growing
i saw my darling friend, julie for a short time. not long enough to feel appeased, but long enough to know that i at least still have the energy to keep seeing people. i am worried about the death of julie and i. i don't know if we have the energy for each other. and i am deeply saddened at the idea of losing her friendship. so of course i don't call her as often any more. i am a moron. still, i was getting worried that i might become lax in my friendship duty department.
but seriously, and truthfully. the only people i really feel like seeing are my significant other (because he is significant, enjoyable, and enlightening) and the kids my brother gave me. i don't know why, but even doing nothing with them sometimes seems better than the ‘somethings’ i do with other people.
and they all have something about them that i can learn from. they save animals. they know chemistry. they know welding. and games. and books. and dancing. and they are all artists in one way or the other. the create things. they are loyal in unobvious ways and obvious ways. they like my music. no one ever likes my music. but they ALL do. it's crazy. i never thought that was a big connection. but it is. it's so nice to sit down with adam and talk about the development and changes of wumpscut and leather strip. it's nice. adam's promised to teach me about welding. i've always wanted to weld cast iron creations. i hope i can be some good at it. i would be very happy to have that under my belt. he works at the pub in the golf course near my house. incidentally i recall sneaking in there super late one night with someone of incredible importance and screwing things up with my self created fears... but it still was lovely.
horses really are beautiful... they are stunning actually. i've been getting serious about school. for the first time, ever. heh. i do one test a day and if i don't i don't let myself leave my house.
i'm practicing self-discipline. also i want to learn everything i'd always wanted to learn but never gave myself the chance to.
after i'm done with school im going to take some art classes. 'cause sometimes i can do some neat things, but mostly i suck. i want to change that. i want to be capable of something as calming and lovely and amazing as art. i want to do things, it's been so long since i've wanted anything...
wanted anything at all, honestly. i've been withering… but i am growing now.
but seriously, and truthfully. the only people i really feel like seeing are my significant other (because he is significant, enjoyable, and enlightening) and the kids my brother gave me. i don't know why, but even doing nothing with them sometimes seems better than the ‘somethings’ i do with other people.
and they all have something about them that i can learn from. they save animals. they know chemistry. they know welding. and games. and books. and dancing. and they are all artists in one way or the other. the create things. they are loyal in unobvious ways and obvious ways. they like my music. no one ever likes my music. but they ALL do. it's crazy. i never thought that was a big connection. but it is. it's so nice to sit down with adam and talk about the development and changes of wumpscut and leather strip. it's nice. adam's promised to teach me about welding. i've always wanted to weld cast iron creations. i hope i can be some good at it. i would be very happy to have that under my belt. he works at the pub in the golf course near my house. incidentally i recall sneaking in there super late one night with someone of incredible importance and screwing things up with my self created fears... but it still was lovely.
horses really are beautiful... they are stunning actually. i've been getting serious about school. for the first time, ever. heh. i do one test a day and if i don't i don't let myself leave my house.
i'm practicing self-discipline. also i want to learn everything i'd always wanted to learn but never gave myself the chance to.
after i'm done with school im going to take some art classes. 'cause sometimes i can do some neat things, but mostly i suck. i want to change that. i want to be capable of something as calming and lovely and amazing as art. i want to do things, it's been so long since i've wanted anything...
wanted anything at all, honestly. i've been withering… but i am growing now.