Is it Bedtime yet?
I made plans to get together with my sister in laws today at the park. I had to laugh at the fact that Heather suzanne, Laura, and I had all seven kids and ourselves bundled up tight in winter jackets and multiple layers for the 56 degree weather. However Heidi, who is visiting from Ohio, Wore a knee length skirt and short sleeved blouse. I had to laugh. The kids had a blast though. I love getting all the cousins together. There was Seven there today and man do they all love each other. I really hope they remain that close as they get older. So we got a good hour an Half in before the dreaded school bus full of kids arrived. Out of this bus came pouring at least 25 kids. There goes are day at the park. Before we knew it we couldn't see our own anymore and the youngest two were being pushed down. So I said ," Hey I always keep some Frisbees in the car lets good play on the soccer field." We got another forty mins there before we got pushed out again so they could repaint the lines on the field. By that time, Shayne had a pretty awful attitude probably because he ate almost no breakfast since he was so excited to go to the park. I should have brought a banana or something for the kid because trying to get my errands done was not fun at all. I had to stop at Publix ( a supermarket in mainly the south for my northern friends) and a local fruit stand to finish buying my veggies for the week. Ugh Was I happy to get home until I noticed they were pressure washing the hallways. I had massive puddles inside my apartment. I shoved a banana in my sons hand and started to mop up the mess. I was finally able to make lunch and They must have played hard because those kiddos ate! I feels good to finally be able to sit down of course that won't last long.
[More about my situation with Ryan feel free to skip if sick of hearing it]I talked to Ryan again about working on this problem somehow. And again he just kind of blew me off. I told him AGAIN that i thought one of us should maybe leave until he was ready to commit his whole heart to me. At this point I really don't know how this will turn out. I truly love him even with all this junk going on. I believe a lot of these feelings and emotions are just left over from abuse during childhood. I still feel like it's not at the point where I should give up since it's barely been a week since everything happened but I do need him to start talking or doing something else to make this work. And he has to keep being honest. He told me last night he would pick up divorce papers if I choose to leave. I told him at that point it would be your decision. He change his attitude this morning actually gave me a kiss goodbye and sent me a text full of loving words later in the day. I didn't answer back because I kind of feel like at this point it's all just fluff. I know he loves me I just don't want to share. He really doesn't want me to leave but I think he may view my threats as empty. I really believe that to see any change I am going to have to leave but it will have to wait til after Spring break. I have my step daughter and I've missed her a lot this past month.
Luckily, I have my bible study so I can go and spend some time there tonight. I love those woman. I probably won't bring up my husband, because to me, it would feel insensitive when two of the woman are simply praying their husbands will return home. I might talk to Sue about it tonight. I feel like she would be the only one there who might understand. I might go and talk to a pastor on my own also. Although that would really upset Ryan a lot. I try to obey my husband but I might choose to do something on my own this time.
[More about my situation with Ryan feel free to skip if sick of hearing it]I talked to Ryan again about working on this problem somehow. And again he just kind of blew me off. I told him AGAIN that i thought one of us should maybe leave until he was ready to commit his whole heart to me. At this point I really don't know how this will turn out. I truly love him even with all this junk going on. I believe a lot of these feelings and emotions are just left over from abuse during childhood. I still feel like it's not at the point where I should give up since it's barely been a week since everything happened but I do need him to start talking or doing something else to make this work. And he has to keep being honest. He told me last night he would pick up divorce papers if I choose to leave. I told him at that point it would be your decision. He change his attitude this morning actually gave me a kiss goodbye and sent me a text full of loving words later in the day. I didn't answer back because I kind of feel like at this point it's all just fluff. I know he loves me I just don't want to share. He really doesn't want me to leave but I think he may view my threats as empty. I really believe that to see any change I am going to have to leave but it will have to wait til after Spring break. I have my step daughter and I've missed her a lot this past month.
Luckily, I have my bible study so I can go and spend some time there tonight. I love those woman. I probably won't bring up my husband, because to me, it would feel insensitive when two of the woman are simply praying their husbands will return home. I might talk to Sue about it tonight. I feel like she would be the only one there who might understand. I might go and talk to a pastor on my own also. Although that would really upset Ryan a lot. I try to obey my husband but I might choose to do something on my own this time.