due date
Today is the day our baby boy was due to be born.
In the past couple weeks I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I've been thinking about what it would have been like to have carried him to full term. I've been thinking about what he would look like: Would he have curly hair like us? Would he have blonde hair like Dan did or dark like I did? Would he be a happy baby or would he cry a lot? I walk by the baby section at Walmart and picture him in those adorable little santa outfits and little baby slacks and button-up shirts and little baby dress shoes...I think about putting him in baby converse, or baby crocs. I know he would have incredible blueish eyes.
I've also been thinking about having another baby. Not about having a baby, because I already had one. When I get pregnant again and people ask if it's my first, I will be unable to say yes, because I already had one. I "gave birth" to a precious baby boy. (An odd concept, because how can you "give birth" to something that is already dead? What a conundrum, indeed.)
I desperately want another baby. I have the go-ahead from my doctor to start trying again. We're emotionally ready. But we're going to wait. It's no surprise to anyone that I am overweight. I've come to terms with that, and I accept (somewhat grudgingly) that my weight will always be a struggle for me. Everything I have read says that being overweight can pose serious risks to the pregnancy and the baby. The risk I am most concerned about is that of "pre-term labor." There is a high chance of miscarriage/stillbirth in pre-term labor; sometimes it turns out alright, but often not.
If there is something I can do to reduce the risks to our baby, I'm going to do it. I don't want to take any chances with this pregnancy. We are going to wait to try and get pregnant until I can lose some weight/body fat. I hope this doesn't take incredibly long, and I don't have a set-in-stone weight loss goal, but we are going to wait a couple months and see where things are and decide where to go from there. I am trying to eat healthy and I am working out most every day.
I don't want to wait, but I know that to try and get pregnant at this point would be irresponsible and selfish. We are trusting God with this decision, and trusting him to let us know when it is okay to start trying again.
In the past couple weeks I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I've been thinking about what it would have been like to have carried him to full term. I've been thinking about what he would look like: Would he have curly hair like us? Would he have blonde hair like Dan did or dark like I did? Would he be a happy baby or would he cry a lot? I walk by the baby section at Walmart and picture him in those adorable little santa outfits and little baby slacks and button-up shirts and little baby dress shoes...I think about putting him in baby converse, or baby crocs. I know he would have incredible blueish eyes.
I've also been thinking about having another baby. Not about having a baby, because I already had one. When I get pregnant again and people ask if it's my first, I will be unable to say yes, because I already had one. I "gave birth" to a precious baby boy. (An odd concept, because how can you "give birth" to something that is already dead? What a conundrum, indeed.)
I desperately want another baby. I have the go-ahead from my doctor to start trying again. We're emotionally ready. But we're going to wait. It's no surprise to anyone that I am overweight. I've come to terms with that, and I accept (somewhat grudgingly) that my weight will always be a struggle for me. Everything I have read says that being overweight can pose serious risks to the pregnancy and the baby. The risk I am most concerned about is that of "pre-term labor." There is a high chance of miscarriage/stillbirth in pre-term labor; sometimes it turns out alright, but often not.
If there is something I can do to reduce the risks to our baby, I'm going to do it. I don't want to take any chances with this pregnancy. We are going to wait to try and get pregnant until I can lose some weight/body fat. I hope this doesn't take incredibly long, and I don't have a set-in-stone weight loss goal, but we are going to wait a couple months and see where things are and decide where to go from there. I am trying to eat healthy and I am working out most every day.
I don't want to wait, but I know that to try and get pregnant at this point would be irresponsible and selfish. We are trusting God with this decision, and trusting him to let us know when it is okay to start trying again.