ick
Icky...feel all fuckin icky. First period in school. This day shall be yet another pointless one. How surprising. Things are fucked up. Took a screen with Charlene after that concert a couple of weeks ago. They picked up trace amounts of coke. Not surprising. I dunno anymore. I don't want to go on and on explaining everything. After that April 8th court date I gave up. I didn't give a fuck anymore. I relapsed, though I was disgusted with everything. I sat there, not even high, I felt sick...I hateed myself and my life, I hated the drug and everything about me. I still wanted to get high. I spent the night like that, and went through withdrawal Saturday...that blew...of course it did. I put it behind me though. I put it in pandora's box and closed the lid. It should have been out of my system by the time I took the screen, but I guess not. To be honest I don't really care...I mean shit sucks right now, but I'd be living another lie. I'm tired of lying. I hate that life. You always need to watch your back and do crazy shit to cover up everything, and eventually you blow it. Because of my curfew I'm not supposed to leave the state without telling the court. So the judge was pissed when they tried to call me into court and found out I was in Boston with Stacy. How wonderful. I love this shit. Though it's a good example of responsibility. It's my responsibility to know all of the curfew stuff and the limitations...although the court never made this shit easy. I remember the first time I was put on the curfew..."oh this is easy...don't worry...all you need to do is call in before the time..." oh if it were only that easy...
write more later...periods up
k...space cadet here...I'm back...so get this...So I just left the library and went to english...period 1...only when I went into the class room it wasn't my class. I was like huh? Took me awhile to make the connection...it was period 6...not 1...I spent period 5 in the library doing my thing...and I THOUGHT it was 6...so I actually skipped history...oops. Mr. DiRissio'll be annoyed. Oh well. Anywho...back to my past few weeks.
I want to think about this and have it appear on the screen...I'm sick of typing it all out...fuck that...I don't even want to think about it anymore. I've told so many different people I'm sick of the thoughts.
Saw the judge...last Thursday...the 14th I think. Angry...she was fuckin pissed...get him out of my sight...sent me to the training school. It didn't really seem real. The training school. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't scared of getting my ass kicked...though I was worried about fighting. I hate fights. I like to fight...dunno why...I hate violence...dunno. I didn't want to have to fight. I thought more people would have started shit with me, but most people just left me be. It wasn't really all that bad...just horribly BORING...so much time to do nothing. It's difficult to sit somewhere...doing nothing, and feeling like you're wasting your time. I knew I was wasting my time...the training school is no place for me...but I got myself there. No one sees it as a mistake...dunno how to explain that. I feel like everyone is mad and angry and pissed and sick of me and looking down at me and all that shit. Stacy is the only one I feel care from. Her hugs warm me...I feel like...yes...I mad a mistake...but its a mistake...mistakes can be made...there's no need to make the same mistake twice though.
Being in a room would have made everything. Lucky, lucky me...I was put on the floor. The rooms are absolutely tiny...I mean you expect them to be small but they were smaller than I have ever seen. Each room was about 8 feet long and 6 feet wide, with a bed - single, and a desk. Ick. Claustrophobia closes in within minutes. Having a spot on the floor was nice though...I mean as nice as it can get. No walls closing in on you. Not as dark and dreary. Other guys on the floor. People walking around. Staff fuckin around. It's all entertainment. THe staff could be soooo funny...well only sometimes...more often they were fuckin with someone else and it was great to watch. This kid Montanez...his room was right across from me...he was such a pain in the ass for the staff. Didn't take shit from anyone, so he got into a lot of problems with people. He would TRY to piss off the staff and they'd fuck him up. He once didn't get out of bed, so a couple guys rushed his shit, ripped out the mattress from underneath him, shoved him into the corner, threw the matress out of the room and left. They locked in the room all day, all three meals delivered to him, matress sitting outside the door. He would get locked up all the time...lock ups are for 5 days...come out only for bathroom, water, and showers. He was actually pretty stoopid...he could have had his charges dropped or just put on probation if he just shut his mouth. I don't really know all of the details...he hit is girl or something like that, she went to his sister's house, he went there, they all got into some arguments (he was drunk I think), his sister started to call the cops, he went off, hit her, cops came later that day, he smacked the officer's hand when they approached him, ran his mouth, then in detention, lock up after lock up has extended his court dates and all of that...what an idiot.
No one really bothered me. I was pretty quiet. Didn't bother the staff so they didn't really give me any shit...every now and then they'll make fun of you for something or say something horribly sarcastic, but that's normal. I definately wasn't the biggest or the strongest...but I'm not really puny either...most of the kids were smaller than me, most kids were 16 or younger. It was fun exchanging stories and finding out why people were there. Ant, 17 year old with nice corn rows...really nice...picked up with an ak. Some guys were out on his front lawn letting the shit spew out...he actually did the right thing and called the cops. They NEVER came...so he got his cousins ak-47 and went out there. Somehow the cops were tipped off and they rushed his house later that night. He was in the back yard when they drove by, he ran into the house, stashed it and then they came. I don't blame him for what he did. You often have to take matters into your own hands when you're in the hood. The ak was totally clean though, fully registered to his cousin...totally legal...ha! They charged him with operating without a license and running from them or something...he might get smacked though because only a month ago he was bagged with a nine. That's 2 felonies...2 more and he's off to the aci for awhile. Aci...this spanish kid was in there...dunno what he did...but he's fucked. If he's conficted he's looking at 25 years in the aci...that's some heavy shit. You've really got to go way fuckin out there to get 25...There were a couple in for armed robbery...assault with a deadly weapon...a few caught with stones, between 2 and 5, one guy had 20 something...this one numb nuts, a true emmy award winner as George Carlin would say, brought a can of gasoline, a bb gun, and a bong to school. Says he was planning to light some shit on fire and go out shooting a few people after school, and of course smoke up. Lots of guys violated their probation, stoopid shit like me. M'Bahia, cool guy, very polite and honorable, dangerous as fuck though...one of those quiet guys...watch out for the quiet ones. Driving without a license, and he was on probation. He and his boys had their gun stash - 5/6 different shottys, forty-five, nine, .357, nice, nice - hidden in this overgrown shrubby area...city never cut the grass...until one day...cops were called, they finger printed that shit and locked up nearly 1/2 of the projects. I don't know what this one guy was in for...it was something rather heavy...but he had to go to court on Tuesday, if the prosecutor's witness showed up he'd be locked up...he was rather confident the girl wasn't going to show...she didn't and he was left. I dunno what they did, but a couple guys were waived...waived to the ACI that is (a. c. i. - a-DULT CO-REC-tions INS-ti-TU-tion)...yea fucked up shit. Court this past Wednesday judge put me on home confinement. Fuckin blows. Better than the training school for sure...but it's icky. I've got to rebuild now...starting from scratch...so I can go to school, work, threatment/therapy shit, and out with my parents...other than that I've got to call in every 2 hours from the house. I can't have friends over, use the phone, or contact my friends. FUCKED up yes...very much so. The only thing I can't really deal with is the restrictions on seeing and talking to my friends. I'm going to go crazy in the next week or so. Most definately. Mom and Dad are in that "make sure Jason is doing everything he is supposed to" attitude...it's getting on my nerves. I dunno how many times I've tried to say...I need to fuck up and get back up...get up...not fuckin PICKED up. Trying to find an apartment. Need one soon. It's gonna be tough though. I need to get everything done and in place without them patting me on the back. Need to go visit Wentworth as well...in Boston...I'll tell you more about that later. Bell rang again...more later
write more later...periods up
k...space cadet here...I'm back...so get this...So I just left the library and went to english...period 1...only when I went into the class room it wasn't my class. I was like huh? Took me awhile to make the connection...it was period 6...not 1...I spent period 5 in the library doing my thing...and I THOUGHT it was 6...so I actually skipped history...oops. Mr. DiRissio'll be annoyed. Oh well. Anywho...back to my past few weeks.
I want to think about this and have it appear on the screen...I'm sick of typing it all out...fuck that...I don't even want to think about it anymore. I've told so many different people I'm sick of the thoughts.
Saw the judge...last Thursday...the 14th I think. Angry...she was fuckin pissed...get him out of my sight...sent me to the training school. It didn't really seem real. The training school. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't scared of getting my ass kicked...though I was worried about fighting. I hate fights. I like to fight...dunno why...I hate violence...dunno. I didn't want to have to fight. I thought more people would have started shit with me, but most people just left me be. It wasn't really all that bad...just horribly BORING...so much time to do nothing. It's difficult to sit somewhere...doing nothing, and feeling like you're wasting your time. I knew I was wasting my time...the training school is no place for me...but I got myself there. No one sees it as a mistake...dunno how to explain that. I feel like everyone is mad and angry and pissed and sick of me and looking down at me and all that shit. Stacy is the only one I feel care from. Her hugs warm me...I feel like...yes...I mad a mistake...but its a mistake...mistakes can be made...there's no need to make the same mistake twice though.
Being in a room would have made everything. Lucky, lucky me...I was put on the floor. The rooms are absolutely tiny...I mean you expect them to be small but they were smaller than I have ever seen. Each room was about 8 feet long and 6 feet wide, with a bed - single, and a desk. Ick. Claustrophobia closes in within minutes. Having a spot on the floor was nice though...I mean as nice as it can get. No walls closing in on you. Not as dark and dreary. Other guys on the floor. People walking around. Staff fuckin around. It's all entertainment. THe staff could be soooo funny...well only sometimes...more often they were fuckin with someone else and it was great to watch. This kid Montanez...his room was right across from me...he was such a pain in the ass for the staff. Didn't take shit from anyone, so he got into a lot of problems with people. He would TRY to piss off the staff and they'd fuck him up. He once didn't get out of bed, so a couple guys rushed his shit, ripped out the mattress from underneath him, shoved him into the corner, threw the matress out of the room and left. They locked in the room all day, all three meals delivered to him, matress sitting outside the door. He would get locked up all the time...lock ups are for 5 days...come out only for bathroom, water, and showers. He was actually pretty stoopid...he could have had his charges dropped or just put on probation if he just shut his mouth. I don't really know all of the details...he hit is girl or something like that, she went to his sister's house, he went there, they all got into some arguments (he was drunk I think), his sister started to call the cops, he went off, hit her, cops came later that day, he smacked the officer's hand when they approached him, ran his mouth, then in detention, lock up after lock up has extended his court dates and all of that...what an idiot.
No one really bothered me. I was pretty quiet. Didn't bother the staff so they didn't really give me any shit...every now and then they'll make fun of you for something or say something horribly sarcastic, but that's normal. I definately wasn't the biggest or the strongest...but I'm not really puny either...most of the kids were smaller than me, most kids were 16 or younger. It was fun exchanging stories and finding out why people were there. Ant, 17 year old with nice corn rows...really nice...picked up with an ak. Some guys were out on his front lawn letting the shit spew out...he actually did the right thing and called the cops. They NEVER came...so he got his cousins ak-47 and went out there. Somehow the cops were tipped off and they rushed his house later that night. He was in the back yard when they drove by, he ran into the house, stashed it and then they came. I don't blame him for what he did. You often have to take matters into your own hands when you're in the hood. The ak was totally clean though, fully registered to his cousin...totally legal...ha! They charged him with operating without a license and running from them or something...he might get smacked though because only a month ago he was bagged with a nine. That's 2 felonies...2 more and he's off to the aci for awhile. Aci...this spanish kid was in there...dunno what he did...but he's fucked. If he's conficted he's looking at 25 years in the aci...that's some heavy shit. You've really got to go way fuckin out there to get 25...There were a couple in for armed robbery...assault with a deadly weapon...a few caught with stones, between 2 and 5, one guy had 20 something...this one numb nuts, a true emmy award winner as George Carlin would say, brought a can of gasoline, a bb gun, and a bong to school. Says he was planning to light some shit on fire and go out shooting a few people after school, and of course smoke up. Lots of guys violated their probation, stoopid shit like me. M'Bahia, cool guy, very polite and honorable, dangerous as fuck though...one of those quiet guys...watch out for the quiet ones. Driving without a license, and he was on probation. He and his boys had their gun stash - 5/6 different shottys, forty-five, nine, .357, nice, nice - hidden in this overgrown shrubby area...city never cut the grass...until one day...cops were called, they finger printed that shit and locked up nearly 1/2 of the projects. I don't know what this one guy was in for...it was something rather heavy...but he had to go to court on Tuesday, if the prosecutor's witness showed up he'd be locked up...he was rather confident the girl wasn't going to show...she didn't and he was left. I dunno what they did, but a couple guys were waived...waived to the ACI that is (a. c. i. - a-DULT CO-REC-tions INS-ti-TU-tion)...yea fucked up shit. Court this past Wednesday judge put me on home confinement. Fuckin blows. Better than the training school for sure...but it's icky. I've got to rebuild now...starting from scratch...so I can go to school, work, threatment/therapy shit, and out with my parents...other than that I've got to call in every 2 hours from the house. I can't have friends over, use the phone, or contact my friends. FUCKED up yes...very much so. The only thing I can't really deal with is the restrictions on seeing and talking to my friends. I'm going to go crazy in the next week or so. Most definately. Mom and Dad are in that "make sure Jason is doing everything he is supposed to" attitude...it's getting on my nerves. I dunno how many times I've tried to say...I need to fuck up and get back up...get up...not fuckin PICKED up. Trying to find an apartment. Need one soon. It's gonna be tough though. I need to get everything done and in place without them patting me on the back. Need to go visit Wentworth as well...in Boston...I'll tell you more about that later. Bell rang again...more later