(no subject)
I'm leaning to the left
It's getting hard to lean to the right... You know I'm tipsy.
The following is a paraphrased conversation I had with someone. A lot of meaningful things came out of it, so I edited the convo to allow my thoughts to be strung clearly...
In my mind I pass it off as petty bullshit, but in all actuality, love isn't that trifle.
There's going to come a time when you find someone that you cannot describe the feelings you feel towards them. You can't put your finger on what it is about that person that draws you to them. You just know you have to be close to them no matter what. And after many agonizing efforts, you give in to the idea that it is love...
Never let go
Actually, that applies to more than just the situation I just described, but in this case there's few other words that can describe it as well.
It's funny really, I go to a party and everyone's drinking, having a good time. The more I drink, the more I think about things that have been the worse parts of my life.
Why don't I focus on the better aspects of life and love? 'Cause I focus on the good enough, it's what gets me through the day. I repress the bad, I always have and I fear I always will. At the end of the day, I'm usually too tired to think. It's on those nights when I have a couple drinks to myself that I actually let the bad stuff in to be contemplated and evaluated.
You know, I've had four MEANINGFUL relationships in my life that I could have, at the drop of a hat, asked them to marry me and been completely engulfed in happiness for the rest of my life... none of these four are around today... Can barely get a word out of any of them, (for one reason or another).
::but.. what about them? would they have been completely engulfed in happiness too?::
I don't know... And at this point, I want to know, even though I suppose I already know the answer.
::it seems like you've matured faster than most and want meaning out of a relationship instead of flings.::
Flings are good, they allow a person to realize that there's more to life than just the physical aspect and that a deeper connection can be found between two people binding them together in ways they could have never imagined... I'm past the flings, I was a long time ago..
You know, I've honestly given up on the idea of having a meaningful relationship with anyone... And, it's kinda of relieving in its' own twisted sense..
::why would you give up, you have your whole life::
True, I do. But I hold no hope for finding someone. I find that if I hold no hope for something, I am objectionable once I find it... Though, in the past, I have been objectionable and it has served me none the better.
::Then why be objectional now if it hasn't helped in the past?::
It's all I know, but when someone comes into my life with much promise, I attempt to be cautious only to throw it to the wind..
You know, one of the things I'm fairly good at is back rubs. I know for a fact that people hold most of their stress in their shoulders, spine and backs (upper and lower) in general. I can't count the number of times I've managed to relax someone to the point where their shoulders or back doesn't bother them anymore, but I can't remember the last time I've taken care of my own back. I guess it kind of mirrors my 'love' life. I do my best (while it's sometimes not enough) to give my all to the other person involved, but when it comes to myself, I fall short. The really troubling thing is I've grown used to it. I don't really expect things to work out for the best, I expect them to crumble in my face when I least expect it.
::well, in the love life, you should receive as well as give. not just give all you have and get nothing in return. if you prepare yourself for failure, you will always be surprised when you succeed.. but thats not a good philosophy on life::
True, but when you have been 'conditioned' by experience, it's hard to expect anything better...
Man I should have stayed in therapy...
BTW, I hope everyone who reads this realizes it took balls on my part to post this. I'm not asking for comments or revelations about me pertaining to other peoples that might read this. It's something I needed to post in order to better myself. If you feel the need, comment, if you don't, don't. I'm impartial either way, though any thoughts are appreciated.
It's getting hard to lean to the right... You know I'm tipsy.
The following is a paraphrased conversation I had with someone. A lot of meaningful things came out of it, so I edited the convo to allow my thoughts to be strung clearly...
In my mind I pass it off as petty bullshit, but in all actuality, love isn't that trifle.
There's going to come a time when you find someone that you cannot describe the feelings you feel towards them. You can't put your finger on what it is about that person that draws you to them. You just know you have to be close to them no matter what. And after many agonizing efforts, you give in to the idea that it is love...
Never let go
Actually, that applies to more than just the situation I just described, but in this case there's few other words that can describe it as well.
It's funny really, I go to a party and everyone's drinking, having a good time. The more I drink, the more I think about things that have been the worse parts of my life.
Why don't I focus on the better aspects of life and love? 'Cause I focus on the good enough, it's what gets me through the day. I repress the bad, I always have and I fear I always will. At the end of the day, I'm usually too tired to think. It's on those nights when I have a couple drinks to myself that I actually let the bad stuff in to be contemplated and evaluated.
You know, I've had four MEANINGFUL relationships in my life that I could have, at the drop of a hat, asked them to marry me and been completely engulfed in happiness for the rest of my life... none of these four are around today... Can barely get a word out of any of them, (for one reason or another).
::but.. what about them? would they have been completely engulfed in happiness too?::
I don't know... And at this point, I want to know, even though I suppose I already know the answer.
::it seems like you've matured faster than most and want meaning out of a relationship instead of flings.::
Flings are good, they allow a person to realize that there's more to life than just the physical aspect and that a deeper connection can be found between two people binding them together in ways they could have never imagined... I'm past the flings, I was a long time ago..
You know, I've honestly given up on the idea of having a meaningful relationship with anyone... And, it's kinda of relieving in its' own twisted sense..
::why would you give up, you have your whole life::
True, I do. But I hold no hope for finding someone. I find that if I hold no hope for something, I am objectionable once I find it... Though, in the past, I have been objectionable and it has served me none the better.
::Then why be objectional now if it hasn't helped in the past?::
It's all I know, but when someone comes into my life with much promise, I attempt to be cautious only to throw it to the wind..
You know, one of the things I'm fairly good at is back rubs. I know for a fact that people hold most of their stress in their shoulders, spine and backs (upper and lower) in general. I can't count the number of times I've managed to relax someone to the point where their shoulders or back doesn't bother them anymore, but I can't remember the last time I've taken care of my own back. I guess it kind of mirrors my 'love' life. I do my best (while it's sometimes not enough) to give my all to the other person involved, but when it comes to myself, I fall short. The really troubling thing is I've grown used to it. I don't really expect things to work out for the best, I expect them to crumble in my face when I least expect it.
::well, in the love life, you should receive as well as give. not just give all you have and get nothing in return. if you prepare yourself for failure, you will always be surprised when you succeed.. but thats not a good philosophy on life::
True, but when you have been 'conditioned' by experience, it's hard to expect anything better...
Man I should have stayed in therapy...
BTW, I hope everyone who reads this realizes it took balls on my part to post this. I'm not asking for comments or revelations about me pertaining to other peoples that might read this. It's something I needed to post in order to better myself. If you feel the need, comment, if you don't, don't. I'm impartial either way, though any thoughts are appreciated.