[DNDR Thread] I just wanted to ask...

[goggleboy03]

Matt really wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd talked with Mello in the bar. It was hard to keep track of time in the mansion (and his DS clock skipping around at random didn't really help), but he'd guess at least a few days. Maybe a week? He normally didn't care so much, but he couldn't help but wonder how much had changed between

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[shinigami_is]

Misa had been sleeping. She'd had the dream again, but this time it was shorter - just a montage of images from her previous nightmares: her bloody hands, smeared fingerprints on clean white walls, then a river of innocent blood washing her away, pulling her under. Her mouth open and closing soundlessly, screaming for Light.

She awoke with a start, her skin slick with sweat, the same gravelly feeling in her throat as if she'd really been screaming, again. At least nobody had been around to hear it, this time. The room seemed to be completely empty. It gave her an odd, disoriented feeling to wake up without Matt or Light there. As if someone had hollowed out her chest.

What had woken her? She sat up in bed, looking around the dimly lit room in confusion. Then, the knock. She blinked, glancing over at the door. Would Mello knock? Probably not, even if it wasn't his room too

[goggleboy03]

Matt stepped back a bit as the door opened. She'd obviously been sleeping, so he felt a bit bad at waking her...though she didn't look very rested anyway. Perhaps a nightmare? A place like this could certainly cause them.
"Ah, no. We did talk before...did I wake you? Sorry."

[shinigami_is]

"Oh." she remembered the conversation, now. This was Jerk!Matt. "...right."

She yawned, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I think I woke up anyway, before you knocked. It's fine." oddly enough, she actually meant it. It was kind of comforting to have someone there, after waking up from that horrible nightmare again. "...did you, er, want to come in?"

She had no idea what she wanted, but it didn't seem to matter too much. The fact was, she disliked being alone at the best of times...and now wasn't really the best of times. She stepped back from the door to allow him entrance.

[goggleboy03]

Matt rubbed his head, suddenly unsure of what he was doing. In his own way, he wanted to check up on her, but he wasn't so sure how to do that. But he came all this way...
"If you don't mind?" Since she had stepped out of the doorway, Matt assumed she didn't mind. He entered the room, but lingered in the doorway.
"I wanted to talk to you." He sounded a bit shy, if anything.

[shinigami_is]

Ok. That was weird. Perhaps she was still dreaming?

"Oh?" despite herself, her curiosity had been peaked. She crossed the room, flopping back down onto the bed, on her stomach. Misa was never much one for formality, especially not in (what felt like) the middle of the night. She looked over at him, standing in the doorway.

"You can sit down, you know."

[goggleboy03]

"Oh..." Right. Matt offered a smile and took a seat in the nearest chair. "Sorry."
He sighed and shook his head a bit. Matt wasn't used to taking initiative like this, so he still felt, and looked, a bit awkward. But he tried to look friendly, at least.
"I know its not really my business. And feel free to kick me out. But I was wondering...I saw you with Matt and Mello the other day."

[shinigami_is]

He looked so awkward. It was kind of endearing. Perhaps he wasn't such a jerk, after all. Or perhaps her relationship with her Matt was just making her more tolerant of Matts in general.

"Yeaaah..." she nodded, raising her eyebrows at him. Where on earth was he going with this? And why did he think bringing it up would make her kick him out. "This is, y'know...their room, as well." she wondered if he knew that, already, or if that was news to him. She'd figured it was (relatively) common knowledge, but perhaps not.

[goggleboy03]

"I know. I took Mello back here after he drank too much. Though he probably wouldn't tell it the same as I do." He grinned a bit.
It didn't really help. He might as well cut to the chase. "Is this really what you want? You...well, from what I gathered your relationship with Light was a lot different than it seems to be with Matt."

[shinigami_is]

She hadn't been expecting that. She gave him a strange look, eyebrow still quirked as she sat up, more awake now, the question having sobered her somewhat.

"...well, yeah." she agreed, slowly. "Light was...is a lot different to Matt. He's here, you know. In the mansion. That was...awkward." that's an understatement. "But since I've been here people have been voicing all these things that I think I'd known for a long time...things about Light and I, little doubts and worries that I'd shoved really far down in my subconscious. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that he didn't..." she closed her eyes, momentarily, taking a deep breath. It was still hard for her to admit it. "...really care about me, at all. Probably never had."

"Matt was there for me. When I was scared and freaking out and alone."

[goggleboy03]

Matt had serious doubts about any Light's ability to care about anyone but himself. He probably always would, or at least hold a bit of a grudge. The other Matt was probably much better for her in that capacity.
He smiled a bit. "Its never good to be alone, I know that. Its always better to have someone to lean on, or to hold you up, or...whatever they are to you." He shrugged. "Sometimes maybe its--no. I'm not really sure how to put this. Before, Light was everything to you, right? More than just a lover, but a purpose and a..." Master? No, that wasn't the right word. "Leader. Or something like that."

[shinigami_is]

She tilted her head to one side, considering his statement.

"Yes." she agreed, finally. "He i-...was." it was still hard to imagine being permanently without Light - without his guidance, without him instructing her on what to do, how to act, who to talk to and what to say. The structure had made her happy, had kept her from dwelling too much on her past. Part of her had always wondered whether she could have done something, to save her parents. But then Light came along - punished the killer, and told her how she could help. The burden of decision making - or responsibility for those decisions made - was no longer her own.

"But...that isn't right, is it? You shouldn't need someone else to...lead you. You should be able to stand on your own two feet." it came out as more of a question than a statement. She looked over at him, uncertainly.

[goggleboy03]

Matt rubbed his head. "Maybe. That's what most people tell you. I'm not sure if its really true."
He wasn't really sure he should continue. He dimly remembered agreeing with something like that once, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Was it better to try help Misa to or away from that, or let her do it on her own?
"You can still stand on your own two feet while following someone else. If that's what you feel you need."

[shinigami_is]

"But he doesn't care about me." she replied, flatly. "If he did, then perhaps it would be different. But as soon as I stop being useful, he'll just..." she shrugged "...well, he said he wouldn't kill me. But his reasons weren't anything to do with how he supposedly feels about me. They were all just...logical. He couldn't kill me, because people would get suspicious. So I guess he'd keep me around, even if I stopped being useful to him, but he'd probably just...forget me." she bit her bottom lip, a shadow crossing her face "...I think that's worse."

[goggleboy03]

A leader that doesn't care about her. That's how it seemed to work normally, didn't it? Though Matt didn't like thinking those he followed didn't care for him, even if it wasn't possible for them to do so.
"I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to say 'go back to Light.' I don't even like Light. I just wanted to make sure you were really alright being on your own."
He sighed, shook his head, and stood up. "You're probably right. A forgotten toy is worse than a discarded one."

[shinigami_is]

Something about his use of the word 'toy' annoyed her, and she bristled instantly, her brows furrowing.

"Why do you care, anyway? It's not like you even know me, really." she paused, a thought suddenly occurring to her "...Mello didn't put you up to this, did he? I get the feeling he...isn't really crazy about the me and Matt thing."

[goggleboy03]

Matt shook his head. "No. I wouldn't do something like this for Mello. At least not that Mello. Its just...
"I know what its like to be alone and need someone to take care of you. Or lead you. Or however you want to phrase it."