(sigh)

[godwillnspire]

"Well, it was a nice dream."

I just got back to Iraq from my 15 days of required leave.  I got to attend the wedding of my dear friends, D-Rock (former roommate) and D-Boy (who is actually a woman).  I hung out with J-Town and Randalf pretty extensively (both former roommates/ future hopefuls).  And, of course, I spent most of my time at the house

Comments

[godwillnspire]

Finishing out the contract could be an act of misplaced faith, if it's not really the right thing to do, afterall. Perhaps I really should've just quit outright. My faith in my chosen process is not one without doubts but in spite of doubts.

I suppose it would be valid to say that I am both repenting and have repented. But that also means that, in a sense, I have not yet repented (as there is still something to repent for, hence repent-ing). Because I have repented I am not concerned with my eternal fate. It can only be entrusted to the grace of God. But now, in time, I am woefully unstable. I await deliverance. I am poor in spirit, mourning, and bone-dry of righteousness. My hope is that of a broken, dried-out, and sorrowful man. I know God loves me, but knowing that also makes me realize how much He hates me, at this time. But as I said before, I do not ignore that. I will take whatever I can from God, whether love or hate, in faith. His hatred makes me suffer- it slays me. But I would rather die by God's hand than be alive by that of the World.

A felon may well repent, but, in a way, isn't he restless until he is entirely atoned for? Jesus openly forgave sins, in his ministry, before he had atoned for them on the cross. And won't the felon be especially restless if he was already Christian beforehand, and is not coming to the faith from ignorant unbelief but from a knowing faith?

Further, the felon is not necessarily like me. The felon goes to jail and is no longer a criminal-in-the-act. He can leave behind the entertainment of the crime quite readily. I on the other hand have a foot in the door of military duty (the crime) throughout this process, which makes things much more complicated.

[scionofgrace]

I'm sorry you're in the middle of such uncertainty. About the only thing I can say is that if I were you, I'd rely on the counsel of people who've been in the same situation. Conscience isn't foolproof, especially when it's just been changed (as yours has, I'm guessing). This is why God brings other, more mature Christians into our lives.

But I'm gonna say it again: God does not hate you. He hates the sin that we do, but he disciplines out of love. I don't know what kind of father you've had, but mine has done a great job of demonstrating to me how this works: I could be a drug-addicted prostitute in Vegas and he would still love me. He'd abhor what I was doing, and he'd be furious with me, but he would not hate me at all. And I can find no Scriptural proof otherwise.

As for the felon, I get the bit about (not) being removed from crime, but why would I be anxious just 'cause I haven't served my whole sentence yet? I can't speed up time. The point is that I would be serving my sentence, in anticipation of completing it. Prison chaplains usually say that Christians in prison are at peace about it, no matter how long they've got left. We can't be punished for things we have no control over, and the passage of time is one of them.

I pray that your brokenness in spirit will help you find wholeness in God. A good mechanic will tear apart a car so that he can put it back together better than new. God does the same thing. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3

[godwillnspire]

"You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you?" - Matthew 17:17, Luke 9:41

"O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you?" - Mark 9:19

"Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." - Matthew 16:23

...he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." - Mark 8:33

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth." - Revelation 3:15-16

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you who practice lawlessness.'" - Matthew 7:21-23

all NASB

[scionofgrace]

I don't see the word "hate" anywhere.

(These are primarily ESV, with some NASB)
"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness."
--Lamentations 3:22-23

"In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you," says the LORD, your Redeemer."
--Isaiah 54:8

"Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea."
--Micah 7:18-19

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love."
--John 15:9

"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
--Romans 5:8

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?"
--Romans 8:35

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
--Romans 8:38-39

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved."
--Ephesians 2:4

"For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and chastises every son whom he receives."
--Hebrews 12:6

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins."
--1 John 4:10

"Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world."
--1 John 4:15-17

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me."
--Revelation 3:20

"Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,"
--Romans 5:20

Also, this thing I wrote.

I don't believe there is anything anyone can do to make God hate him. Suffering his wrath is not the same thing.

[godwillnspire]

Perhaps the prisoner is different than me. But again, I am stuck in the crime, constantly in the act of evil which requires repenting.

I've never met another Christian who has accepted, once already in the military, that militarism is anti-Christian. Most Christians give me counsel that contradicts Christ, on this issue (the sort of counsel I suppose I would've given during the majority of my faith experience, before I finally accepted what I do now). I suppose I should try to find some online.