point.
i believe we have overdefined everything.
by doing this i believe we have destroyed the only really pretty thing about humanity as a whole.
Type your cut contents here.
to fade from self hatred is an almost ripping sensation. and i am fading from it fast, into something new (by new i proably mean new for me. not actually new.)
i can't fathom why i can't hold onto any emotion for more than a passing glance. never long enough to get used to it, never long enough to understand it, not even long enough to know if i should miss it. to fade from this in a process of abandoning a large portion of my inner workings. abandoning it before i let myself see it for what it was. most likely though, it was cheap, and it came from something awful. and then left to find something it could fit better with.
that is except for the 2 things that are always with me. longing. and peace/ contentment.
i see the awful in the people i know: and then i see past it sometimes only to find more vileness. more depravity. but i see this warmth hidden inside some of the oddest people. i see people who bring me some enlightenment. who remind me of the good in the possibilities of breathing. i see a friend. unfortunatly for them, i often find friends swallowed by their own hideous somethings (forgive me for being vague here, but it occurs to me exactly how many things this applies to and i am frightened)... and i never seem to be able to do anything positive for these souls.
still i am thankful for every minute of them.
i feel low. i feel like like i am writing some truth hoping that there is more than just this brutality to my hopes. i feel like my hopes are smaller somehow. not less to me. but smaller.
i will give anyone a $1 who has never and will never ask me to hurt them. i don't think i will owe many people any money. how can there possibly be so many of you??
i have always declined. i am sorry you hurt. but i do not want your hurt to come from me. not to keep my hands clean but (i hope you understand)to keep the space between us clean. so that no matter how awful you get. or how awful i get. we both have somewhere clean to chirp off to.
im relatively certain that i stopped making sense 2 sentences into this. i wish four hours could pass so i would be asleep right now instead of trying to force these muscles to convey something real about myself. this is almost the first time i've ever tried. and i know i've already wrecked that something by trying to show it to you. so i hope since i had to sacrifice it to be able to do this that you will have gotten something from me. but chances are im speaking to emptiness. i find that i ussually am.
i am sorry that i have never been the things you were looking for at just the right moment.
but i am more sorry that you haven't been those things for yourself either.
like i said though. i stopped making sense, and this has long since slinked into pointless.
by doing this i believe we have destroyed the only really pretty thing about humanity as a whole.
Type your cut contents here.
to fade from self hatred is an almost ripping sensation. and i am fading from it fast, into something new (by new i proably mean new for me. not actually new.)
i can't fathom why i can't hold onto any emotion for more than a passing glance. never long enough to get used to it, never long enough to understand it, not even long enough to know if i should miss it. to fade from this in a process of abandoning a large portion of my inner workings. abandoning it before i let myself see it for what it was. most likely though, it was cheap, and it came from something awful. and then left to find something it could fit better with.
that is except for the 2 things that are always with me. longing. and peace/ contentment.
i see the awful in the people i know: and then i see past it sometimes only to find more vileness. more depravity. but i see this warmth hidden inside some of the oddest people. i see people who bring me some enlightenment. who remind me of the good in the possibilities of breathing. i see a friend. unfortunatly for them, i often find friends swallowed by their own hideous somethings (forgive me for being vague here, but it occurs to me exactly how many things this applies to and i am frightened)... and i never seem to be able to do anything positive for these souls.
still i am thankful for every minute of them.
i feel low. i feel like like i am writing some truth hoping that there is more than just this brutality to my hopes. i feel like my hopes are smaller somehow. not less to me. but smaller.
i will give anyone a $1 who has never and will never ask me to hurt them. i don't think i will owe many people any money. how can there possibly be so many of you??
i have always declined. i am sorry you hurt. but i do not want your hurt to come from me. not to keep my hands clean but (i hope you understand)to keep the space between us clean. so that no matter how awful you get. or how awful i get. we both have somewhere clean to chirp off to.
im relatively certain that i stopped making sense 2 sentences into this. i wish four hours could pass so i would be asleep right now instead of trying to force these muscles to convey something real about myself. this is almost the first time i've ever tried. and i know i've already wrecked that something by trying to show it to you. so i hope since i had to sacrifice it to be able to do this that you will have gotten something from me. but chances are im speaking to emptiness. i find that i ussually am.
i am sorry that i have never been the things you were looking for at just the right moment.
but i am more sorry that you haven't been those things for yourself either.
like i said though. i stopped making sense, and this has long since slinked into pointless.