The Hypocrisy Known as Life
This is a first person stream of consciousness from Reverend Dimmesdale’s point of view from the novel "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I attempted to capture the emotions he felt when he was accusing Hester upon the scaffold in the beginning of the novel. This was meant as a school project but I wanted to post it so if you've read this book, please tell me what you think!
I stood above her, looking down into those knowing orbs; those sparkling windows that were staring back into my soul. As our eyes connected, I truly wished that I could glance away but I was unable to. I felt as if I were some how transfixed by those golden irises that knew my worst character flaw, my embarrassing short-coming, my ultimate sin; the pinnacle failure of my existence.
I inhaled shakily, the cold air tearing at my throat as the rate of my breathing increased along with the speed of my heart. My voice cracked when I tried to speak. I attempted again, finally being able to utter a single sentence,
“I-I charge thee to speak out the name of they fellow sinner.” I pleaded with her; desperately appealing for her to reveal my sin to the entire congregation that looked up to me as if I were some sort of god. Unblinkingly, I gazed down into those sun-touched pupils as I summoned an amount of courage within my chest from depths unbeknownst to my personal being.
“Be not silent from any mistaken pity and tenderness for him; for, believe me, Hester, though he were to step down from a high place, and stand there beside thee, on they pedestal of shame, yet better were it so, than to hide a guilty heart through life.” Surprisingly, my voice sounded rich and deep when the tremor of my tone reached my ears. My voice rang out clear and strong, yet a melancholy and sorrowful note could be heard beneath my eloquent speech if one were to listen closely enough to recognize and catch those broken whispers that my heart spouted before the multitude of quaint villagers. How could this be happening to me? Me, of all people! I am a pious pastor, never committing an injustice upon another being, or at least, rarely doing so. My life was unblemished, barely splattered with the deep crimson flecks of sin. Then why was it that I was captivated so by this vibrant woman before me? How could I allow myself to be so weak in the moment of my greatest temptation? I know now what bitterness truly is; my soul weeps and writhers in agony with every bleak morn. My innermost being aches with each waking moment for my heart quivers with fear that some one will discover my secret and expose me for what I truly am...a disgrace of a man, a hypocrisy in my very nature.
I abhor meeting that woman in the market square; both of us deciphering what is concealed beneath this fabricated charade in which we live. I desire to free her of the burden inflicted upon her delicate frame. She should not have to suffer through the indescribable pain bound to her chest in the form of that dammed letter. It is a cruel blow made by pompous old men who have decided to seal her fate in such an un-dignifying manner. It is sheer irony that my dear Hester must endure this torture alone, for after all; I am equally, if not more so to blame for what occurred between us on that fated night. It is my fault that this is the unfortunate outcome of events. I should have prevailed through that onslaught of seduction; I should have summoned up enough courage to announce to the world that I was this adulteress’s partner! Yet here I am, standing on this pulpit above the masses, too weak, too pathetic to confess that dastardly action which I am solely responsible for. Even if I happen to surrender myself over to the authorities for proper punishment, there will still be a stifling weight upon my heart….my soul can not possibly bare either ending. I can not stomach witnessing Hester being punished while I remain free of all blame and yet, I also cannot go through the rest of my life with this guilty conscious tearing apart my entire existence; this absurd hypocrisy known as life. May the Almighty One receive this solemn prayer and take pity upon sinners such as myself. I realize that the power to change my fate is not within my grasp; there is naught to do but to accept the destiny laid out before me. I know not what shall happen. All is left up to Providence to decide what shall become of the wretched souls of that fair woman and myself, that troubled pair of helpless sinners. May the Lord help us all.
Disclaimer:
Dimmesdale, Hester Prynne and the quoted dialogue are from “The Scarlet Letter” and are copyright to Nathaniel Hawthorne. I claim nothing and do not take any ownership of these characters or similar phrases or words found within this book. All that is mine are the words in which I have attempted to reveal Dimmesdale’s thoughts and feelings during the first scaffold scene. Please do not accuse me of copyright infringement. Thank you and may you take pleasure in what I have offered as a small contribution to this lovely, romantic yet tragic novel.
Copyrights
The Scarlet Letter, Dimmesdale, Hester Prynne (c) Nathaniel Hawthorne