love
Rebecca's LJ reminded me I was going to write something about Valentine's Day. But, I won't be near a computer on that holiday so I'd better write it now.
I know the exact moment when I realized what love was. Different from the love I was raised with. My parent's kind of love was more like an obligation. "These are my kids, and to show them love, I'll provide a home, food and sound morals". Now, that's ok too. But, it's not that deep down, no-matter-what, I love you.
My moment was a few years ago. I was involved with a church youth group that I let myself become totally open to. I would've given the shirt off my back to any one of those kids. During one of our mission trips, I got in a big ass fight with the youth director, Thane. We'd been driving for two days, it was July in Louisiana so it was sweltering hot. We were getting turned around because we had an old map and the state of LA had made new highways. He and I had a total meltdown in the middle of a convenience store (which I'm totally embarassed about now). We eventually mended the fence but I didn't realize how stupid I was for many more years.
Two years later, his position was "eliminated" (gotta luv church politics) and he left the church. Our youth group had a pretty honest and real relationship and I think that scared a lot of people. Within a couple of weeks of the announcement, he was gone. I decided to stay on as a sponser to help with finding new youth director and to help the kids stay with the program. We took a short trip a couple of months later, the first one without Thane. One of the sponsers (who'd been instrumental in getting the dir canned) decided he was going to lead our caravan and we were going to go a new way to the camp because we would get there 20 minutes faster. I thought to myself, what a bastard. I'd rather be lost 100 miles in the wrong direction with Thane, that 20 minutes early without him. I thought about that silly fight in Louisiana over which way we should go. And I realized in that moment that love wasn't about being right. It was about being. I was so lucky to have had the experience at that church and with the people who knew what love was, and how to show it. I know this is why I was meant to be in Wichita as long as I was. I had a to learn about loving others.
I have remained friends with Thane, although our lives have moved on from College Hill UMC. I will always love him for what he showed me about life.
I know the exact moment when I realized what love was. Different from the love I was raised with. My parent's kind of love was more like an obligation. "These are my kids, and to show them love, I'll provide a home, food and sound morals". Now, that's ok too. But, it's not that deep down, no-matter-what, I love you.
My moment was a few years ago. I was involved with a church youth group that I let myself become totally open to. I would've given the shirt off my back to any one of those kids. During one of our mission trips, I got in a big ass fight with the youth director, Thane. We'd been driving for two days, it was July in Louisiana so it was sweltering hot. We were getting turned around because we had an old map and the state of LA had made new highways. He and I had a total meltdown in the middle of a convenience store (which I'm totally embarassed about now). We eventually mended the fence but I didn't realize how stupid I was for many more years.
Two years later, his position was "eliminated" (gotta luv church politics) and he left the church. Our youth group had a pretty honest and real relationship and I think that scared a lot of people. Within a couple of weeks of the announcement, he was gone. I decided to stay on as a sponser to help with finding new youth director and to help the kids stay with the program. We took a short trip a couple of months later, the first one without Thane. One of the sponsers (who'd been instrumental in getting the dir canned) decided he was going to lead our caravan and we were going to go a new way to the camp because we would get there 20 minutes faster. I thought to myself, what a bastard. I'd rather be lost 100 miles in the wrong direction with Thane, that 20 minutes early without him. I thought about that silly fight in Louisiana over which way we should go. And I realized in that moment that love wasn't about being right. It was about being. I was so lucky to have had the experience at that church and with the people who knew what love was, and how to show it. I know this is why I was meant to be in Wichita as long as I was. I had a to learn about loving others.
I have remained friends with Thane, although our lives have moved on from College Hill UMC. I will always love him for what he showed me about life.