mmmmm
The whirling of the fan in this room has become a comforting sound. Just to have noise fill the silence. I miss the city. I truly miss it. It's hard to find that middle ground. Find the perfect combination of country and city wrapped up into one. I loved living in Nashville. I've gone over it in my head so many times after I left, what it would be like to live there again. Would it still hold that intimate and comforting sentiment? Or would that be lost and the beauty I had experienced long ago died when the people who filled those moments left the city?
I have never gone back. Never. Not to a job. Not to a lover. Not to a place. I have never moved back to a place I had been before. I'm sure that I could go back. I just know it would never be the same. And yet, it could be something so beautiful.
I love my mom. I wish people would take the time to get to know her. She's got so much wisdom, love and wonderful intentions. She gives me so much. She just overheard a conversation that I had with a very dear friend and she's talking to me about love. And in everything that she's mentioned, I know she's right. No question. No doubt there. Just truth and honesty. I love that about her. She doesn't hide behind vagueness or ambiguity. She doesn't whine about her lot in life. She just does and she just is. In her quiet and soft spoken manner, she tells you about the beauty and sadness of the world. She breaks things down in a way that stings yet frees you. She's such a great lady. I'm glad that some of my friends see it fit to call her "Mom". And that their kids ask for her on a fairly regular basis.
So many good things are on the horizon.
I'm working on a lot of things. It's all coming so quickly. This week I'm working on getting a few donations to RUFF (Rescue for Unwanted Furry Friends) in Fort Walton Beach so that they can raise funds for the animal shelter during the "Doggy Days" event at the Landing. They're going to have a canine parade and RUFF is supposed to have a big great dane in HD gear, apron and all, pulling a lil' wagon with a small prissy pup. It'll be so cute man! I have to get that stuff to them before Saturday. Yikes!! Time's flying. I'm also going to find out how big of a canopy they need to shade the animals so that we can submit a donation bid.
Every year, I organize our store to volunteer man hours and supplies for their bi-annual beach clean-up. We did a big event for that and the kids of Destin Elementary on Earth Day. Our fall volunteering is a lot smaller. Just going and hangin' at the beach. I just got to get them their stuff before the 19th. Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate. Kind of bums me out but it kind of doesn't. I haven't had a road-trip with friends in so long. Last road trip I took was in Feb/March to Nashville. So, I'm heading west and it's going to be so awesome. Mmmmm...
Then there's October. We're building all sorts of shit for Topsail Preserve in Santa Rosa beach for their annual "Scary Trail". I drew up the plans for two guillotines. I got two of my best male buds to start working on that today. We're doing tombstones, bats, giant masks, creatures, and a freaky entrance. I'm hoping I can get volunteers to be work there on the 30th and 31st. We'll see how it goes. Then there's "Farm Day" in Defunky. I can't wait for that. Another kids' workshop for local school children. I love doing those. Kids are so freaking awesome man. They're so beautiful and innocent. Most of all, they're so imaginative. I don't organize that. But, I'm totally going to participate.
The local battered women's shelter (that I used to live next to when I lived in FWB) needs a gazebo for the ladies to take time and reflect... center themselves. I'm working on a bid for that too. There's this piece for the gazebo that I can't find and I don't know if we even sell it so, they may have to buy it with the donation money before we can build it. But we're going to try to provide the rest of the materials and the labor. I've been wanting to work with them for the longest time now.
Also, working on a shed for Children in Crisis. Man, I'm so excited about working with them. We can't do anything major with them right now. I hit a lot of walls when trying to do get them a major foundation grant. But really, it's because I have no experience. So, I told them I would work on smaller projects. Oh oh oh... let me just say... this is an awesome organization. The foster care system in Florida is overrun and doesn't have much allotted to them. So, this organization came together to create a place for these children to go to where the amount of trauma they deal with wouldn't affect them so badly. They have set up an emergency unit where kids who are taken from their homes or abandoned can have a warm bed, clothes, food and not miss out on schooling. They have a playground and an activity center. They're also building 12 foster homes for children to stay in on a permanent basis. It's so wonderful. I got the okay from my boss to take our monthly kids workshops up to the CIC so that we can give the children a positive, expressive, and creative experience. I'm still working out the kinks with the board members. But I just can't wait. I AM SO excited.
So... lots of good things. I feel so fulfilled when I'm doing this. And I am so grateful that I have a job that allows me to do this. Allows me to give back. It's just amazing. I can't believe that I walked away from this part of my life 10 years ago. I can honestly say that I was most happy when I was doing community service and marching for people's rights. It was thrilling and so satisfying. I mean, the work is never done but there's so many niches for people.
I'm a big believer in doing good... being good... working to be better. I have failed in so many ways and with so many things but there's always room for improvement and always another chance to change and do better. So, I am stoked to say the least. Things have gotten tighter and I don't have much to spare but I have a lot to give. That makes my heart happy.
I wish that for you. Be happy. Let yourselves experience the beauty of the world. It's all around us.
On my drive home to celebrate my birthday with mom, I felt a little low. I missed my dad so much. I was reflecting on my last birthday and how happy we all were. All of us. How I was surrounded by so much love and how that some of that love was gone now. As I crossed the bridge on 331, I saw a beautiful rainbow just across from the last spot my dad called my grandmother from at a beach. It was brilliant. Bright and powerful. And it filled me with an overwhelming sense of love. Like, hmmm... I don't even have the words to properly express it. I was One with everything in that moment. A smile stretched across my face and I can say that in that moment I felt bliss and I saw the world in a most perfect way.
That's what I want for everyone. I realize that this sounds like corny shit. And I'm sure those who are of negative mentality or pessimistic outlook are probably calling this a "load of hogwash" or something to that extent. But really, aren't you tired of the misery? The sadness? The apathy? The stagnation? You must be.
This smile is for you. Spread the love. It's everywhere. And you have more inside you to give than you can ever imagine. :)
(ps: I am not high. Just... at peace. So, =P )
I have never gone back. Never. Not to a job. Not to a lover. Not to a place. I have never moved back to a place I had been before. I'm sure that I could go back. I just know it would never be the same. And yet, it could be something so beautiful.
I love my mom. I wish people would take the time to get to know her. She's got so much wisdom, love and wonderful intentions. She gives me so much. She just overheard a conversation that I had with a very dear friend and she's talking to me about love. And in everything that she's mentioned, I know she's right. No question. No doubt there. Just truth and honesty. I love that about her. She doesn't hide behind vagueness or ambiguity. She doesn't whine about her lot in life. She just does and she just is. In her quiet and soft spoken manner, she tells you about the beauty and sadness of the world. She breaks things down in a way that stings yet frees you. She's such a great lady. I'm glad that some of my friends see it fit to call her "Mom". And that their kids ask for her on a fairly regular basis.
So many good things are on the horizon.
I'm working on a lot of things. It's all coming so quickly. This week I'm working on getting a few donations to RUFF (Rescue for Unwanted Furry Friends) in Fort Walton Beach so that they can raise funds for the animal shelter during the "Doggy Days" event at the Landing. They're going to have a canine parade and RUFF is supposed to have a big great dane in HD gear, apron and all, pulling a lil' wagon with a small prissy pup. It'll be so cute man! I have to get that stuff to them before Saturday. Yikes!! Time's flying. I'm also going to find out how big of a canopy they need to shade the animals so that we can submit a donation bid.
Every year, I organize our store to volunteer man hours and supplies for their bi-annual beach clean-up. We did a big event for that and the kids of Destin Elementary on Earth Day. Our fall volunteering is a lot smaller. Just going and hangin' at the beach. I just got to get them their stuff before the 19th. Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate. Kind of bums me out but it kind of doesn't. I haven't had a road-trip with friends in so long. Last road trip I took was in Feb/March to Nashville. So, I'm heading west and it's going to be so awesome. Mmmmm...
Then there's October. We're building all sorts of shit for Topsail Preserve in Santa Rosa beach for their annual "Scary Trail". I drew up the plans for two guillotines. I got two of my best male buds to start working on that today. We're doing tombstones, bats, giant masks, creatures, and a freaky entrance. I'm hoping I can get volunteers to be work there on the 30th and 31st. We'll see how it goes. Then there's "Farm Day" in Defunky. I can't wait for that. Another kids' workshop for local school children. I love doing those. Kids are so freaking awesome man. They're so beautiful and innocent. Most of all, they're so imaginative. I don't organize that. But, I'm totally going to participate.
The local battered women's shelter (that I used to live next to when I lived in FWB) needs a gazebo for the ladies to take time and reflect... center themselves. I'm working on a bid for that too. There's this piece for the gazebo that I can't find and I don't know if we even sell it so, they may have to buy it with the donation money before we can build it. But we're going to try to provide the rest of the materials and the labor. I've been wanting to work with them for the longest time now.
Also, working on a shed for Children in Crisis. Man, I'm so excited about working with them. We can't do anything major with them right now. I hit a lot of walls when trying to do get them a major foundation grant. But really, it's because I have no experience. So, I told them I would work on smaller projects. Oh oh oh... let me just say... this is an awesome organization. The foster care system in Florida is overrun and doesn't have much allotted to them. So, this organization came together to create a place for these children to go to where the amount of trauma they deal with wouldn't affect them so badly. They have set up an emergency unit where kids who are taken from their homes or abandoned can have a warm bed, clothes, food and not miss out on schooling. They have a playground and an activity center. They're also building 12 foster homes for children to stay in on a permanent basis. It's so wonderful. I got the okay from my boss to take our monthly kids workshops up to the CIC so that we can give the children a positive, expressive, and creative experience. I'm still working out the kinks with the board members. But I just can't wait. I AM SO excited.
So... lots of good things. I feel so fulfilled when I'm doing this. And I am so grateful that I have a job that allows me to do this. Allows me to give back. It's just amazing. I can't believe that I walked away from this part of my life 10 years ago. I can honestly say that I was most happy when I was doing community service and marching for people's rights. It was thrilling and so satisfying. I mean, the work is never done but there's so many niches for people.
I'm a big believer in doing good... being good... working to be better. I have failed in so many ways and with so many things but there's always room for improvement and always another chance to change and do better. So, I am stoked to say the least. Things have gotten tighter and I don't have much to spare but I have a lot to give. That makes my heart happy.
I wish that for you. Be happy. Let yourselves experience the beauty of the world. It's all around us.
On my drive home to celebrate my birthday with mom, I felt a little low. I missed my dad so much. I was reflecting on my last birthday and how happy we all were. All of us. How I was surrounded by so much love and how that some of that love was gone now. As I crossed the bridge on 331, I saw a beautiful rainbow just across from the last spot my dad called my grandmother from at a beach. It was brilliant. Bright and powerful. And it filled me with an overwhelming sense of love. Like, hmmm... I don't even have the words to properly express it. I was One with everything in that moment. A smile stretched across my face and I can say that in that moment I felt bliss and I saw the world in a most perfect way.
That's what I want for everyone. I realize that this sounds like corny shit. And I'm sure those who are of negative mentality or pessimistic outlook are probably calling this a "load of hogwash" or something to that extent. But really, aren't you tired of the misery? The sadness? The apathy? The stagnation? You must be.
This smile is for you. Spread the love. It's everywhere. And you have more inside you to give than you can ever imagine. :)
(ps: I am not high. Just... at peace. So, =P )