underneath all that hair is a karen somewhere
well i have no hair. i shaved my head to get over the vanity my hair (or my evil self obseseed seld hating ways) created in me. my obsession with changing my hair to better my appearance, self comfort, and even myself. it was unhealthy. devouring even...
at first i left bangs... but i got rid of those... it felt like i was stripping myself of the final bit of my vanity.
and while most people seem to "like" my hair just fine... i feel ugly without it. and it is hard for me... but it being hard, well that just makes it all the better.
i am still content. calm. serene. but progression has found me. again. thank. god. progression is my dearest asset now. im not very pretty. not smart enough. not clever enough etc..... but i am always progressing. always. this is what i want. and what i dont want. not in a bad way. actually i can't decide if it means nothing, or everything. it's hard to tell the difference...
also i spoke out loud that i "dont' avoid pain as an evil." in fact, it doesn't hurt so much, it's not the pain. but the action and intent behind the pain that hurts, that offends...
my self... showing through again...
like i said it may be silly, but without my hair, my defense, my false vanity... my self is quite apt to escape... and this time for the first time. im not ashamed of me.... but not proud either.
like i said. i dont know if it's nothing or everything but it's hard to tell the difference.
and if it's hard, that's just all the better....