Over the Moon - NC-17 - Act 3
Act 2
Over the Moon - Act 3
Another week goes by and December greets Seoul with another curtain of snow. Both Yoochun and Jaejoong watch idly from their kitchen as the snow falls through the window and colors their neighbourhood white. It's a lazy early morning and they both enjoy the silence and the company and a warm cup of dark coffee.
Yoochun taps the table to the beat of a new song he has in his head; he's been composing a lot lately, hoping that someone will like his music enough to help him make a living from it. Jaejoong is leaning over the table with a pout, brooding about the weather and the news he got the previous day that he's getting a late shift in Mint for Christmas.
"I miss Yunho," he says when he realizes his oversized sweater won't provide the kind of warmth he's hoping for. Yoochun keeps on tapping on the table and takes a sip of his coffee.
"And today you haven't seen him for..."
"Seven days."
Yoochun nods, trademark wicked smile in place.
"Terrible," he says, putting the mug down. Jaejoong pouts indignantly and lifts himself from the table, bringing his feet to the chair so he can hug his legs and rest his chin over his knees. A yawn makes its way to his mouth and he closes his eyes, groaning placidly as he stirs his back and settles comfortably on the chair. His roommate's tapping now follows the sound of the wind and soon it comes to an abrupt end.
"I like the guy," he says. "Seems like a decent guy, for a change. Centered and well mannered and all."
Jaejoong ignores the implication that he can't date decent guys and nods. The relationship he has with Yunho is the slowest but most fulfilling relationship he has had in a very long time.
"He's so cute too," the singer adds, "and hot and smart and amazing."
A chicken-like laughter escapes the pianist's mouth, and he's all warm smiles and narrowed eyes because he's always been fascinated by the pure-bliss expression that his friend gets when he's in love. Shaking his head fondly he picks up both cups and brings them to the sink, leaving Jaejoong daydreaming on the table. He isn't really worried about the singer anymore; he has seen the way in which Yunho looks at him and it mirrors Jae's adoring gaze. He just hopes he'll be strong enough to come through what life surely has in store for him without giving up. Strange as it may sound, something in his gut tells him he will.
Daesung picks Jaejoong up a while later and they head for the subway station through the heavy snow. They make a quick stop at Starbucks to grab something warm before they get to the train; the temperature has dropped about ten degrees in barely a week and the cold bites at whatever patches of skin it can touch. They huddle and push against each other to keep the warmth and walk into the last car where a half an hour ride awaits.
The blond singer is drooling on his friend's shoulder when they get to Jamsil station.
"Hyung...," he prods, poking Jaejoong annoyingly. He has to blow air into the guy's ears before he gets a reaction. Jaejoong jumps off his seat and gives Daesung a mortified glare as he rubs his ear. He's already plotting revenge in his mind when the boy summons his huge charismatic smile and Jaejoong falls victim to it once again.
"That is so unfair," he mutters, and they barely make it off the train.
-
The Charlotte theatre stands proudly and pretty amongst the bare trees, and as they approach the main door, a security officer that seems twice Daesung's height approaches them and lets them know the auditions are being held through the back door.
They nod and follow the indications until they find themselves amongst a rather big crowd of sweater and knitted-hat clad people. Its freezing yet they're all standing firm in line, singing and practicing foreign songs, some nervous, some exuding self confidence, some not very sure what they are doing there. Oh yes, Jaejoong knows about auditions, and he's glad he's not here for his.
"You should give it a try too, Jae."
Jaejoong shivers at the thought of stepping onto the stage again. The only reason he was here today was Daesung insisting for the past week that he should totally attend the auditions for the soon to be released Korean version of Cats. He had agreed because he thought if he did other things, he wouldn't be missing Yunho so much.
"I didn't bring my bars," slurs the blond man, knowing very well how lame the excuse was.
"You could always use mine."
"Right. Who are you going for again?"
"Mungojerrie."
Jaejoong frowns and considers his friend's answer as he rubs his hands against his nose.
"Go for Tugger," he suggests, "Suits you much better, and he has more songs too."
Daesung makes a noncommittal sound and starts warming up his voice.
Secretly, Jaejoong doesn't want to be here. He knows Daesung and he knows his talent, and he knows the boy is going to get the part.
Sometimes he wishes he didn't have to hate his life this much.
---
Yunho is greeted by the biggest, warmest and longest bear hug he remembers getting in his life. He knows it's been about ten days since the last time he and Jaejoong met, but he wasn't expecting such a receiving welcome surprise.
The singer presses against him fiercely and Yunho has no option but to stand there and stroke his hair, confusion slightly flashing through his face.
He manages to catch Yoochun's gaze; the pianist is standing in the middle of the living room, behind Jaejoong, shrugging with an understanding that Yunho reads as you'll learn to deal with it. The student respects Yoochun because he understands how he knows Jaejoong so well, and how much he cares for the man.
"I missed you," whispers Jaejoong against his neck after a long while, still not letting go of the taller man. He tightens his hold for a second or two, and Yunho kisses whatever part of his head he can put his mouth on.
"I missed you more," he says with a pout and it's so very true, he notes, now that he has Jaejoong in his arms. He waits until Yoochun scoffs and leaves the room to pull Jaejoong off of him gently, reluctance written all over the other one as he lets Yunho move him, and kisses him softly, a small peck over pouted lips. He doesn't realize there's something more until Jaejoong looks him in the eye and his pupils shine in a different way, but he's too quick to break the eye contact and Yunho can't quite tell yet.
He is pulled into the living room and forced to take off his coat and throw his bag somewhere on the floor in favour of Jaejoong's sudden craving of hugs and body contact. He doesn't complain.
There's music coming from Yoochun's room; a long sappy ballad for piano that he composed himself, and Jaejoong pulls Yunho into the middle of the room and steps into his personal space, leaning his head against the taller man's shoulder. Yunho accommodates himself against Jaejoong and snakes both his hands around the blond man's waist.
They stand still for a while, swaying to the music, and Yunho thinks that he would have never thought of two men dancing like this as beautiful, but they are. Once he shakes the initial weirdness away he slumps his head against Jaejoong's and revels in his company, and in the natural easiness of their relationship. Yet this is the first time that Jaejoong is so quiet and needy, and Yunho suspects it's not just because of the past ten days.
"What is it?" he asks quietly, taking in Jaejoong's fragrance. The singer is almost dozing against him, hands holding loosely to Yunho's arms. He makes a protesting sound before shifting his head to Yunho's other shoulder, and the student squeezes his waist a little in response to his silence.
"Jaejoong-ah," he says in a serious voice, but the negativity persists and he eventually pulls back from the older man. "What is it?"
"We have people coming tonight," Jaejoong answers. He doesn't lie but he doesn't answer Yunho's questions either. He doesn't want to spoil the mood with his petty issues and his jealousy; after all he has missed Yunho.
As for Yunho, he is slowly learning to understand how Jaejoong works and he has the slight suspicion this is one of those times when he's not being very honest with him, but such notions get pushed back because they have people coming tonight.
Jaejoong is absolutely conscious of the way Yunho's body stiffens around him and he feels somewhat guilty for being glad that his diversion has worked. However, Yunho chooses not to say anything and stares at Jaejoong with an unreadable expression on his eyes. The singer doesn’t like the sudden awkwardness and he lets go of Yunho, motioning him to follow him to his room.
"So how were your exams? I forgot to ask."
Yunho sits on Jaejoong's bed and gazes quietly as the other man sheds his comfortable clothes to be a little more presentable for tonight.
"Hard, but okay," he answers, eyes stuck on the bony hip at Jaejoong's side, "I'll get the results sometime next week or so."
Jaejoong smiles and nods without looking at him. He takes his shirt off and fishes between what Yunho thinks is recently cleaned laundry for a dark pair of jeans and a thick white and black stripped shirt with a long V neck. "Good," he says, still looking through his clothes. He picks up a large blue sweater and puts it on, "so you're on vacation now, right?"
"Only from school."
"Okay."
"Why didn't you tell me there were people coming over?"
Ah, there it was: the inevitable argument.
"It's not a big deal, really. Just a couple of guys from the theatre group," he answers, pretending to put his clothes away to make himself busy.
"It's no big deal to you. Maybe is it for me."
"No, really. They’re old friends of Chun and mine, and they don't have any problem with gay people anyways and--"
"That's not the point!"
Yunho gets off the bed, exasperated, and walks nervously around the small room as Jaejoong stands still, watching him playing with his rings.
"You don't even have to act like you're with me. I just want you to know them..!"
The younger man shakes his head and sighs, scowl very present oh his face. Jaejoong motions without saying anything, somewhat at a loss of words.
"You were gonna have to meet them eventually...!"
He wants to say more but Yunho lifts his hand in warning, palm spread. He stomps out of the room without a word and gets inside the kitchen, where Yoochun is preparing some snacks for their upcoming guests.
"Please tell me I can help you with something," he says, voice mildly agitated. Yoochun looks up with his lips twisted downwards; he has obviously heard the argument, or at least was expecting it to happen.
"I gotta put those in the fridge and get the ones from the freezer out," he says, pointing at a large carton of cans of beer. Yunho nods quickly and starts doing as he is told.
"He doesn't mean any harm, you know," explains Yoochun after a few minutes of unnerving silence.
"He should have told me."
Yoochun nods. Yunho's tone is hard and definite and it shocks the pianist because he doesn't know this side of him, so he doesn't argue back. The change in mood soon gets to the student and he puts the last can of beer on the counter before he can take it to the fridge.
"I'm sorry," he says, taking his hand to massage his forehead. "I didn't mean to--"
"S'okay. Hey," comforts the younger man, coming towards Yunho and patting his shoulder affectionately. "You don't have to explain. I get it. Why don't you get those snacks over there in these bowls and I’ll go talk to Jae, yes?"
Jaejoong is sitting on the edge of the bed with a frown and his arms crossed over his chest when his friend opens the door to his room without knocking.
"Is he gone?" he asks in an angry tone that doesn't do much to mask the underlying anxiety.
"No, he's fixing the snacks." Yoochun notices how Jaejoong breathes out and his eyes dart about the room, trying to find an excuse good enough to convince himself he doesn't need to stand up right now and rush to Yunho's side to say he's sorry.
"Jae. Why are you doing this? Tell me the truth."
Jaejoong keeps his stance stubbornly, refusing to say anything at all. Yoochun lets a few minutes go by before he sighs in defeat and turns around to leave.
"Whatever it is, don't take it out on him, unless you want to be single again by next week."
Jaejoong appears in the kitchen barely five minutes after Yoochun comes back, and his gaze never leaves the floor as he helps arrange the plates and the glasses on a wooden tray.
"Yunho-yah."
The singer approaches the man in the living room where he's fixing the last bowls and plates over the short table by the window. The scowl that had been on his face is gone, but there's no kind smile grazing his features and Jaejoong knows it's because of him. Yet, Yunho stops his task at hand and even though his back is facing Jaejoong, the singer knows he's got his attention.
"Yunho-yah," he repeats quietly, slowly, "I'm sorry for imposing this on you, but I just want to be able to hang out with you and my friends. I want to show you a little too, you know? It's already been like a month, and Chunnie is the only one who knows about us. I understand how you feel but I feel this way, too."
He's looking at his feet by the time he finishes talking, heart beating hard against his ribs. He approaches Yunho tentatively and touches his shoulder gingerly with the tips of his fingers. Yunho lets him.
"Jaejoong-ah," he says. There is an I don't think I can do this hanging at the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it hard. "If we talk about this, I'm sure we can figure it out. If you want me to do something, if you ask me, I'll say yes." He swallows again and thinks about the countless things in his life that have been chosen for him: his career, his home, his school, the kind of people he should hang out with and the kind of people he should like. All of these tightly wrapped around the smaller finger on his mother's hand. "But please, please, let me know."
Jaejoong nods, letting his hands slide downwards and embrace Yunho's waist. He lays his head against the taller man's back, closing his eyes. Yunho holds Jaejoong's hands in turn, and there's that special kind of warmth between them again that makes the skin on his arms chill, and the silent understanding he's beginning to get used to. A connection between souls.
A relieved sigh escapes through the singer's lips, and something inside his chest feels like it needs to be released; something warm, something strong. He opens his mouth in a shy whisper to let it flow:
"I lov--," and then the doorbell rings. Another sigh, only this one is ridden with frustration. Yunho unwraps himself from Jaejoong's arms and it's difficult for the blond singer to know if he has heard or not.
"Sungie and magnae are here," announces Yoochun, rushing to the living room where the other two men are to grab his coat and a big grey scarf, "I think some of the girls are too, I'm gonna let them in and go get some cigarettes, I'm out. Need anything?"
Jaejoong shakes his head and waves goodbye, and when the guests come into the house Yunho's hand is clenched tightly around Jaejoong's.
About an hour later everybody is here and Jaejoong introduces them to a tight-lipped Yunho that nods and smiles nervously but doesn't really talk much. Daesung, he remembers from Club Queen, and his roommate Seunghyun, the youngest in the group, who is also their choreographer, Yoonkyung, a pretty girl with a deep pleasant voice, Jeonghyun, the tall boy that shares the lead roles with Jae, and Eunjee, who seems shy and quiet and is supposed to have one of the best voices in all of Seoul, according to the rest of the group.
They seem like a nice bunch, and for all that Yunho knows Jaejoong has probably threatened them or something, because nobody asks anything about them two. They talk about various things instead, they drink and laugh and smoke and tease each other and every now and then one of them tries to include Yunho in the conversation, but the student gives short dry answers most of the time.
Soon conversation flows into their usual topics: theatres, musicals and who's gotten this or that part in professional studios and how good or bad they really are.
"Ah," says Jeonghyun lifting his beer, "it's only too bad that we're losing one of our members next year, right? So, a toast."
Everybody lifts their glasses, except for Daesung and Jaejoong, who looks at the others in curious confusion.
"We are?" he asks. "Who’s leaving?"
"It's not that big a deal, really, toasting is too much," interrupts Daesung, waving both hands frantically, and it dawns to Jaejoong without anybody needing to explain-Daesung has gotten the part in Cats.
"Of course we have to toast," he corrects, a smile a little too fake taking over his face, "Daesungie, you really wanted to get this part. Who is it?"
Daesung looks at him apologetically. "Tugger," he says. He had been waiting for a better time to tell Jaejoong, and Jeonghyun had to blow it like that. "But I just got the callback, it doesn't mean I got the part."
"It's more than any of us has ever gotten," he says, and Yunho notices how venomous his voice sounds. They toast, even when Daesung looks unhappier than he should, and the silence that comes next helps Yunho understand a little bit more about how Jaejoong works.
"So are you part of another theatre company?" asks Yoonkyung eyeing Yunho, after Seunghyun has given an enthusiastic 15 minute long speech about how professional choreographers train their artists and how he'd like to implement these techniques in their group.
Yunho gulps the remains of beer in his can and shakes his head softly.
"I'm a law student," he says, which brings a stunned silence in the room and more than a pair of eyes staring at Jaejoong, who is absentmindedly playing with the ring on Yunho's right hand.
"In, uh, Seoul National University," he continues, wishing that Jaejoong would stop touching his hand and arm so much now that everyone's eyes are fixed on them.
"Wow," comments Eunjee. "A lawyer?"
At Jaejoong's other side, Jeonghyun elbows the singer playfully. "Well done, Jae," he says in a teasing voice, making Seunghyun and Daesung laugh a little. Jaejoong groans in disapproval and Yunho breaks into a small, nervous laughter that soon dies in his throat.
"I'm, I'm not a lawyer yet," he stutters, shaking his hand and freeing it from the singer's grasp, "I'm in f-fourth year, still have like, like three years to go."
"Oh," adds Yoonkyung with genuine interest, "must be hard, eh?"
Yunho shrugs and nods a little. He really appreciates that these people are trying very hard to make him feel welcomed, but the sick feeling in his stomach refuses to leave, and he knows it shouldn't be that big a deal because they are just sitting there on the floor and they're not doing anything and nobody is judging them, but he just can't.
"So how did you guys meet?" asks Seunghyun, oblivious of Yunho's inner struggle, or the hesitant way in which Jaejoong shifts and scoots a little closer to the man.
Yoochun answers for them, saying Yunho is Changmin's friend, and the conversation turns into merciless teasing of Jaejoong and how he wasn't able to turn Changmin, which results in Yunho excusing himself and fleeing to the safety of the bathroom.
"Thanks, guys, that was great," grumbles Jaejoong, glaring at all of his friends once Yunho is gone. He stands up to go check on Yunho as he receives I’m sorry's and we were just joking’s that he doesn't care to reply.
Jaejoong sighs deeply before knocking on the bathroom's door.
"Yunho-yah," he whispers, and the lock unlocks and he pushes the door and gets in. Inside, Yunho stands in front of the small mirror, face wet and eyes narrowed in confusion. Jaejoong starts thinking maybe bringing his friends in wasn't that great an idea after all.
"I didn't try to turn Changmin," he says, unable to find a better way of approaching the younger man. Yunho sighs.
"Jaejoong-ah, I think I should go home," comes the reply. Jaejoong hurries and steps into his side, taking his hand.
"No, no, I'll kick them out. I don't want them here anymore. Don't go."
It comes out almost like a plea and it softens Yunho's eyes. He doesn't want to leave, either.
"I'll stay in your room, how about that?"
Jaejoong nods eagerly and they stare at each other in silence for a while. There's no need for words; Jaejoong's eyes say I'm sorry, and Yunho's gaze grants forgiveness.
He embraces Jaejoong after a few minutes, pressing their bodies tight, very tight; Jaejoong thinks they're going to merge into one another soon.
"Jaejoong-ah," he whispers into the singer's ear, "I love you."
---
About five days later they're hanging out in Yunho's room, sprawled over the bed and floor on a cold, rainy afternoon, when Jaejoong breaks the news for his lover.
"Daesungie called me today; he got the part for Cats, you know."
He's sitting on the floor, back against the bed, while Yunho lays down on his bed with one of his hands over Jaejoong's shoulder; the singer likes playing with his ring. He makes it turn around his pinky and occasionally takes it out and puts it back. He's even tried to make it fit in his own hand before, but as Yunho's fingers are long, bony and slender, his are short and fleshy and the pinky ring is too small to fit even his smaller finger. It only goes halfway into it, where it sits right now as it gets toyed with.
"He's gonna have to leave our company soon. I think... I think I'm gonna leave it, too."
Yunho stays quiet for a while, aware of how Jaejoong's playing with his fingers has gotten a little more anxious. He knows how much Jaejoong loves singing, but he's heard from Yoochun of his constant failures at auditions and by the trembling in Jaejoong's voice he understands how much of a touchy subject this is to him. Still, he thinks he shouldn't give up, because his voice is beautiful and he has more faith in him than even Jaejoong has ever had.
"Do you really think that's gonna solve anything?" he asks.
"No. But…I'm tired of this. I think I'm just gonna look for a better job and start thinking about the future... I'm not gonna do this thing forever so I might as well give it up now."
"Giving up... Is that what you really want?"
Yunho gets up to a sitting position at this point and Jaejoong leans his head back, looking at Yunho with large, unhappy eyes. This is obviously not what he wants, but the disappointment through his life has grown so much that he doesn't think he can take it anymore.
"Yunho-yah..."
"Come."
Jaejoong gets up from the floor and crawls onto Yunho's bed, where he's embraced lovingly as they both lay down again. He cuddles and lets Yunho pet his hair and kiss his nose.
"I know how much it hurts to get rejected, Joongie," he starts, "but you have to believe in what you do. If you love singing, don't ever let anybody prevent you from doing that. Don't ever give up on your dreams. I learnt that after I met you. The passion that you have for what you do is too big to be forgotten just like that."
"I'll think about it, okay?"
Yunho nods but they both know it's a lie.
"I love you, Yunho-yah."
They kiss and lay down in bed half naked for the rest of the day, watching some of Jaejoong's favourite old musicals on the DVD. Yunho finds Jaejoong's passion very interesting himself, and he's been drawn to it like he was to Jaejoong's voice that one time long ago in the 11th Street Lot Theatre.
---
"He's quitting the company," says Yoochun.
Yunho walks by the new arrivals rack, looking idly at the shirts.
"I know, he told me the other day." Yoochun sighs.
They get out of the store without buying anything, into the busy hallways of the huge COEX mall. They've been walking around the place for more than two hours and haven't even covered the second floor, nor found anything suitable to give Jaejoong for Christmas.
"I tried to talk him out of it but..."
"Yeah. There's no way around him when he's decided something."
They decide to take a break and stop at Burger King to get a Coke and some onion rings.
"He's told me you're going back to America, too?"
"About 10 days, to visit my family. I go there every Christmas and stay for about a month, but I'll have to come back earlier, this year. A friend of mine works in a band for a theatre and he needs someone to sub for him while he goes on vacation, so I gotta be here the first week of January and traveling on New Year is very messy, so I guess I’ll just come back after Christmas."
"Ah, speaking of which. One of our clients at the firm is a... movie producer, I think, and their music director was filing a case against them for copyright issues. I talked to him last week and they are looking for a new composing team. It’s a long shot, but I thought, if you want, I could hook you up."
Yoochun's eyes turn big and round.
"You're kidding me?"
Yunho shakes his head and Yoochun would like to hug him and kiss him very much, but there's a table between them and he thinks Jaejoong might murder him if he does.
"I love you. You know that? I'll help you get the bestest present for Jaejoongie in the world."
A rolling laughter comes from Yunho's mouth and they finish their food and set again on their quest.
---
Five hours.
They've been walking around the mall for five hours.
"I think I'm gonna die," says Yunho, after they come out of the last store he intends to set a foot in. They have, however, found Jaejoong's gifts.
"Get used to it, shopping with Jae is much worse."
Yunho considers Yoochun's words and scowls, sinking onto one of the mall's benches.
"That face exactly," teases the younger man, and he does as Yunho, slumping by his side.
"Let's sit here for the next three hours and then go home," he suggests. They nod and agree, and Yunho clutches the shopping bags with a tiny grin.
"Thank you, Yoochun-ah."
They're leaving about an hour later after a revitalizing coffee and some donuts when someone calls Yunho's name and rushes to his side.
It's a man about Yoochun's height with short jet black hair, sunglasses, and a beautiful smile.
"Junsu," says Yunho, surprised to see his friend in such a crowded place. Junsu puts his fingers to his lips at his name and lowers his glasses a little bit.
"I'm not here," he says with a grin. Junsu's popularity has nothing but increased in the past month, and sometimes, when he doesn't feel like being mobbed, he covers up to go out.
"You're doing Christmas shopping too?" he asks, and just then he notices Yoochun, and he bows, "Ah, I'm sorry. Hello."
Yunho introduces them by name, and Yoochun doesn't really like sports so he doesn't recognize the football player, but he likes the light in the newcomer's face very much.
Junsu ushers them to a solitary corner and lets them know he's supposed to get a gift for a girl he likes and pick up something his brother has bought online for his girlfriend, since he's sick.
"I ran into Changmin-ah yesterday and he said he'd come with me, but I think he's running a little late."
"You know Changmin too?" asks the pianist, surprised at how small the world really is. Junsu nods and Yoochun continues, "I was his piano instructor, haha."
"You play the piano? Me too!"
Yunho blinks and watches them talk, realizing he's been completely left aside. He pouts and the lack of attention makes him turn around, taking tiny steps and walking away, but he's suddenly attacked by a violent glomp and Junsu's laughter is on his ear and Yoochun is patting his back and he's happy, so very happy.
Yunho has to leave soon, because he has promised Donghae to meet him for dinner, despite Junsu's pleas to help him with his gifts, since he usually fails at getting people what they want. In the end, Yoochun offers to help him out and they wave and let Yunho leave, moving to find Changmin who has announced to Junsu's cell phone that he's lost.
As he leaves, Yunho thinks about the good and bad things of having his closest friends befriending each other, and he can't but hope with all his heart that Changmin and Junsu will accept him as he is now.
---
Yoochun leaves about a week before Christmas and the day before his plane departs he gets Yunho and Jaejoong to help him pack. Yunho is finally on vacation from work as well, so he practically lives with them now. He appeared one day at their door with a bag full of his clothes and stuff and Jaejoong was only too happy to let him in.
So right now it's trip preparations between soju and snacks, and they all debate on which things he should take or not due to the limitations on luggage weigh like they were all going there themselves.
Jaejoong makes Yoochun promise he's gonna write and keep in touch like he does every year, and Yoochun has to remind him he's only leaving for 10 days, this time, but Jae loves dramatics and he pretends to be all shocked and hurt.
They end up talking about pasts Christmases when they were too young to have enough money to fly, and they had spent most nights hanging out by the River Han, and Yunho lets them know about his holidays in Gwangju and his uncle Shinwon, on his mother's part, who would always make the most weird and outrageous gifts ever.
"And what do you do on Christmases when Yoochun is gone?" asks Yunho at some point, fixing one of Yoochun's shirts that's gonna be left behind.
"Go home," answers Jae around a gulp of soju. "I had my whole family come to Seoul once. All ten of them, plus husbands and boyfriends and kids. It was a disaster, I don't think I've ever had that many people at home at once. And all my sisters were so annoying at that time. I was going out with another guy and they wanted to meet him so badly. I'm glad he was out of town... well. Not now. He would have deserved the punishment."
Yoochun chuckles as Yunho arches his eyebrows curiously.
"The one that got married?"
"Yeah."
"Got married?"
"To some girl."
"Oh."
Jaejoong shakes his head, annoyed at the memory of his last serious ex.
"That was two years ago. Some people are just cowards all of their lives," he explains. Yunho nods and opens his arms to receive Jaejoong and give him a warm hug. "I'm glad he's gone anyways." The law student kisses Jaejoong's forehead sweetly; he couldn't agree more to that.
A few minutes later the buzzer makes them jump. Someone is waiting downstairs, but they aren't really expecting anybody.
Seeing that neither Yunho nor Jaejoong are willing to let go of their embrace, Yoochun sighs in defeat and leaves the apartment. When he comes back, Daesung follows him in.
"Hi, there!" he greets with a huge, charismatic smile. Jaejoong finally releases Yunho and approaches the younger singer, giving him an affectionate punch on the shoulder.
"How's my favourite kitty!" he says with a cheeky grin. He refuses to let his jealousy towards Daesung's success affect the good relationship he has with the boy.
Daesung winces a little; sometimes Jaejoong forgets he's not as used to his heavy mock punching as Changmin is.
"It's hard but good so far. We have people from the UK coming in after New Year to see how we're doing. I'm a little nervous for that, hehe."
"You go own those foreigners and show 'em what you got," encourages Jaejoong with an exaggerated thumb up. Daesung nods vigorously and strikes a pose.
"Anyways, I was on my way back. There are just some big big news that I had to give to you..."
He fishes through his leather bag with three curious pair of eyes trying to catch a glimpse of the so called big news, until he produces a white piece of paper that he hangs to Jaejoong.
"Some of the producers were there, hanging these to the theatre staff. Apparently it's going be more of a discreet thing cause it's very sudden, but I got my hands over one of these, and you should totally go."
The three men pile over the piece of paper, each at either side of Jaejoong's head. The paper announces a small row of auditions for the second Rent Korean cast, starting sometime next week. Jaejoong stares at the paper; he still remembers that audition a while ago when he prepared for a month to get Angel's part and got nothing in return. Another failure.
He half smiles at Daesung and hands the paper back.
"Thank you Daesungie, but I don't think I'm coming."
The boy refuses to take it. He shakes his head fiercely.
"Hyung, I know how much you wanted to be here, so I'll let you have that and hope that you'll realize that you have the potential and go. Also, go for something else than Angel. I know you love the character, but seriously, drag doesn't suit you at all. I'll leave now."
Once he's gone, Jaejoong motions to throw the paper away, but both Yunho and Yoochun prevent him from doing so, and the thing ends up folded in four in Yunho's back pocket.
---
Seunghyun, who is not their musical group's choreographer but one of Jaejoong's coworkers and drinking friends at Mint, or Tempo as he has nicknamed himself, picks up Yoochun and Jaejoong at their place in Itaewon in his car and drives them to the airport.
They leave Yunho behind because he needs to pick up some papers from college: the last results of his past exams are out, and the schedule to pick them up coincides with Yoochun's departure time. He's very sorry that he can't see his now close friend off, but he just can't miss the appointment.
He stands in the subway train easily, merging into the crowd. He isn’t worried because he feels he did good in his exams, and he has a lot of self confidence in that area. As he gets off at the station his cell phone rings and he figures out it's Jaejoong, but it's too crowded and he waits till he's outside to pick it up.
He has 3 missed phone calls, but the number is not Jaejoong's: it's a Gwangju number. He gulps.
The thing lights up again and starts chirping and Yunho gets into a nearby phone booth to pick it up.
"Hello?" he says. A feminine voice answers on the other side.
"Hi, honey," comes the unmistakable voice of his mother. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, mum. I'm heading to uni to pick up the exam's grades. Can I call you later? I'm in the street and it's cold."
"That's okay, I was just calling to know when you're coming back home to arrange the rooms and everything... your cousins are staying home this time, too. We'll need to move things around to make you all fit, I think."
She continues talking for a few seconds while Yunho remains immobile, rooted to the spot. Go home. Go home for Christmas. Visit his family with his secret on his back. He feels a pang of guilt and dread and sickness in his stomach; a pain once entirely familiar that he had almost learned to forget.
"Yunho.. Yunho are you there?"
"Yes. Yes, mum."
"You are coming home, right?"
"...I am."
He blurts the last words without thinking and his phone goes dead; he has run out of battery.
He walks the rest of his way in a zombie-like state and doesn't even blink when his exam sheets show him straight 'A's.
---
He calls back home in the afternoon from his room.
The exam results get dropped carelessly over the bed and he paces around, fiddling with the ring on his finger. The line is busy but he's too nervous to care, so he keeps on calling until he gets through.
They were supposed to spend Christmas together this year, Jaejoong and him. He had been too happy and welled up in the singer to even remember that he had a family that would eventually demand for his presence back home, expecting him to be the same Yunho that visited them every year. And under what excuse could he stay in Seoul without arousing their suspect?
He wasn't ready to let them know; not yet.
So when his mother pickes up the phone he feels stalled three months in the past, living a life that wasn't his.
She talks and talks about family affairs he couldn't care less for, making a big show of how she's gonna brag about her son's good grades. She's so, so proud of him, and so is his dad, and so will his sister, and his uncles, and his aunts. He makes an agreeing sound every now and then, running out of good ideas for excuses, and all the time he tries to keep Jaejoong in mind--Jaejoong who frees him, Jaejoong who is going to kill him when Christmas comes and he's two hundred miles away, rotting in a house he doesn't belong to anymore.
When he hangs up he picks up the results and notices he has thrown them right next to Jaejoong’s Christmas gifts.
He tells him three days before Christmas.
“I’m coming home tomorrow.”
Jaejoong looks up from the piano and blinks. He presses a few more keys and the melody persists.
“To the dorms? You could just bring the rest of your stuff and stay here you know, since Yoochun is gone.”
He hears Yunho sigh and the tone of it tells Jaejoong it’s something else. He drops the song and watches as his lover sits on Yoochun’s bed and looks idly at the TV where the Rent movie plays muted; a habit of Jaejoong that Yunho could never get.
“You should audition, you know,” he says quietly, jerking his head to the screen, “for the other guy, the one with the fender guitar. I think your voice suits him fine. I think they’d give you the part.”
Jaejoong stands from the piano’s stool and turns the TV off, wary of auditions and opinions and anything that has to do with his never-will-be musical career.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I’m coming home. To Gwangju.”
The singer nods and is waiting for the other man to mention a returning date, when the way in which Yunho avoids looking at him tells him there isn’t going to be one; at least not before the 25th.
“For Christmas?!” he explodes, “Why?!” Somewhere in the back of his mind his brain tells him to let him explain, but another part of him knows, knows, and he can’t let him, he won’t.
“I go there every year, Jaejoong, my family is expecting me to visit, what do you want me to do? It will be weird if I refuse to go just like that.”
“Tell them that you can’t.”
“And why?!”
Yunho stands up angrily and faces Jaejoong, eyes meeting in a fierce glare from both sides.
“I don’t care what you tell them, just tell them something!”
“You don’t know my mother, she’s gonna drive me insane until she finds out!”
“Of course I don’t know her, since you have made very clear that you’d rather keep me your dirty little secret, ah?!”
His words hit Yunho in places that hurt the most, but the student keeps his stance, unwilling to back up.
“I didn’t see you calling your folks to bring me home either,” he retorts.
“I’ll take you home anytime! Do you want to go now?! We’ll get a fucking train and you can shove your words up your fucking pretentious ass.”
“Go home by yourself. This is crap.”
Yunho stalks out of the room with heavy stomps and grabs his bag violently, emptying the contents over the living room’s small table. It’s three neatly wrapped up presents that clash heavily against the wooden surface. Jaejoong gets to the living room in time to see Yunho walking through the door.
“Merry fucking Christmas, Jaejoong,” he spits before slamming the door shut.
---
The presents are still lying on the floor the next morning where they fell when Jaejoong kicked the table after Yunho left. He hasn’t touched them, just like he hasn’t heard of Yunho since then.
Must be heading for fucking Gwangju right now. Bastard.
All night and day he has spent lying on the floor, eyeing the presents with contempt. The truth is, he wants to be angry, but he can’t. He can’t anymore. One more failure, one more time.
He picks up one of the packages randomly and starts picking at the bright paper. It doesn’t really matter that Christmas is still two days away because when Tuesday comes he’s gonna be as lonely as he is now.
It’s a ring.
A ring that looks exactly like Yunho’s, only it’s big enough to fit his thumb.
He doesn’t know what impulse drove him back then when he rummaged through his room to search for Yunho’s dirty jeans and take the paper, still folded in four, from its pocket, or what made him hail a taxi and frantically wave the paper in the driver’s face to get him to the address quick. All he knows, as he turns the metal bar on his thumb from side to side and waits and waits for his name to be called, is that it all relates to Yunho, somehow.
He’s unprepared; no bars, no presentable clothing, no idea what the hell he’s gonna say or do. He’s but armed with a single ring on his thumb and a passion for music that surpasses everything else.
A woman comes out of the audition room.
“Kim Jaejoong-sshi. Kim Jaejoong-sshi please come in.”
There used to be this large black and white picture of a Broadway street sign at the back of Jaejoong's room's door that he barely remembered who he bought it from, until the morning when Yunho jumped out of bed late for work and was so sleepy that he slammed his face against the door, and the picture fell, and they were too lazy to put it back up.
When he closes his eyes and pictures the sign, Yunho’s lame howling and the funny way in which he rubbed his forehead with his jeans half on comes up. A smile creeps up his lips as he walks into the stage, and for once he isn’t struggling to look perfect; he’s just being himself.
The casting staff gives him an assessing look and Jaejoong stands there casually, breathing deep. What else could go wrong? Worst case scenario would be getting another ‘no’; his best friend half the world away and the man he loves dissing him three days before Christmas, not to forget getting the late shift to work that night. He guesses he could be doing this out of masochism, so he can have another good reason to ditch the world and get drunk.
“Kim-sshi,” one of them says, “which role will you be auditioning for?”
“Roger.”
"Good, did you bring your bars?"
“No, but I can play the piano.”
The man by the piano’s mouth forms a little ‘o’ and he looks at the woman that leads the staff and she nods a little reluctantly.
Jaejoong is granted the piano and he lets the music flow through him when his fingers settle over the keys.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in the life?
Remember the Love, measure your life in Love.
Seasons of Love.
---
Christmas day comes and it's snowing all around. Yoochun has called, his mother has called, his sisters (all eight of them) have called. Yunho hasn't.
Mint closes at six and he's out by six thirty. He doesn't take the subway; nobody is waiting for him at home, and even the cold and the snow are better company than the solitude of his apartment.
He tries hard to fight the regret he feels for saying the things he has said to Yunho, but the silence and the lack of news follow him like his shadow. The past two days have been calm and slow and so full of nothing...
---
He fumbles and almost loses his cell phone as it rings, piercing through the merry silence in the smaller streets in Itaewon. It's only two blocks until he gets home and he curses whoever is forcing his fingers out of the warmth of his coat's pockets. (He has long lost the hope that it might be Yunho; he's sent tons of text messages since the man left, and has tried calling him several times, but his phone appears to be dead.)
A male voice calls his name on the other side of the line once he picks up.
"Kim Jaejoong?"
"Yes, it's me."
---
The phone is still hanging against his ear when the other party hangs up, and Jaejoong is a few meters away from his house and it's snowing like there's no tomorrow and Yunho is standing at his door, red, red all over the face from the cold, freezing, freezing.
He stops, just to make sure this is real and he's not dreaming a cruel dream. Yunho notices him and tries to muster a smile, but his lips are broken and his muscles complain and it only gets halfway through.
"Merry Christmas," he says, voice cracked, and Jaejoong closes his phone and runs, fast, towards him, crashing against his open arms, and they kiss and they kiss in the street, openly and roughly, for anyone who cares to watch.
Jaejoong tries to breathe between Yunho's kisses; his lungs hurt from the cold.
"Yunho-yah," he says, "Yunho-yah." His voice is desperate, pleading, and when his cheeks feel hot again he realizes he's crying and he's shaking, and Yunho is holding him tightly, hands pressing against his back. "They gave me the part," he breathes out, "they gave me the part."
---
"Kim Jaejoong?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Ah, sorry for calling this late. My name is Ju Jihoon, you auditioned for our producers last week for--"
"Yes! Yes... I did."
"--okay. Good. Is this a good time to talk?"
Oh god oh god oh god its them, his mind tells him. He stops in his tracks; his legs are numb and he suspects the cold has nothing to do with it. In a second his vision gets blurry and the sounds from around get muffled behind the deep, masculine voice in the phone.
"Yes, please, go on!" he almost yells. The beating of his heart is so strong that he can hardly hear anything else; he's half excited, half terrified, because he has never been called like this before, and because there's also the chance they're just gonna tell him politely that he wasn't accepted, and he doesn't think he can take another 'no' on this day.
"This is very unexpected, but our production company has pushed the dates for the cast turn over forward, and we need to have our cast confirmed by the end of the week. There will be no callbacks, and you appear amongst our candidates. If you can start working with us next week after New Year, we'll have a spot for you in the next cast list."
Oh, how he could cry.
He takes a small notepad from his bag and scribbles furiously as the man on the line reads some dates and addresses to him, and he can barely pay attention to what he's doing because he's been waiting for this call his whole damn life.
---
Why, How, When. It doesn't matter.
They walk up the stairs clumsily and are already all over each other by the time they reach the apartment's door.
Clothes get discarded one by one, left behind on a trail that ends were Jaejoong's room begins, and they hit the bed fully naked, both wanting to take and give all.
There's nothing artistic in the way they make love. It's clumsy and inexperienced and then hot and fast, shameless, painful and hard. No rhythm, no song.
Take me, I love you.
They do, they do, they do.
---
It takes them two days to get out of bed, save for those few moments in which they take turns to make a small trip to the kitchen looking for food, or they kick each other into the shower because they stink.
When they finally do so it's just to venture quickly into Yunho's room to get more clothes, his toothbrush, a few books and the electric shaver, and even then they walk side by side, hand in hand, oblivious to the staring looks.
There's another day of bed and love making after that.
Eventually, explanations start to fall from their mouths.
"How did you get here?"
"I went to Gwangju, actually. I took the train, got there, and I wanted to come back right away but there was a blizzard and I had to spend the night in the station."
Yunho shakes his head and Jaejoong grins and laughs and kisses him hard, and the fight that made them part is forgotten in the past.
"And you auditioned."
"Yes! For Roger. They needed an understudy fast. It's not main, but the director said there's a chance we'll switch cause the other guy is being scooted by American producers."
Jaejoong's eyes shine brightly against Yunho's chest. "I'll hope for the best," he says. Yunho's hand settles on the middle of his back.
"Hope to the end," he adds, in English. Jaejoong swears he falls in love all over again.
---
The hermit-like way of life ends when Seunghyun, the one from Mint, refuses to cover for Jaejoong at the cafe, and ends the conversation before the singer has the chance to sweet talk somebody else into doing so.
It's so lonely at the apartment without Jaejoong that Yunho decides to give the outside world a chance and he calls Donghae, who is at Hyukjae's, who is in turn speaking to Junsu on his home phone, and somehow they manage to have a four-way conversation from three different places and only two phones.
He calls Changmin, too, and the five of them meet at a traditional restaurant in Insadong.
They drink for about two hours before Hyukjae passes out, and Donghae rolls his eyes and stumbles out of the establishment with Hyukjae's dead weigh hanging from his shoulder, refusing anybody's help. The three remaining men watch until they are gone and burst into laughter, because Yunho and Changmin (who carries a very well made fake ID) are too drunk to do anything else and Junsu is sober but he laughs because that's what he does.
When they get politely kicked out of the restaurant for being noisy, they walk into the closest noraebang and sing for a few hours until their voices are sore and they just sit there and help Changmin drink all kinds of non alcoholic beverages cause there's no way he can go home like that.
Yunho grins cheekily at him and makes funny cute faces when Junsu reprimands him for letting his dongsaeng drink so much.
When they get Changmin's face looking its natural color again, Junsu asks: "What time is it?" and Yunho looks down on his watch and he's smiling like a complete idiot cause the neat white and very stylish Adidas thing was Jaejoong's Christmas present for him, and the memory of Jaejoong is strongly attached with the memory of the past few days and he's glad he's already red for the alcohol, otherwise he'd never be able to explain the sudden blushing creeping up his face.
He feels happy, so happy...
"Who are you thinking about?" teases Junsu from behind, and the answer is immediate:
"Jaejoong-ah..."
---
Changmin isn't so upset at them being in a relationship as he is with the fact that they've been hiding it from him for more than two months.
He calls Jaejoong very early in the morning the next day and demands breakfast together, and Jaejoong doesn't know anything because he was asleep when Yunho crept back in bed that night, so he thinks something has happened and rushes as he gets dressed and gets out.
Changmin meets him in front of Pascucci Coffee with a frown.
"I know about you and Yunho," he says without even saying hello as Jaejoong jogs by his side and catches his breath.
"Shit, Min," he spits, "You could have... said that... on the fucking phone."
The younger man turns and gets into the cafe without saying anything else, and Jaejoong follows him in mortified resignation and pays for what he orders.
"You didn't tell me anything," he says between bite and bite of his bagel, "I even took you to his house, and you didn't say anything at all."
Jaejoong has his cheek resting against his palm and he stirs his coffee with disinterest.
"It wasn't my secret to tell. Yunho didn't want to tell you he was going out with another guy and I respected his decision. How the hell did you find out anyways?"
"Yunho told me and Junsu last night."
"He did?" Jaejoong straightens up and looks at Changmin with much more interest. "Was he drunk?"
"No... Well, not at that time. I think it just slipped and then he had no choice but to spill the whole thing. I think Junsu was pretty shocked too. But anyways, I'm mad at you, just so you know."
"I know."
Jaejoong nods to himself, smile playing over his mouth. Yunho told other people. He knows how hard it is for Yunho to admit to being gay to his closest friends. It's a huge step, huge.
"But also... I've noticed how you guys have been much happier lately. I'm glad for that."
The singer looks up and Changmin is being serious, for once, but he's still scowling and Jaejoong makes a mental note to ruffle his hair and hug him very tight when he has the chance.
"I promise we'll make a lot of time to spoil you rotten too, Min," he says, and soon Changmin is grinning again and one of his eyes is narrowing more than the other in that creepy Changmin style.
They part soon because Yoochun is coming back today, and Jaejoong still needs to find someone with a car to help him pick the pianist up all the way out in Incheon. He asks Changmin about Yunho's other friend, Junsu, but Changmin repeats he's just shocked and that he didn't say much.
Jaejoong just hopes, for Yunho's sake, that he will take it the good way.
---
Yunho wanders through the house at midday in his pink pair of boxers and an oversized woolen sweater, half-hungover and half-depressed. Waking up to an empty bed after confessing you're gay to your best friends is not something he wishes to experience very often.
He checks his cell phone a gazillion times but neither of his younger friends have answered even one of the messages he has sent.
Surprisingly enough, he's not as scared shitless as he thought he would be, but that's maybe because he was expecting insults and threats and he got stunned silence in return.
He cheers up when he hears swearing and movement from the stairs and soon the door opens and he leans against the counter and waits for the owners of the flat to come in.
Yoochun is the first to appear, pulling a small suitcase behind him that gets dropped to the floor as soon as he sees Yunho standing with a big smile on his face.
"Ehhh!!!" Yoochun yells, running and jumping over Yunho in an obnoxiously tight bear hug. He jumps quite literally cause his legs clench at both sides of Yunho and holy crap, can this guy jump high.
"Yoochunnieee," cries Yunho affectionately, holding Yoochun for a few seconds until it's just weird to hold him like that and he lets him fall. The pianist doesn't take offense. He grins maniacally instead and disregards the string of curses that's coming from the stairs where Jaejoong has probably tripped over a piece of luggage and fell a few steps back.
"Guess," says Yoochun picking himself up from the floor, "who has an interview with an actual music producer later next week!"
He says the last part in a squeak and Yunho pulls a face more dignified of someone with a mental illness and they both jump and flail and hug again, doing a happy dance together. When Jaejoong finally gets in the apartment, he is less than happy to find his boyfriend and best friend all snuggled against each other.
"Your fucking luggage is trying to kill me. I demand kisses and apologies."
"What about I kiss you and Yunho says he's sorry?"
"Fuck you."
Yunho laughs and he opens his arms, and Jaejoong kicks Yoochun's luggage viciously before running to his safe place and getting his face kissed all over.
"I missed you too, Jae," comments Yoochun, eyeing his poor bags all shoved over the floor. "I bought a lot of chocolate at the duty-free shop. The horribly bitter one that you like so much. With mint."
He opens one of his smaller bags and produces a green metal box that reads After Eight.
"HOLY SHIT YOU DID NOT."
Yunho gets forgotten in favour of bitter chocolate.
"You better not have had sex in my room or I'll shove all these up your ass," he warns the singer as he hands in the chocolate, and Jaejoong just looks up innocently like he's been told the most horrifying thing in the world.
"We might have," answers Yunho with a pout, revenge sweet against boyfriend-stealing bitter chocolate, but the nonchalance doesn't last long and he turns his head around, flushing red all over his face. He doesn't even want to imagine what kind of things Jaejoong has told Yoochun on their way home.
----
They plan to spend New Year together, the three of them.
Although Yunho had been summoned by his family again, the refusal comes a little more firmly this time, excusing himself with work and poor health and post-exam stress (if such thing even exists).
Jaejoong spends most of the day in the kitchen, preparing all sorts of things to celebrate the upcoming year and his job and Yoochun's interview and Yunho's coming out to his friends (for which Yunho protests a little but he's silenced when a shower of kisses goes his way). Yoochun cleans the house which is usually a mess when Jaejoong is left alone, only Yunho makes it worse and he has this horrible habit of messing things around and losing his stuff in the most random places in the house, and Yoochun is a clean freak and he knows he needs to start the new year with a well organized house. Yunho, for a change, has been sent grocery shopping and he does so warily, leaving the warmth of his practically new home. It's a weird family, but Yoochun and Jaejoong feel much more like home than anybody ever has, and he is thankful to God for putting them in his life.
Welcome home comes in the form of more money and a small list shoved to his face by a frantic Jaejoong.
"Changmin is coming too," he yells as he takes the bags Yunho has and runs back to the kitchen before running back to Yunho. "And we need more stuff--I'm running out of meat and potatoes and…" He takes the last bag and goes back and forth once again, giving Yunho a final peck before pushing him out the door.
Yunho sighs and trots back to the closest market he can find.
---
Changmin comes, but he doesn't come alone.
He brings Junsu with him.
---
Yoochun is more than happy to receive the newcomers and he ushers them to their living room. Junsu tries to apologize for intruding, telling them of his family suddenly flying to Hong Kong for New Year’s and his brother dissing him for his girlfriend, but Yoochun just makes him hush and changes the topic, and soon the three of them are chatting like they've known each other all of their lives.
Yunho is still in the shower when they get there, so Jaejoong sneaks quietly to their-- their-- bedroom to give him the heads up.
"Yunho-yah," he whispers, getting into the room. Yunho has a towel haphazardly thrown over his head and is getting his fine long legs into a pair of dark jeans. He turns to Jaejoong as he enters and arches his brows questioningly.
"I think Changmin brought your friend, Junsu."
The student's eyes go wide like plates and Jaejoong wonders if they should just spend New Year on their own, but then Yunho gulps and he nods, and there's determination in his eyes, albeit a little panicked.
"Okay," he says, "that's fine."
Jaejoong smiles sweetly and he comes forth to kiss him, letting him know how proud he feels of him for doing this for them.
They enter the living room together, Yunho walking first with Jaejoong barely a step behind. Yoochun spots them and greets them with soft eyes, and Junsu and Changmin both turn to catch him reaching back for Jaejoong's hand.
"Hey," he says tentatively. The silence stretches for a mere couple of seconds but it feels like a million years until Junsu steps forward and smiles.
"Hyung," he says, "surprise!"
Yunho stops in his place and blinks in confusion, while Jaejoong collides against him and ultimately just looks over his shoulder at the youngest pair. Changmin walks to Junsu's side and throws an arm around the football player's arms, pointing at them both with his fingers. The difference in height is so big that they make a very unfitting duo.
"Surprise that you're spending New Year with your favourite people!" explains Changmin, in an exasperated tone that defines him all too well. "Jaejoong-hyung, and Junsu-hyung, and me!"
Yoochun makes a complaining sound, and Junsu nods at Changmin's side, and the joke fades when Yunho looks at him, really looks at him, and Junsu's gaze softens and his grin is kind and loving and Yunho walks towards them and hugs them both very very tight, with Jaejoong and Yoochun piling at the sides.
It's just the five of them, hugging, and although they've known each other for so little there is a connection, and they feel it. It's something that lets them know they're at home, now.
They all choose and get their seats ready by the windows to see the fireworks; the apartment has the best view of the sky in all the neighbourhood. There's still half an hour left before the New Year begins, but they're already toasting and eating and making New Year’s resolutions that get changed every time one teases the other. Junsu, they find, is the best victim for Jaejoong and Yoochun's dark humor, but the smaller man gives as much as he receives, making them all burst into tears of joy from time to time.
Junsu gets to corner Yunho after a while, leaving Changmin at the mercy of the apartment owners, with the excuse of helping him with the soju, and they walk clumsily into the kitchen carrying a few empty bottles to throw away.
Yunho speaks first. He's not about to tell him about the drug issue yet, but he guesses, if this goes well, that he'll have time for that.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out like this," he says without looking at him. Junsu sighs.
"Is this why you looked so miserable every time we got together? You got me and Junho really worried, hyung."
Yunho nods, feeling horribly guilty.
"I didn't... I didn't want to accept it first, until I met Jaejoong. I'm still dealing with it, you know. I haven't really told anybody."
"Yunho. I'm not going to lie to you and say it doesn't come as a shock, but I've talked it over with Changmin-ah and my brother and we only want you to know that we love you very much and we never want to see you get so sick and skinny again. So if Jaejoong-sshi makes you happy, then fine. Please don't ever keep a secret that big from us, or from me. I'll never let you down, I promise."
Junsu's words earn him a Yunho-trademark bear hug and he gives it back with all that he's got, because he might be terrible when speaking, but his actions have always been ridden with emotion, and Yunho understands that part of him very well.
"I love you, Junsu," says Yunho.
"I love you too, hyung. Happy New Year."
The fireworks are beautiful against the dark clouds that cover the sky, and it's freezing even when it's not snowing, like now.
The five of them sit down in a semi circle, side by side. The youngest three sit very close to each other while Jaejoong is practically melting against Yunho's chest. For the eldest two, this is a New Year they will never forget, and their hands intertwine and their rings meet in a kiss.
Yunho pulls Jaejoong closer, burying his nose into the now-darker blond hair. So much has changed in so little time, and Jaejoong has been the starting point of all that.
"Love you," he whispers into his ear, and Jaejoong snuggles further against him and starts humming a melody when they settle back.
Things are not perfect; they might never be, but if he can treasure this moment forever, him, Jaejoong, and his three little brothers, he thinks then maybe his life hasn't been that worthless after all.
They look up, all five of them, as the sky explodes in light and sound, and a song they all know plays in their hearts.
They raise their cups.
"Happy New Year!"
---
This is where they begin.
---
The end.
Accompanying art by the amazing reallycorking
Thank you for Reading! xoxox