Back from the dead and Canada
Brothers and sisters, let me spin you a tale of a land of such depravity the likes of which has yet to be seen since the days of plagues. Canada. They have their rolling hills. They have their spectacular view of the Niagara Falls. They even have their own small collection of hot chicks with French accents that speak decent English. But, my friends and comrades, what they do not have is caffeine in their Mountain Dew. Any of it. Any where. None. Apparently years ago some parents thought it was bad for their kids and collectively got the government to ban it. Then Mountain Dew tried a spin-off drink that had caffeine. Also killed. Now, ALL Mountain Dew is caffeine free. The label looks like any other label, but just above the nutritional information in subtle red lettering "Caffeine Free".
The real tragedy here is on a V for Vendetta scale. The government has blinded the youth to the past state of Mountain Dew. We would ask for "regular Mountain Dew" and they would say it's what they carried. But, we would say, there is no caffeine. To which they would reply with blank stares. Like a zombie. Like they were made to sit in front of a screen while caffeine was injected into small, cute baby cows until they exploded and forever seared the images of cow bits flying in all directions only to spell a bloody portent of the evils of Mountain Dew on the ground. WHY!? Ugh. So, I'm back and chugging by the grace of God.
The real tragedy here is on a V for Vendetta scale. The government has blinded the youth to the past state of Mountain Dew. We would ask for "regular Mountain Dew" and they would say it's what they carried. But, we would say, there is no caffeine. To which they would reply with blank stares. Like a zombie. Like they were made to sit in front of a screen while caffeine was injected into small, cute baby cows until they exploded and forever seared the images of cow bits flying in all directions only to spell a bloody portent of the evils of Mountain Dew on the ground. WHY!? Ugh. So, I'm back and chugging by the grace of God.