Meme-ification, Strike Seventy
This meme, nicked from roruna , made my day. On the other hand, it also wasted an hour of my life haha. You win some, you lose some. I think.
The Rules
2. Havelock Vetinari
3. Moist von Lipwig
4. Betty "Shufti" Manickle
5. Sacharissa Cripslock
6. Om
7. Samuel Vimes
8. Tomjon Bugger-Me-But-I-Forget-His-Last-Name
9. Lu-Tze
10. Carrot Ironfoundersson
11. Medium Dave (shut up shut up shut up)
12. The Bursar
Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
No. I want to; it would be kind of awesome, although damned if I know how Medium Dave, who obviously worships only his mother, would get into one of Om's hells reserved for the basically decent thugs, hahaha.
Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Uh. I suspect that she's pretty in a plump sort of way; you know, a bit soft around the edges with perhaps an amusingly squashy nose, but generally decent looking. Hot is... almost certainly the wrong word.
What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
OH GOD MPREG. But I can almost see that happening, if one takes the question a little less. literally and assumes it to mean 'the Bursar, ah, inspires his new friend Tomjon to take on a role as Isis, Virgin Mother of Offler the Crocodile God in the wizard students' yearly pageant'. Tomjon is, after all, an incredible actor...
Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
Only one comes to mind at the moment, but it is a very good one: Merely A Sweeper, bykaranguni .
Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Good gods, no. But a hilarious one, yes. Brutha made his god get religion; under Havelock Vetinari's tutelage, who knows what monstrosity will be born of that once relatively innocent, if bumbling and inconsiderate, little god now called Om? Plus, implausible divine/mortal sex in the bargain! Immortal/mortal suddenly seems quite passe.
Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
Sacharissa/Lu-Tze would be better for entertainment, Sacharissa/Carrot for slight plausibility, I suppose, although Angua would have to have been dead for like five years haha, otherwise the thought would bring her forth from the grave. And, of course, I prefer five/nine, because let's face it, Sweeper would totally hang out in the news room and grow his mountains in Otto's cellar while Sacharissa got increasingly freaked out and William wandered around saying 'bwuh?'
What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
VIMES: Please, please kill me now.
VETINARI: I'm sure something can be arranged, Vimes, but I am, in fact, otherwise occupied at the moment.
VIMES: I can't hear you! I can't hear you!
BURSAR: Whoops! Melon melon melon, would you like a jelly doughnut?
VIMES: Oh gods. Oh gods.
Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
"At a certain age, many women get tired of nice and go looking for trouble in a trench coat and a dangerous smile. Moist von Lipwig, ever contrary. was getting tired of trouble, and there was a growing part of him that wanted to go looking for nice. Worse yet, it wanted to go looking for nice in a shiny breastplate and a bright orange crew-cut."
HAHA I win.
Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Not YET there isn't. *eye twinkles madly* But if someone were to write that pageant story, well. Tomjon was innocently researching the clothing fashions for pregnant women of the period, and the Librarian just wanted to help... XD
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
Insanity Ain't All That It's Cracked Up To Be
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
It would have to be set before the Librarian had, in fact, become the Librarian as we know him, back when he was possibly Horace Something-or-other, with an unfortunate incident involving L-space thrown in for good measure to get Shufti to the necessary coordinates. That is, if I wanted to avoid an utterly cracky story. Which I do not. Pointless damn exercise, alas.
Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Yes. aramis_chan andthe_midget_bee , definitely; a few others on occasion, but those two are the most enthusiastic about it. :D
Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
plottwist13, possiblyaramis_chan ,
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
No. Because we NEVER GET ANY DECENT DESCRIPTION OF HIM EVER. *ahem* Sorry. But someone should. Preferably cowering before his bulldog-inna-wig of a mother.
Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
plottwist13 would if I begged her. Right? Right?? Which I may very well do. Havelock Vetinari/Shufti/Sacharissa for the win haha. Who knew the Patrician was so kinky?
...
Oh yeah. Everyone.
What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
"Dxmn!" in best Dwarfish impossible vowelless fashion.
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?
I had to look up something for this one, but "Too Many People" by Paul McCartney might fit the bill, if I ever wrote songfics. Which I don't.
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
Rated for bestiality and gratuitously disgusting references to exactly what kind of 'good eating' can be found on a tortoise. Librarian/Om/Bursar, wow. The Tortoise and the Monkey with a bit of Absolutely Bonkers sprinkled in.
What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
Havelock Vetinari.
Pick-up line
To use on Carrot.
Uh. Uh. *boggles briefly* "Perhaps we should check exactly how rotted that throne is, hmm?"
Or, er, "I assure you, duplicity and subterfuge have more to offer than you might imagine, Captain." Hahaha oh gods.
When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
At least three or four months ago, unless you countcopperbadge 's fic about her daughter. The other one wasn't much good.
What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Tortoise-shell glasses. Or - wait for it - commandments.
Would Eleven shag Nine?
No, no, Medium Dave is a Manly Man and even a sailor as gay as a tree full of monkeys hopped up on nitrous oxide, suffering from madness brought on by too much time at sea, would not forget Rule One enough to contemplate it, let alone Mr. Straight Thug With Mommy Issues.
If Three and Seven get together, who tops?
Vimes, I expect. Suddenly this exchange takes on so many levels of meaning:
MOIST: Am I in trouble, Commander Vimes?
VIMES: Mr. Lipwig, there's no word for what you're in.
(Paraphrased, because I can't find my book. I'm sure you see my point, anyway.)
One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
The Librarian and Lu-Tze are in a happy relationship...
"'Scuse me, 'scuse me, coming through," said Lu-Tze, politely sweeping the bewildered Ridcully off his feet with a well-placed jab of the broomstick.
"My good man, you can't be serious -" Ridcully began. And stopped, as Lu-Tze swept his way through the huge doors of the Library, which had been left uncharacteristically ajar.
"Good gods," he finished, staring at what was, unmistakably, a bibliophilic orangutan's idea of a love nest.
...until suddenly Lu-Tze runs off with Shufti Manickle.
Lu-Tze liked the girl, who showed proper respect to his status as a wrinkly little bald man and took the same care about her cooking as he did about his bonsai mountains. Also, there was the call of History about her. An unlikely candidate, yes, but on the other hand a more amiable one than most, and if he didn't tweak things a bit she might be violently dead in a few months.
"We have an opening at the Duchess," she told him, hopefully; "you know, for an odd-job man. And someone to, er, I don't know, have a sort of look at the boiler, or something."
"Ah yes," he said, nodding wisely. "Very important, looking at the boiler. Often I spend months looking at boiler and thinking good thoughts to bring out its chi, so that heat can flow throughout building."
"Wonderful!" said Betty, and looked sincere in the bargain. Nevertheless, something seemed to be on her mind,
"But, um, could you try to keep the good thoughts down when Mal and Polly are staying for the night? Mal says good chi gives her hives," she said at last.
"Certianly, certainly," Lu-Tze assured her, and didn't mention that most of the thoughts consisted of 'bloody buggering boiler, spit out the wrench'.
The Librarian, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Medium Dave...
Catseye was the first to break the silence.
"What the hell was that?"
"Shut up," said Medium Dave.
"But -"
"Shut up."
"'E was tickling you -"
"Shut up or I'll cut out your spleen and stick it down your throat," Dave snarled, and tried to block out thoughts of soft, silky orange hair with denial, which is, as everyone knows, the mental equivalent of chicken-wire when it comes to keeping the bodies firmly at the bottom of the sea.
...and a brief unhappy affair with the Bursar...
"Mr. Jelly says you don't glomp me enough."
"OOK?"
...then follows the wise advice of Sacharissa Cripslock...
"How old are you, Mr. Librarian?"
"Ook."
Sacharissa made a note in her book, then flashed him a bright smile and went on: "Well, a ma-mon-ape of your age and figure should be out and about, seeking new loves, don't you think? You can't spend your whole life moping."
And you definitely can't spend it moping locked in with a bunch of homicidal textbooks, she added, in the privacy of her own mind. For one thing, your wizards would sue.
"Eek."
"Come now, Mr. Librarian. At least you could try it, right?"
"Ook?"
"For heavens sake, does it really matter? Ask the first person you see on the street. Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky."
...and finds true love with Moist von Lipwig.
Moist was walking down the street, humming a little tune, and wondering aloud whether he should get the suit polished up when It happened,
"I was thinking maybe the golden elbows should be greasedmmmpghagh," he said, and was knocked head over heels by three hundred pounds of lustful orangutan.
A pair of large brown eyes met a pair of nondescript grey-blue ones.
"Oh gods," said Moist, as something warm and sparkly burst inside him where popular theory had the heart to be located, and passed out.
Do you know, that's almost quite plausible if you twist your brain at right angles and do a Bloody Stupid Johnson with the definition of pi within your internal universe?
I would title it "Shenanigans Of An Orangutan: Or, How The Librarian Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Con". And if either plottwist13 or aramis_chan were to write this, I would love and adore them forever and ever.
How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?
Intensely amused. And mildly concerned about the progression of Pterry's Alzheimer's. Though really all it would take is a little tweaking of that one scene from Night Watch...
Vimes/Lu-Tze: Prodding Buttock Since Six Thousand Years Before You Were Born, Whippersnapper.
The Rules
- First, write down the names of 12 characters.
- Then read and answer the questions.
- You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.
2. Havelock Vetinari
3. Moist von Lipwig
4. Betty "Shufti" Manickle
5. Sacharissa Cripslock
6. Om
7. Samuel Vimes
8. Tomjon Bugger-Me-But-I-Forget-His-Last-Name
9. Lu-Tze
10. Carrot Ironfoundersson
11. Medium Dave (shut up shut up shut up)
12. The Bursar
Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
No. I want to; it would be kind of awesome, although damned if I know how Medium Dave, who obviously worships only his mother, would get into one of Om's hells reserved for the basically decent thugs, hahaha.
Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Uh. I suspect that she's pretty in a plump sort of way; you know, a bit soft around the edges with perhaps an amusingly squashy nose, but generally decent looking. Hot is... almost certainly the wrong word.
What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
OH GOD MPREG. But I can almost see that happening, if one takes the question a little less. literally and assumes it to mean 'the Bursar, ah, inspires his new friend Tomjon to take on a role as Isis, Virgin Mother of Offler the Crocodile God in the wizard students' yearly pageant'. Tomjon is, after all, an incredible actor...
Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
Only one comes to mind at the moment, but it is a very good one: Merely A Sweeper, bykaranguni .
Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Good gods, no. But a hilarious one, yes. Brutha made his god get religion; under Havelock Vetinari's tutelage, who knows what monstrosity will be born of that once relatively innocent, if bumbling and inconsiderate, little god now called Om? Plus, implausible divine/mortal sex in the bargain! Immortal/mortal suddenly seems quite passe.
Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
Sacharissa/Lu-Tze would be better for entertainment, Sacharissa/Carrot for slight plausibility, I suppose, although Angua would have to have been dead for like five years haha, otherwise the thought would bring her forth from the grave. And, of course, I prefer five/nine, because let's face it, Sweeper would totally hang out in the news room and grow his mountains in Otto's cellar while Sacharissa got increasingly freaked out and William wandered around saying 'bwuh?'
What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
VIMES: Please, please kill me now.
VETINARI: I'm sure something can be arranged, Vimes, but I am, in fact, otherwise occupied at the moment.
VIMES: I can't hear you! I can't hear you!
BURSAR: Whoops! Melon melon melon, would you like a jelly doughnut?
VIMES: Oh gods. Oh gods.
Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
"At a certain age, many women get tired of nice and go looking for trouble in a trench coat and a dangerous smile. Moist von Lipwig, ever contrary. was getting tired of trouble, and there was a growing part of him that wanted to go looking for nice. Worse yet, it wanted to go looking for nice in a shiny breastplate and a bright orange crew-cut."
HAHA I win.
Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Not YET there isn't. *eye twinkles madly* But if someone were to write that pageant story, well. Tomjon was innocently researching the clothing fashions for pregnant women of the period, and the Librarian just wanted to help... XD
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
Insanity Ain't All That It's Cracked Up To Be
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
It would have to be set before the Librarian had, in fact, become the Librarian as we know him, back when he was possibly Horace Something-or-other, with an unfortunate incident involving L-space thrown in for good measure to get Shufti to the necessary coordinates. That is, if I wanted to avoid an utterly cracky story. Which I do not. Pointless damn exercise, alas.
Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Yes. aramis_chan andthe_midget_bee , definitely; a few others on occasion, but those two are the most enthusiastic about it. :D
Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
plottwist13, possiblyaramis_chan ,
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
No. Because we NEVER GET ANY DECENT DESCRIPTION OF HIM EVER. *ahem* Sorry. But someone should. Preferably cowering before his bulldog-inna-wig of a mother.
Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
plottwist13 would if I begged her. Right? Right?? Which I may very well do. Havelock Vetinari/Shufti/Sacharissa for the win haha. Who knew the Patrician was so kinky?
...
Oh yeah. Everyone.
What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
"Dxmn!" in best Dwarfish impossible vowelless fashion.
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?
I had to look up something for this one, but "Too Many People" by Paul McCartney might fit the bill, if I ever wrote songfics. Which I don't.
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
Rated for bestiality and gratuitously disgusting references to exactly what kind of 'good eating' can be found on a tortoise. Librarian/Om/Bursar, wow. The Tortoise and the Monkey with a bit of Absolutely Bonkers sprinkled in.
What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
Havelock Vetinari.
Pick-up line
To use on Carrot.
Uh. Uh. *boggles briefly* "Perhaps we should check exactly how rotted that throne is, hmm?"
Or, er, "I assure you, duplicity and subterfuge have more to offer than you might imagine, Captain." Hahaha oh gods.
When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
At least three or four months ago, unless you countcopperbadge 's fic about her daughter. The other one wasn't much good.
What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Tortoise-shell glasses. Or - wait for it - commandments.
Would Eleven shag Nine?
No, no, Medium Dave is a Manly Man and even a sailor as gay as a tree full of monkeys hopped up on nitrous oxide, suffering from madness brought on by too much time at sea, would not forget Rule One enough to contemplate it, let alone Mr. Straight Thug With Mommy Issues.
If Three and Seven get together, who tops?
Vimes, I expect. Suddenly this exchange takes on so many levels of meaning:
MOIST: Am I in trouble, Commander Vimes?
VIMES: Mr. Lipwig, there's no word for what you're in.
(Paraphrased, because I can't find my book. I'm sure you see my point, anyway.)
One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
The Librarian and Lu-Tze are in a happy relationship...
"'Scuse me, 'scuse me, coming through," said Lu-Tze, politely sweeping the bewildered Ridcully off his feet with a well-placed jab of the broomstick.
"My good man, you can't be serious -" Ridcully began. And stopped, as Lu-Tze swept his way through the huge doors of the Library, which had been left uncharacteristically ajar.
"Good gods," he finished, staring at what was, unmistakably, a bibliophilic orangutan's idea of a love nest.
...until suddenly Lu-Tze runs off with Shufti Manickle.
Lu-Tze liked the girl, who showed proper respect to his status as a wrinkly little bald man and took the same care about her cooking as he did about his bonsai mountains. Also, there was the call of History about her. An unlikely candidate, yes, but on the other hand a more amiable one than most, and if he didn't tweak things a bit she might be violently dead in a few months.
"We have an opening at the Duchess," she told him, hopefully; "you know, for an odd-job man. And someone to, er, I don't know, have a sort of look at the boiler, or something."
"Ah yes," he said, nodding wisely. "Very important, looking at the boiler. Often I spend months looking at boiler and thinking good thoughts to bring out its chi, so that heat can flow throughout building."
"Wonderful!" said Betty, and looked sincere in the bargain. Nevertheless, something seemed to be on her mind,
"But, um, could you try to keep the good thoughts down when Mal and Polly are staying for the night? Mal says good chi gives her hives," she said at last.
"Certianly, certainly," Lu-Tze assured her, and didn't mention that most of the thoughts consisted of 'bloody buggering boiler, spit out the wrench'.
The Librarian, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Medium Dave...
Catseye was the first to break the silence.
"What the hell was that?"
"Shut up," said Medium Dave.
"But -"
"Shut up."
"'E was tickling you -"
"Shut up or I'll cut out your spleen and stick it down your throat," Dave snarled, and tried to block out thoughts of soft, silky orange hair with denial, which is, as everyone knows, the mental equivalent of chicken-wire when it comes to keeping the bodies firmly at the bottom of the sea.
...and a brief unhappy affair with the Bursar...
"Mr. Jelly says you don't glomp me enough."
"OOK?"
...then follows the wise advice of Sacharissa Cripslock...
"How old are you, Mr. Librarian?"
"Ook."
Sacharissa made a note in her book, then flashed him a bright smile and went on: "Well, a ma-mon-ape of your age and figure should be out and about, seeking new loves, don't you think? You can't spend your whole life moping."
And you definitely can't spend it moping locked in with a bunch of homicidal textbooks, she added, in the privacy of her own mind. For one thing, your wizards would sue.
"Eek."
"Come now, Mr. Librarian. At least you could try it, right?"
"Ook?"
"For heavens sake, does it really matter? Ask the first person you see on the street. Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky."
...and finds true love with Moist von Lipwig.
Moist was walking down the street, humming a little tune, and wondering aloud whether he should get the suit polished up when It happened,
"I was thinking maybe the golden elbows should be greasedmmmpghagh," he said, and was knocked head over heels by three hundred pounds of lustful orangutan.
A pair of large brown eyes met a pair of nondescript grey-blue ones.
"Oh gods," said Moist, as something warm and sparkly burst inside him where popular theory had the heart to be located, and passed out.
Do you know, that's almost quite plausible if you twist your brain at right angles and do a Bloody Stupid Johnson with the definition of pi within your internal universe?
I would title it "Shenanigans Of An Orangutan: Or, How The Librarian Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Con". And if either plottwist13 or aramis_chan were to write this, I would love and adore them forever and ever.
How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?
Intensely amused. And mildly concerned about the progression of Pterry's Alzheimer's. Though really all it would take is a little tweaking of that one scene from Night Watch...
Vimes/Lu-Tze: Prodding Buttock Since Six Thousand Years Before You Were Born, Whippersnapper.