Kill me gently, KaixUruha, Part 1/?
Title: Kill me gently
Chapter: 1/?
Author:
golden_kimono
Genre: General, some drama (but it's not that bad, I think)
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: KaixUruha, RukixKai (if you squint), mention of ReitaxAoi later on
Summary: Kai and Uruha have been together for a few months, but it's not the happy relationship it started out as.
Disclaimer: I own neither Gazette nor Miyavi and the plot is only partially mine, as it is mostly based on a true story.
Comments: Sequel to 'Do you love me?' which is the sequel to 'You turn me on', but you don't have to read either of those to understand this (they're just smut, anyway). Not beta-read and English is not my first language. Also, this is very different from the former parts.
Kai and Uruha had been together now for five months. They had had their ups and downs; well, there had been more ‘downs’ if Kai had to be honest. Uruha always acted so differently when they were around their friends, and this was the cause of many of their fights.
Lately the guitarist seemed to be trying to act ‘manlier’, which apparently also included making fun of Kai. It was true that he didn’t mind being bullied, but he had been getting the feeling that Uruha was now mainly doing it to actually insult and hurt him and he didn’t know why. Oh, he always apologized. As soon as everyone was gone a soft ‘sorry’ would come from his lips, or, on the nights he didn’t stay over, he’d simply send a text message saying the same thing.
Their friends looked at him in sympathy and Reita had offered more than once to talk to his childhood friend, so he could maybe find out what was going on. Kai declined each time, knowing the bassist truly wanted to help, but not wanting him to be involved in this. It wasn’t Reita’s problem, after all.
Besides, who was to say the tall man would react well? Ruki, known for his sometimes almost brutal honesty, had had enough of Uruha’s insults one day and told him to shut the fuck up and start appreciating his boyfriend. Uruha had gotten so angry at him it had nearly turned into a fistfight, which was only stopped when Aoi, Reita and Miyavi (who had been hanging out with them that day) stepped in and pulled them apart.
From then on the short vocalist had been hanging out more with Kai when Uruha wasn’t around, hoping to make him feel better in some way, even if that meant simply listening to Kai’s stories about what the guitarist had done this time. Since his advice would be either “Kick his ass!” or “Dump him” he had refrained from saying anything, knowing the other man loved Uruha too much to actually do that.
Aoi seemed to know the least of what was going on, because he thought it was impolite to meddle in other people’s business. But even he had said to Kai that he could always come and talk to him if he wanted or needed to, stressing the fact that they are friends, and friends help each other.
And Miyavi - who had seen the strange way Uruha had been acting - had simply given Kai his phone number one day, telling him to call him whenever he felt like it.
The drummer was happy that everyone wanted to help him, but so far he hadn’t taken anyone up on their offer. The only one who knew most (most, not all) things that were going on was Ruki, and that was only because the singer almost dragged it out of him.
The doubts Kai had had all those months ago, about Uruha only saying all those sweet things so he could sleep with him, were returning in full force. It seemed the only normal, loving moments they had together were in bed - or the couch, shower, kitchen table, etc. This made him so insecure that the control had shifted from Kai to Uruha, although neither man was quite sure when that had happened. And that just showed how bad it was, because never before had he given up his control.
Not to mention that they always ended up having sex when they were together and alone. Simply hanging out was impossible and Uruha acted kind of insulted whenever Kai tried to fend him off, so he always gave in eventually.
Every time he went to visit his parents, his mom would ask him where his boyfriend was, because Uruha never came with him. And Kai doubted he had told his own parents that they were together, since they never said anything about it and treated him exactly the same as they always did. Surely they would try to get closer to him if they knew about their relationship? At least, that was what Reita had told him.
Today was Kai’s birthday, but Uruha was nowhere to be found. He had promised to be there, but he had an interview that wouldn’t get him home until late in the evening and tomorrow he’d have another one early in the morning, so he would simply go back to his own apartment. However, he would be there the day after that, when Kai would celebrate his birthday with just his friends.
And he was having fun. The cake was really good and there were enough people to make him forget about Uruha. Not that he ever really forgot the other man; he was on his mind practically all the time, but he was distracted now nonetheless.
His family members questioned him about Uruha, teasing him and wondering why he wasn’t there. They joked around when Kai told them the reason, laughing it off and just finding it silly in an endearing way, not realizing how bad things were going. And he didn’t want to enlighten them, so he just smiled broadly and giggled along.
Aoi and Reita had only dropped by briefly, also being too busy to stay long, but hugging and congratulating him, leaving their presents and telling him they’d be there at his small party two days later.
Ruki, on the other hand, stayed longer. He was one of the first to arrive and said he wanted to stay until the end. His surprise at Uruha’s absence had been obvious, but thankfully he had kept his mouth shut. In a way Kai was actually relieved his lover wasn’t here, because he and Ruki were so cold around each other these days that he knew everyone would notice and having to explain the reason behind that was the last thing he wanted to do.
After Kai had thanked yet another person for coming, Ruki grabbed his arm and pulled him along. “Come with me, I need a smoke.”
Slightly puzzled the drummer followed his friend to the front door, where they both put on their coats before going outside. It was a cool evening, with the sky already turning a darker shade of blue and stars visible in the sky. Mesmerized, Kai stared up, remembering the times when he and Uruha would sit on the balcony, pointing at the stars and pretending they knew the constellations, making each other laugh. He truly missed that, no matter how simple it had been. At least he felt loved then.
“You okay?” Ruki asked in a gentle voice, lighting one of his cigarettes. Blinking his tears away - where had those come from all of a sudden? - he nodded, trying to smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.” The vocalist nodded back, looking thoughtful as he took a drag of his cigarette. “Mind telling me why Uruha isn’t here?” Kai sighed. “I told you already, he had an interview and then tomorrow-” “And then tomorrow morning he has another one, yes, so you’ve told me. But I find that a pathetic reason. We’re all busy, but at least the rest of us had the decency to show up. I checked the homepage today: nothing. He didn’t bother leaving a message. And has he actually called you?”
Getting uncomfortable from Ruki’s words, Kai looked away. No, Uruha hadn’t called today. He did that yesterday, to tell him he wouldn’t be able to make it. He had sent a text message, though, but Kai had the feeling the shorter man wouldn’t be impressed by that. To tell the truth, he wasn’t either. It hadn’t even been special, just a simple: “Hey love! Happy birthday and have fun!”
“Look, I’m sure he has his reasons. And at least I was able to convince him to be there the day after tomorrow.” The vocalist nearly dropped his cancer stick and stared at Kai incredulously. “What do you mean, you had to convince him?”
Drawing himself up to his full height, determined to defend his boyfriend, Kai continued. “He had agreed to help someone out with practicing guitar, but he rescheduled for me. So he’s really not that bad.” Ruki simply shook his head in disbelief.
“Right, and when did he decide to help that person? Because you’ve told us about the party quite some time ago already… And who is that person anyway?” The drummer cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the pavement, knowing that was answer enough for his friend.
Uruha had actually almost forgotten about the get-together he wanted to have with his friends and hadn’t told Kai about his plans until last week. Ever since then he had done his best to convince his boyfriend to cancel or reschedule the meeting with the mystery person and he was glad when he was finally able to convince him to do the latter. However, he had no idea who the other person was. He was male and played guitar; that was all the information given to him.
“Kai… Will you please talk to him? I know I would, and so would the others, but Uruha has made it perfectly clear he doesn’t appreciate that. We really don’t like seeing you hurt.” A shaky sigh escaped the brunette’s lips as he sank down to the ground.
“I’ve tried talking to him, but somehow he always manages to make me forget what I want to say… Even if it’s just temporarily. And then, when I remember, it seems silly to bring it up.” Two arms wrapped themselves around him, hugging him tightly to the small body next to him. “It’s not silly if something is hurting you. Maybe he does it unintentionally, I wouldn’t know about that. But I do know he needs to realize what he’s doing to you so that he can change his attitude or explain why he’s acting that way”, Ruki told him softly, resting his head on Kai’s shoulder.
“I guess”, Kai said back, biting his lip and looking concerned about something. “But what… But what if it turns into a big fight? I don’t want anything to happen to the band.”
A long silence followed, in which the drummer listened to the cars in the distance and the noises coming from people’s houses. The wind ruffled his hair as he snuggled closer to his band mate, burying his head in Ruki’s jacket.
“It’s too late for that”, the singer whispered then.
-------------------------------------
Boy, inspiration came fast... I actually have a bit more written already, but I decided to see if people even care about this first. XD And no, not all of it will be this short (this time), but think of it as an intro. :P
Next chapter
Chapter: 1/?
Author:
golden_kimono
Genre: General, some drama (but it's not that bad, I think)
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: KaixUruha, RukixKai (if you squint), mention of ReitaxAoi later on
Summary: Kai and Uruha have been together for a few months, but it's not the happy relationship it started out as.
Disclaimer: I own neither Gazette nor Miyavi and the plot is only partially mine, as it is mostly based on a true story.
Comments: Sequel to 'Do you love me?' which is the sequel to 'You turn me on', but you don't have to read either of those to understand this (they're just smut, anyway). Not beta-read and English is not my first language. Also, this is very different from the former parts.
Kai and Uruha had been together now for five months. They had had their ups and downs; well, there had been more ‘downs’ if Kai had to be honest. Uruha always acted so differently when they were around their friends, and this was the cause of many of their fights.
Lately the guitarist seemed to be trying to act ‘manlier’, which apparently also included making fun of Kai. It was true that he didn’t mind being bullied, but he had been getting the feeling that Uruha was now mainly doing it to actually insult and hurt him and he didn’t know why. Oh, he always apologized. As soon as everyone was gone a soft ‘sorry’ would come from his lips, or, on the nights he didn’t stay over, he’d simply send a text message saying the same thing.
Their friends looked at him in sympathy and Reita had offered more than once to talk to his childhood friend, so he could maybe find out what was going on. Kai declined each time, knowing the bassist truly wanted to help, but not wanting him to be involved in this. It wasn’t Reita’s problem, after all.
Besides, who was to say the tall man would react well? Ruki, known for his sometimes almost brutal honesty, had had enough of Uruha’s insults one day and told him to shut the fuck up and start appreciating his boyfriend. Uruha had gotten so angry at him it had nearly turned into a fistfight, which was only stopped when Aoi, Reita and Miyavi (who had been hanging out with them that day) stepped in and pulled them apart.
From then on the short vocalist had been hanging out more with Kai when Uruha wasn’t around, hoping to make him feel better in some way, even if that meant simply listening to Kai’s stories about what the guitarist had done this time. Since his advice would be either “Kick his ass!” or “Dump him” he had refrained from saying anything, knowing the other man loved Uruha too much to actually do that.
Aoi seemed to know the least of what was going on, because he thought it was impolite to meddle in other people’s business. But even he had said to Kai that he could always come and talk to him if he wanted or needed to, stressing the fact that they are friends, and friends help each other.
And Miyavi - who had seen the strange way Uruha had been acting - had simply given Kai his phone number one day, telling him to call him whenever he felt like it.
The drummer was happy that everyone wanted to help him, but so far he hadn’t taken anyone up on their offer. The only one who knew most (most, not all) things that were going on was Ruki, and that was only because the singer almost dragged it out of him.
The doubts Kai had had all those months ago, about Uruha only saying all those sweet things so he could sleep with him, were returning in full force. It seemed the only normal, loving moments they had together were in bed - or the couch, shower, kitchen table, etc. This made him so insecure that the control had shifted from Kai to Uruha, although neither man was quite sure when that had happened. And that just showed how bad it was, because never before had he given up his control.
Not to mention that they always ended up having sex when they were together and alone. Simply hanging out was impossible and Uruha acted kind of insulted whenever Kai tried to fend him off, so he always gave in eventually.
Every time he went to visit his parents, his mom would ask him where his boyfriend was, because Uruha never came with him. And Kai doubted he had told his own parents that they were together, since they never said anything about it and treated him exactly the same as they always did. Surely they would try to get closer to him if they knew about their relationship? At least, that was what Reita had told him.
Today was Kai’s birthday, but Uruha was nowhere to be found. He had promised to be there, but he had an interview that wouldn’t get him home until late in the evening and tomorrow he’d have another one early in the morning, so he would simply go back to his own apartment. However, he would be there the day after that, when Kai would celebrate his birthday with just his friends.
And he was having fun. The cake was really good and there were enough people to make him forget about Uruha. Not that he ever really forgot the other man; he was on his mind practically all the time, but he was distracted now nonetheless.
His family members questioned him about Uruha, teasing him and wondering why he wasn’t there. They joked around when Kai told them the reason, laughing it off and just finding it silly in an endearing way, not realizing how bad things were going. And he didn’t want to enlighten them, so he just smiled broadly and giggled along.
Aoi and Reita had only dropped by briefly, also being too busy to stay long, but hugging and congratulating him, leaving their presents and telling him they’d be there at his small party two days later.
Ruki, on the other hand, stayed longer. He was one of the first to arrive and said he wanted to stay until the end. His surprise at Uruha’s absence had been obvious, but thankfully he had kept his mouth shut. In a way Kai was actually relieved his lover wasn’t here, because he and Ruki were so cold around each other these days that he knew everyone would notice and having to explain the reason behind that was the last thing he wanted to do.
After Kai had thanked yet another person for coming, Ruki grabbed his arm and pulled him along. “Come with me, I need a smoke.”
Slightly puzzled the drummer followed his friend to the front door, where they both put on their coats before going outside. It was a cool evening, with the sky already turning a darker shade of blue and stars visible in the sky. Mesmerized, Kai stared up, remembering the times when he and Uruha would sit on the balcony, pointing at the stars and pretending they knew the constellations, making each other laugh. He truly missed that, no matter how simple it had been. At least he felt loved then.
“You okay?” Ruki asked in a gentle voice, lighting one of his cigarettes. Blinking his tears away - where had those come from all of a sudden? - he nodded, trying to smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.” The vocalist nodded back, looking thoughtful as he took a drag of his cigarette. “Mind telling me why Uruha isn’t here?” Kai sighed. “I told you already, he had an interview and then tomorrow-” “And then tomorrow morning he has another one, yes, so you’ve told me. But I find that a pathetic reason. We’re all busy, but at least the rest of us had the decency to show up. I checked the homepage today: nothing. He didn’t bother leaving a message. And has he actually called you?”
Getting uncomfortable from Ruki’s words, Kai looked away. No, Uruha hadn’t called today. He did that yesterday, to tell him he wouldn’t be able to make it. He had sent a text message, though, but Kai had the feeling the shorter man wouldn’t be impressed by that. To tell the truth, he wasn’t either. It hadn’t even been special, just a simple: “Hey love! Happy birthday and have fun!”
“Look, I’m sure he has his reasons. And at least I was able to convince him to be there the day after tomorrow.” The vocalist nearly dropped his cancer stick and stared at Kai incredulously. “What do you mean, you had to convince him?”
Drawing himself up to his full height, determined to defend his boyfriend, Kai continued. “He had agreed to help someone out with practicing guitar, but he rescheduled for me. So he’s really not that bad.” Ruki simply shook his head in disbelief.
“Right, and when did he decide to help that person? Because you’ve told us about the party quite some time ago already… And who is that person anyway?” The drummer cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the pavement, knowing that was answer enough for his friend.
Uruha had actually almost forgotten about the get-together he wanted to have with his friends and hadn’t told Kai about his plans until last week. Ever since then he had done his best to convince his boyfriend to cancel or reschedule the meeting with the mystery person and he was glad when he was finally able to convince him to do the latter. However, he had no idea who the other person was. He was male and played guitar; that was all the information given to him.
“Kai… Will you please talk to him? I know I would, and so would the others, but Uruha has made it perfectly clear he doesn’t appreciate that. We really don’t like seeing you hurt.” A shaky sigh escaped the brunette’s lips as he sank down to the ground.
“I’ve tried talking to him, but somehow he always manages to make me forget what I want to say… Even if it’s just temporarily. And then, when I remember, it seems silly to bring it up.” Two arms wrapped themselves around him, hugging him tightly to the small body next to him. “It’s not silly if something is hurting you. Maybe he does it unintentionally, I wouldn’t know about that. But I do know he needs to realize what he’s doing to you so that he can change his attitude or explain why he’s acting that way”, Ruki told him softly, resting his head on Kai’s shoulder.
“I guess”, Kai said back, biting his lip and looking concerned about something. “But what… But what if it turns into a big fight? I don’t want anything to happen to the band.”
A long silence followed, in which the drummer listened to the cars in the distance and the noises coming from people’s houses. The wind ruffled his hair as he snuggled closer to his band mate, burying his head in Ruki’s jacket.
“It’s too late for that”, the singer whispered then.
-------------------------------------
Boy, inspiration came fast... I actually have a bit more written already, but I decided to see if people even care about this first. XD And no, not all of it will be this short (this time), but think of it as an intro. :P
Next chapter