grind stone
and so it begins again. im sitting in the computer lab in the arts and sciences building, listening to printers whirr and keyboards click. i am so tired of having to come back to this place. i feel like i should have rested over spring break more, but i didnt get the chance because i am always running around trying to make sure everone gets a chance to see me so they dont feel left out or neglected. im so fucking tired of feeling like im filling quotas of people's time and attention when i come to athens. i didnt know so many people needed to see me all the time so desperatly. i wish i could just go home and chill out and not worry about having to run out and spend time with my family or my friends. i had to stay up almost every night until 4 just to get some time to myself. people are so fucking needy.
i dont know why i got so grumpy all of a sudden. i was just studying for my philosophy quiz and i thought of something interesting. people usually make a separation between thought and matter, and that realms of ideas are separate from the material world. but, assuming that thoughts truly occur in the brain, and everything in the brain is either a chemical reaction or an electrical impulse, then thoughts are constructed of matter, since even electrons have mass. the realm of ideas and the realm of matter are one in the same. there really in only one world in which we live, because all things are connected to one another in some way. man, all of this is nonsense. im glad moments pass and go by, leaving us with nothing permanent so nothing really matters. there's that matter thing again!
Goju. oh man, Goju is the most wonderful and empowering thing i have. last weekend was shit. amy and i got into fight after fight, gretchen and julian were in an accident, i discovered that my mom likes to talk about intimate details of my personal life with people at her job, and i was underrested, and sunday night i got to lead class just like i had hoped and burned it all out. i pushed myself as only my father has been able to push me so far. it was the same energy that had me doing 30 inverted crunches, but more wholesome. i wish i had the discipline to train like that every day, but then i would also need the time and energy to train like that every day, and those things get a little hard to come by. but when i think about what i can do, and what i think i know, i feel so much more powerful. i can walk into a situation and know that i will survive whatever happens. not invincible, but strong enough to maintain my own existence without needing to rely on anything else. powerful stuff.
tired. i feel very tired, even though i got a full nights sleep and drank coffee this morning. mabey im in sleep debt, since i didnt get enough sleep almost every night of break. so tired, and still all my classes ahead of me. id better go wait for the first one to start.
i dont know why i got so grumpy all of a sudden. i was just studying for my philosophy quiz and i thought of something interesting. people usually make a separation between thought and matter, and that realms of ideas are separate from the material world. but, assuming that thoughts truly occur in the brain, and everything in the brain is either a chemical reaction or an electrical impulse, then thoughts are constructed of matter, since even electrons have mass. the realm of ideas and the realm of matter are one in the same. there really in only one world in which we live, because all things are connected to one another in some way. man, all of this is nonsense. im glad moments pass and go by, leaving us with nothing permanent so nothing really matters. there's that matter thing again!
Goju. oh man, Goju is the most wonderful and empowering thing i have. last weekend was shit. amy and i got into fight after fight, gretchen and julian were in an accident, i discovered that my mom likes to talk about intimate details of my personal life with people at her job, and i was underrested, and sunday night i got to lead class just like i had hoped and burned it all out. i pushed myself as only my father has been able to push me so far. it was the same energy that had me doing 30 inverted crunches, but more wholesome. i wish i had the discipline to train like that every day, but then i would also need the time and energy to train like that every day, and those things get a little hard to come by. but when i think about what i can do, and what i think i know, i feel so much more powerful. i can walk into a situation and know that i will survive whatever happens. not invincible, but strong enough to maintain my own existence without needing to rely on anything else. powerful stuff.
tired. i feel very tired, even though i got a full nights sleep and drank coffee this morning. mabey im in sleep debt, since i didnt get enough sleep almost every night of break. so tired, and still all my classes ahead of me. id better go wait for the first one to start.