, it's kind of stuck halfway. It's lacking the immediacy of a point of view character in the scene, but the detail is too precise for it being reported hundreds of years after the fact.
Also, I'd say slow down with it. You're dumping a lot of info that could be better shown/explained later on in the story (things like "her usually lustrous red hair" and "He wasn’t tall, certainly shorter than the queen who verged on the statuesque and was indeed considered too tall by most of the men she towered above.") That sort of thing tends to interrupt the flow as well.
I hope that that wasn't too brutal. I'd like to see more of this story, and much respect to you fo actually getting down and writing!
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Thanks for the comments though. It's what I needed to hear. Hope you're writing too :-)
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