(Private) ♪ Yeah I figured it out now - breaking's what the heart is for...
I'm alright, alright, I feel alright,
I never been better in my life.
You know the score~
I'm just fine, I'm fine, feeling fine,
A regular sawed off valentine.
That nothing more...
3.04am right now an' here I am, sittin' at the computer, watchin' the journals, MSN, AIM, pretty much any place we used to talk, really an' listening to these stupid CD's I got from Tatum (well, they're not stupid, I REALLY like 'em, but they're real depressing, which doesn't help) and just... Thinkin' too much, I guess. Thinkin' an' feelin' even more alone than I normally do all these miles away~
I mean, sure there's the digi-ports, I have Henri an' Christophe an' Catherine is the best friend ANYONE could ever hope for, but it's not the same anymore... I mean, Paris was never 'home', Tokyo was home, you know? Tokyo was where my friends were, where my Takeru was an' now it's like... Damn I dunno. Home is no-where an' anywhere at the same time. An' that makes no sense...
Takeru said I should call him, when I was ready to talk, you know. I mean, sure he hurt me an' I REALLY wanted to so bad to at least TRY an' hate him but who the hell am I kiddin'?! Yeah, okay, he had a point, stuff's not been 'right' for a while, but I'm not gonna just stop loving him at the flip of a switch! This is gonna hurt for a while, an' sure, I know it wasn't easy for him, I know it probably hurt him too 'cos I KNOW he still cares, if nothin' else, but... I just can't handle it right now - talkin' to him an' not bein' with him. That's all.
Stupid, huh?
I guess it's good that I don't have practice or work 'til late tomorrow. Practice's midday-3pm, workin' 4-8pm. Still, it would be good to get some sleep, I've not slept much since~ It was good, havin' tatum over that first night, I slept then - more of a 'cried to sleep' thing, but still sleep - but not really more than a coupl'a hours at a time since. It's silly really, missin' somethin' that was so far away anyways - if everythin' was still normal, I wouldn't be missin' him (well, I WOULD, but not to the point of not sleepin' you know?)
I guess night-time's worst. I mean, there are people online, I don't have to feel all alone, but I kinda... I dunno. I just don't want THEM I want HIM. Or Catherine, I can talk to her an' not feel like a complete idiot somehow, so she'd been good but she's asleep an' I'm not important enough to wake her, so...
WHY can't I call him?! I REALLY wish I could call him...
You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
You're my sweet soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain.
Oh baby bring,
On the pain.
And listen to the thunder~
I never been better in my life.
You know the score~
I'm just fine, I'm fine, feeling fine,
A regular sawed off valentine.
That nothing more...
3.04am right now an' here I am, sittin' at the computer, watchin' the journals, MSN, AIM, pretty much any place we used to talk, really an' listening to these stupid CD's I got from Tatum (well, they're not stupid, I REALLY like 'em, but they're real depressing, which doesn't help) and just... Thinkin' too much, I guess. Thinkin' an' feelin' even more alone than I normally do all these miles away~
I mean, sure there's the digi-ports, I have Henri an' Christophe an' Catherine is the best friend ANYONE could ever hope for, but it's not the same anymore... I mean, Paris was never 'home', Tokyo was home, you know? Tokyo was where my friends were, where my Takeru was an' now it's like... Damn I dunno. Home is no-where an' anywhere at the same time. An' that makes no sense...
Takeru said I should call him, when I was ready to talk, you know. I mean, sure he hurt me an' I REALLY wanted to so bad to at least TRY an' hate him but who the hell am I kiddin'?! Yeah, okay, he had a point, stuff's not been 'right' for a while, but I'm not gonna just stop loving him at the flip of a switch! This is gonna hurt for a while, an' sure, I know it wasn't easy for him, I know it probably hurt him too 'cos I KNOW he still cares, if nothin' else, but... I just can't handle it right now - talkin' to him an' not bein' with him. That's all.
Stupid, huh?
I guess it's good that I don't have practice or work 'til late tomorrow. Practice's midday-3pm, workin' 4-8pm. Still, it would be good to get some sleep, I've not slept much since~ It was good, havin' tatum over that first night, I slept then - more of a 'cried to sleep' thing, but still sleep - but not really more than a coupl'a hours at a time since. It's silly really, missin' somethin' that was so far away anyways - if everythin' was still normal, I wouldn't be missin' him (well, I WOULD, but not to the point of not sleepin' you know?)
I guess night-time's worst. I mean, there are people online, I don't have to feel all alone, but I kinda... I dunno. I just don't want THEM I want HIM. Or Catherine, I can talk to her an' not feel like a complete idiot somehow, so she'd been good but she's asleep an' I'm not important enough to wake her, so...
WHY can't I call him?! I REALLY wish I could call him...
You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
You're my sweet soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain.
Oh baby bring,
On the pain.
And listen to the thunder~