Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Whispering Rock/Thorney Towers Part 8!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Counsellor-specific edition (Part 4)
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Thread on LucasForums someone started with some nice fan submissions.
Part NEIN
Sasha does not need his Black Power Gem to live.
-Sasha does not have a Black Power Gem.
It in unacceptable for me to tell Crispin to "throw another shrimp on the barbie" after realising he is in fact Australian instead of English.
-Ditto telling him to "tie me kangaroo down, sport".
-Or asking him "WTF, mate?"
-Or making intentional references to any of the following: Kao the kangaroo, Waltzing Matilda, Crash Bandicoot (ESPECIALLY not the character Ripper Roo), Rolf Harris, sheep, kangaroos, koalas, Or any character from the cartoon Taz-Mania.
Despite the fact that the GPC is small and Sasha's lab is huge, the GPC is not a TARDIS.
A censor in a pink hoodie did not steal my bike.
I may not ask Sasha, Fred, Crispin and Mikhail to reenact WW2 for me.
I do not need to make a small ritual sacrifice to the Brain Tumbler before using it.
-Especially not a live sacrifice.
I am not allowed to light candles in a pentagram around the counsellor/crazy I'm going into the mind of.
I can't wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at counsellors.
-Or the Crazies.
-Especially Boyd.
I will not get down on my knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again!" when the burgers are ready as I will really have to eat my words in a day or so. (Hey, at least you have the words to eat.)
Bobby's middle name is not Flowers. That's Crystal I'm thinking of.
-I really, really shouldn't tell that rumor to Crystal, no matter how amusing the results.
No matter what Chloe told me, that is in fact a moon.
I am to respond to Sasha's commands with "Yes, Agent Nein", not "Jawohl, mein Herr!"
No matter how much he enjoys it, I really shouldn't address Raz as "your excellency".
Agent Cruller cannot and will not tell me any stories about World War 1.
I did not feel a great disturbance in the Force.
Clamping my hands over my ears and grimacing is not a polite way to end a conversation.
As far as everyone else is concerned, Censors are not sexy.
-Ditto G-Men.
-I am to keep my weird fetishes to myself.
El Odio does not "give you wiiiiiiings!".
Mikhail will not scream "AAAAAAH MOTHERLAND!" at the end of the world.
-Nor will Crispin go "WTF, mate?"
-Likewise, Fred will not "Have a nap and then FIRE ZE MISSILES!" Besides, I have already been told about that.
Commentary on what I see when using Clairvoyance on fellow cadets should be kept to a minimum.
-Especially if about the bullseye placement on what Bobby sees Raz as.
Chops is in no way related to Terrance and Phillip.
Raz does not want to know what I RP'd last night.
-Especially if it involved him, Bobby and M-Preg.
-Bobby doesn't want to hear about it either.
El Odio is not "Horny".
I am not allowed to steal Censor stamps and hide them. This is just cruel.
-It is especially unwise to do several times to the Same Censor over and over.
-Or to large groups of Censors at the same time.
No, The purple layer on a nightmare WILL NOT come off like a cloak.
-getting close enough to try is just stupid.
Even when levitating, I am not "a leaf on the wind".
Vernon does not know any dirty stories.
-I am not allowed to teach Vernon any dirty stories.
I cannot purchase a giant floating sign that has my name on it in gigantic letters.
-Fred will not allow me to borrow his, either.
-Even if my name is in fact also Fred.
I cannot do this to the posters in Basic Braining.
-I especially cannot bring any of said mutilated posters into the real world and post them on the bulletin boards.
A one man band is not an appropriate band instrument for the Levitators/Firestarters.
-Nor is a Kazoo.
-Or a tuba.
-Or any noises made with my own body.
-Or anyone else's.
Bobby does not want me to sew the sleeves back onto his shirt.
I am not allowed to do anything I saw Carrie White do once.
-I am not allowed to make any other references to that book ever.
No, we are not there yet.
A picture of my sibling is not an acceptable backup weapon.
-A picture of a fellow camper I hate is also not acceptable.
-A picture of a counsellor I hate is really, really, really unnaceptable.
I may not request that my brain is put into a Dalek shell instead of a brain tank.
I am not allowed to use cryokinesis to chill my drinks.
-Nor am I allowed to use pyrokinesis to heat them.
I am not allowed to knock on the door to Sasha's lab and cry out "Hold me, touch me!"
-Especially if he plays along.
I am no longer allowed to implement any idea that gives me "that look on my face."
Oleander is not a walrus. Koo koo kachoo.
If it warrants yelling "Totally worth it!" upon completion, I can no longer try it.
I will not make lewd jokes about meat while Oleander is within earshot.
I really shouldn't ask Loboto to pick his nose with his right hand.
Even if I pay them, Fred and Crispin will not have hot man sex.
I am forbidden from putting my Censors in Dalek suits and making them say No in Dalek voices.
I may not refer to Oleander as "Coach Crankypants".
Sasha's lab is not to be referred to as "The Batcave".
The people at the asylum did not dub me "Shark Bait".
-On a related note, I am not to call the asylum tower "Mount Wannahockaloogie".
If I say anything more about Sasha's unpublished broadway musical, the other counsellors will see to it my parents will never find my remains.
No matter how happy it makes her, I am not allowed to greet Chloe with "Nanu nanu".
There are a number of ways to answer ‘What does this button do?’ Pushing said button is not in the top ten desired ones.
I may speak my mind. I may not use my psi powers to speak the minds of anyone else in camp, however.
I may not use TK to write threatening messages on Boyd's wall with his chalk.
-Especially if I refer to him as "Agatha".
I am not now, nor will I ever be, "Bringin' sexyback".
-Nor will Ford.
Linda does not know where Nemo is.
-Nobody knows where Nemo is.
Singing the song "Special Fred" in the asylum courtyard may send Crispin into paroxyms of laughter, but it's not very nice to sing it while Fred is there.
-Fred does not need to swing a brick at my head to "make me special too", as I act "special" enough already.
I may not post my fanfics up on the bulletin board to see what others think.
-Even if they aren't even fanfics for this fandom, whatever that means.
I am not allowed to question why we teach pyrokinesis, but not cryokinesis.
-It is painstakingly obvious why we don't teach Head Exploding.
I will not use Fred's legs, Bobby's hair, Crispin's forehead or the distance Boyd can throw a milk bottle as forms of measurement.
I am forbidden from trying to remove the clothes of Censors.
-And G-Men.
-And Jasper.
-And anyone, really.
I am not allowed to deliberately mix up Ford's personalities.
I am not allowed to lure bears or cougars into attacking my enemies.
I am not allowed to phone up various well-known english professors to find out whether "Ka-caw" is two or one word.
-Even if it turns out I'm correct.
I am not allowed to steal the sheets from any of the other camper's beds.
-Also, I am no longer allowed to make a pillow fort. Especially if I intend to kidnap another camper and hold them to ransom in it.
Counsellor-Specific ones
New cadets do not need to know what the color blue tastes like.
Milla is not bald, and telling new campers to "try to pull off her wig" is really mean.
I am not allowed to convince campers that this is where the series Lost took place.
-I am certainly not allowed to knock down multiple trees with telekinesis to pretend to be the monster from said series, either.
As far as Sasha's computer is concerned, the internet is not for porn.
I am forbidden from rummaging through the bunks of the campers for money, comics, etc.
I may not insinuate any of the campers were dropped when they were little.
-I may not insinuate any of my fellow counsellors were dropped when they were little.
I shoudn't save over Sasha's Pokemon game.
-Nor should I trade over all his good pokemon onto my cart.
I am fobidden from singing anything from the musical Avenue Q.
-I am forbidden from teaching the campers anything from that musical.
-Also, I am forbidden from teaching the counsellors songs from any musical.
None of the camper's parents are willing to sell me their child.
-Even if Bobby's mother actually is interested, I'm not allowed to buy him off her anyway.
I am not to challenge my fellow counsellors about their views on politics, religion, morality, money, etc. while in full view of the campers.
I am forbidden from selling the cadets fake IDs to buy contraband substances with.
-Even if nicotine withdrawl is making Kitty, Elka and Dogen resort to blackmailing Sasha.
I shouldn't encourage the other cadets to boo Crystal and Clem.
I must stop telling the class "You might be a redneck if... Oh, sorry Bobby, didn't see you there..."
The chain of command is not a toy.
The campers are not my "Baker Street Irregulars."
I am not allowed to drink directly from the nozzle of the coffee machine.
-I am not allowed to let Sasha drink directly from the nozzle of the coffee machine.
The Psychonauts are in no way affiliated with the Torchwood Institute.
Attempting to cross Censors and Personal Demons is REALLY not allowed.
-Or G-Men and the dancers in Milla's party.
-Or the heroic snails and the lungfish zealots.
-Generally speaking, crossbreeding mental beings is wrong.
Oleander does not give people free candy when hugged, and it is very, very wrong to tell my class otherwise.
Just because he won't attack a counsellor openly doesn't mean that using Bobby's 'fro as a footrest is a good idea.
-I am not allowed to retalliate when he eggs my car in revenge as it will escalate into a prank war.
-Generally speaking, prank wars with the students are forbidden.
Toxic Waste candy is not a more concentrated type of dream fluff, and it is very wrong to tell gullible campers this.
River Tam did never attend the camp.
-Nor is this camp in any way affiliated with the Alliance.
I will no longer precede my every entrance into the campfire area with heavy-metal theme music, spotlights and pyrotechnic displays.
I may not hold my lessons in a voodooified shack out in the swamp.
-Especially if I expect students to ride out to the shack in a coffin.
-Or to pay me with an undead monkey.
-Even if I count Bobby as an undead monkey.
No matter how tired or hung over I am, I cannot postpone a lesson for "naptime".
Plan B is not automatically twice as much firepower as Plan A.
That there is a monster in the lake is a myth I am in no way allowed to bust.
-In fact, I am not allowed to do any Mythbusting. At all.
I am not allowed to glue all the bunks in the kid's cabins to the ceiling while the kids are at the welcoming campfire.
It is not within my jurisdiction, or any of the other counsellor's jurisdictions, to execute Order 66.
-Nobody knows what the other 65 orders were.
I will not suggest to Sasha that he blow up Oleander's jeep for his next experiment.
-Even if there is in fact an scientifically benefical reason why he should do this.
--"Unpimping the auto" does not count as a scientifically benefical reason, no matter how tacky Sasha thinks Oleander's jeep is.