school today
Why do i put up with this? I get yelled at when everything isnt my fault. I got yelled at today by coach. She's such a bitch. I asked her if i could sit out toay because i couldnt stand up. I had already thrown up twice today and swimming would have made it 3. She told me that i'm a wimp. Literally. She asked me how i can swim with a torn miniscus in my knee and yet not swim with something as small as cramps. I flat out told her that i cant swim with my knee so i meanly pull and dont kick, thats why i suck. And that if she doesnt believe my story on my knees to go get the doctor's note i gave her two weeks ago. And i said that i cant exactly control when i get cramps. Its not my fault. And the earliest new patient appointment i can get is augues. I'm all out of my tylenol #3 and the doctor wont give me anymore. By now i'm close to crying just because of all the pressure I've been under with everything and she just ells me that i have my mind set on not swimming and she'll give me a no dress. Honestly is this my fault? Its not my fault my knees ares shit or that i get cramps so bad that i puke. But this could keep me from getting Varsity swim team next year. One day a month and stopping for no more than a 50 every practice can keep me from getting Varsity. Reason: "Bad Attitude" I guess nobody sees me work my butt off during practice. Nobody can hear me tell myself "come on, just one more 50 you're doing great, just keep it going." But nobody cares how hard you try, its how well you profrom. Hell i could not show up and nobody would care as long as i win. I want to know why i'm always screwed in everything i love. Swimming i just explaned about...and right now i'll be lucky if i make JV. I'll probably not get section leader for bad. Next year it will be brianna dn mace. The two top horns in the top band. And me being such a loser will be stuck in third band again, it doesnt matter how hard i practice i'll never beat the es people, i have no talent. I wish i could just quit. This summer andmy junior year are going to suck. I wish i could go back to AZ, at least then i could look up the the stars at night and see them, maybe even then i could be having fun. i guess i dont deserve fun, i must have really messed up somewhere to deserve this life.