(no subject)

Mar 04, 2008 22:41

[Private, Unhackable]

It's been... how long now since I've seen Al? Actually, no, not that long. Feels like forever, though.

...Man. Two years. How'd I even manage to survive two years without him, when I probably won't even be able to get two weeks this time? Not that I really can't manage. I mean, I can't, but I'll have to anyway, eh? I dug my own grave, and sat in it waiting to be buried while sprouting high morals I don't believe in.

Pepole still keep arriving and disappearing. Friends disappear, lovers disappear, family disappear...

It'd be easier if he went back. Then I wouldn't have to wonder every damn second if I check on him. Che... not that I'd ever wish for that. A world without Al doesn't have meaning. Hell, a world without Al isn't even real.

I shouldn't have said anything.

...Yeah, like I needed to say that. Of course I shouldn't have said anything. Who in their right minds would have? And now, Al's got into this mess again because I was a proud, impetuous idiot, and I still can't fix anything, in the end.

And I can't just tell him why. He's not gonna believe it. Or even if he is, he's not gonna care. He's Al. Geez. And I know what he's going to say, and if it comes from him, how the hell am I supposed to refuse?

Incest. A blight upon society! Vile, disgusting, the worst of the worst!

Feh. Right. He doesn't believe that. We've studied human biology through and through. Genetics, mutations, all that crap. S'not like we'd have any kids. Cancels out perfectly with the argument against homosexuality, too, doesn't it now?

I told Koizumi that I don't wanna drag Al to hell with me, but... heh, like I believe that. We've seen hell already with our own eyes, and it's got nothing to do with whatever you wanna call this.

...But I don't want them to look at him like some sort of monster. Some sort of outcast. Some sort of freak. Now that's "hell". And I stuck him in it for five damned years already. I'm not doing it again, never, ever, ever.
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