life, or a reasonable approximation
so everything's shaky again. damn it, c'est la vie, move on again.
so... josh is enlisting in the army, and now larry wants to go with him. and i've been quite uncharacteristically quiet in the days since he let me in on that bit of information. what's there really for me to say? he knows that the thought of him being away for so long, potentially in harm's way, with no way for me to be able to look out for him at all, tears me to pieces. it's going to rip me up every single day from now, while i'm helpless to stop or slow the impending separation, until the distant day when i know he's home with me for good. i could go at him with arguments, tears, ultimatums--God knows i'm all to resourceful when it comes to getting my way. i know beyond a doubt that i could get him to stay here if i tried. it's thrown us off as far as the wedding date, too, so as much as i hate to, we're going to have to change that again. he says he wants to do it before he and josh leave; i'd rather wait until either i have a big break from school or i'm out altogether--in that case, he'd be out too, unless he decided to stay in longer. what's the point anyway, if we couldn't be together?
but as much as i want to fight this, i'm not going to. i mean, he talked about the possibility while we were still in high school, and he sounds so excited about it. being extremely non-military-minded, i couldn't begin to understand why... but he is. and if it's what he really wants, then i'll be damned if i'm going to keep him from it. it's going to hurt like hell, but it won't kill me.
to take my mind off it, i've been trying to throw myself into planning again. i decided how i want to style my hair and the kind of adornment i want in it, i've finally found some potential bridesmaids' dresses that i really like rather than just being lukewarm about, and--yay!--i have my dress! yes. THE dress. it's gorgeous, will fit with a minimum of altering (take up the straps, hem it, and away we go), goes with the little semi-formal ceremony we both have in mind, and it was an absolute steal. $90. how's that for insane? we actually picked it up a while ago, but i wrote about it in my paper journal and failed to even mention it here. also getting into honeymoon options. i want something memorable and fun that won't break the bank. whitewater rafting, perhaps? it'd definitely be anything but boring... after all, we sure aren't tame, so why should our first married experience be?
so... josh is enlisting in the army, and now larry wants to go with him. and i've been quite uncharacteristically quiet in the days since he let me in on that bit of information. what's there really for me to say? he knows that the thought of him being away for so long, potentially in harm's way, with no way for me to be able to look out for him at all, tears me to pieces. it's going to rip me up every single day from now, while i'm helpless to stop or slow the impending separation, until the distant day when i know he's home with me for good. i could go at him with arguments, tears, ultimatums--God knows i'm all to resourceful when it comes to getting my way. i know beyond a doubt that i could get him to stay here if i tried. it's thrown us off as far as the wedding date, too, so as much as i hate to, we're going to have to change that again. he says he wants to do it before he and josh leave; i'd rather wait until either i have a big break from school or i'm out altogether--in that case, he'd be out too, unless he decided to stay in longer. what's the point anyway, if we couldn't be together?
but as much as i want to fight this, i'm not going to. i mean, he talked about the possibility while we were still in high school, and he sounds so excited about it. being extremely non-military-minded, i couldn't begin to understand why... but he is. and if it's what he really wants, then i'll be damned if i'm going to keep him from it. it's going to hurt like hell, but it won't kill me.
to take my mind off it, i've been trying to throw myself into planning again. i decided how i want to style my hair and the kind of adornment i want in it, i've finally found some potential bridesmaids' dresses that i really like rather than just being lukewarm about, and--yay!--i have my dress! yes. THE dress. it's gorgeous, will fit with a minimum of altering (take up the straps, hem it, and away we go), goes with the little semi-formal ceremony we both have in mind, and it was an absolute steal. $90. how's that for insane? we actually picked it up a while ago, but i wrote about it in my paper journal and failed to even mention it here. also getting into honeymoon options. i want something memorable and fun that won't break the bank. whitewater rafting, perhaps? it'd definitely be anything but boring... after all, we sure aren't tame, so why should our first married experience be?