(no subject)
Even the best fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind.
I somehow find, you and I c o l l i d e
And I'm tangeled up in you.
Sometimes I really just get compleatly irritated by him. Why doesn't he understand that everything he's looking for, he already has waiting for him? I'm right here, and I swear I would love him the best I could. I would be everything he's ever wanted. Why's he so ignorant?
I don't know. I lie to myself so much, that most the time I don't even know if the feelings I am feeling are really my own. Most of the time, I don't even feel like I love him at all. But then, sometimes, I just get in these awkward moods, and I dwell on everything we had.Or at least, everything I think we had.
I think I'm just in love with love. And that sometimes, I just want to be in love so bad, that I make believe that I used to be, and that I miss it. Or maybe I just feel like I miss him because I wasn't the one to let him go. I was the one rejected. And I guess I just hate that feeling.
I was going to break up with him that night, you know. So why do I, at times, feel so heartbroken? I guess that's the thing about first loves. They're always with you. Even if you're not around them. They'll always be a part of your emotions, and your heart. Because you gave them everything. I gave him everything. Maybe it's because I gave him my whole life, that I sometimes feel completely incomplete.
I don't really have any answers right now, but I'm just starting to try and figure things out. I really should stop lying to myself, because, as of right now, there's too many layers of lies for me to even begin deciphering. I guess the moral of the story, and of my relationship with him, is that I truely just screwed myself over. All, or at least most, could have been avioded if I had just taken the time to be honest with myself. Maybe then, I wouldn't have lied to myself and told myself that I was in love. I'm so contradictory that I'm just going to stop.
Two birthday parties to go to today. They should be fun. My parents are gone for the weekend though,
so I have to ditch them early to take care of my dog. This may or may not be a good thing. call me. <3
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind.
I somehow find, you and I c o l l i d e
And I'm tangeled up in you.
Sometimes I really just get compleatly irritated by him. Why doesn't he understand that everything he's looking for, he already has waiting for him? I'm right here, and I swear I would love him the best I could. I would be everything he's ever wanted. Why's he so ignorant?
I don't know. I lie to myself so much, that most the time I don't even know if the feelings I am feeling are really my own. Most of the time, I don't even feel like I love him at all. But then, sometimes, I just get in these awkward moods, and I dwell on everything we had.Or at least, everything I think we had.
I think I'm just in love with love. And that sometimes, I just want to be in love so bad, that I make believe that I used to be, and that I miss it. Or maybe I just feel like I miss him because I wasn't the one to let him go. I was the one rejected. And I guess I just hate that feeling.
I was going to break up with him that night, you know. So why do I, at times, feel so heartbroken? I guess that's the thing about first loves. They're always with you. Even if you're not around them. They'll always be a part of your emotions, and your heart. Because you gave them everything. I gave him everything. Maybe it's because I gave him my whole life, that I sometimes feel completely incomplete.
I don't really have any answers right now, but I'm just starting to try and figure things out. I really should stop lying to myself, because, as of right now, there's too many layers of lies for me to even begin deciphering. I guess the moral of the story, and of my relationship with him, is that I truely just screwed myself over. All, or at least most, could have been avioded if I had just taken the time to be honest with myself. Maybe then, I wouldn't have lied to myself and told myself that I was in love. I'm so contradictory that I'm just going to stop.
Two birthday parties to go to today. They should be fun. My parents are gone for the weekend though,
so I have to ditch them early to take care of my dog. This may or may not be a good thing. call me. <3