if my tears were rain, i could flood the world...
this is going to be a long scattered entry. i haven't written for real in a long time, im out of practice and a little rusty. if you don't want to read it then close your eyes, skip over it, or just don't read it. i don't write here for you.
i wish that someone would understand. i wish someone would actually listen and give advice instead of telling me what they think i want to hear.i am not a baby so don't baby me. i have all of two friends. i choose to have only two because people piss me off. & hurt me. you would think that only people who are close can hurt you, but thats not true at all. so many goddamn people hurt me. so i'm not going to hang out with anyone. screw you all. i miss so many things and i wish life was simplier but this is the hand i've been dealt so im playing the game. i never liked the game life. too grown up for me. maybe i am immature, maybe i do need to grow up.
i have $13.44 in the bank. in my checking account. and nothing in my savings. i've put in so many job applications it's not funny. hopefully soon i'll get one, because i need money.i've been looking at apartments with melissa. we've found a couple that we like...but it's not even a option until i get a job.
issue 1: I love a boy. I've loved him for almost a year now. Things have been rough and it's my fault. He doesn't trust me but soon it will be worked out. I hope that this will make our future stronger than ever. I want to be with him and only him. He's my best friend and probably knows me better than anyone else, though he would probably deny it. I miss him so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that every time my phone rings it's him calling or that every knock on the door is him. Yes, he was mean to me for awhile. But I deserve it. I called him all the time when I was drunk, being retarded. Fact of the matter is I suck. You all tell me not to talk to him and that he isn't good enough for me but what the hell do you know about him really?? i hate being without him. I feel so goddamn alone all the time. You tell me to find someone else and to forget about him when I try to confide in you. I DONT NEED THAT!!! So I'm just not going to talk about it. I'll just write it in a little notebook. The thing that pisses me off most is that you know nothing about him. Obviously if I love him then he is something. Do you think I want to hear the things you say? No.
i feel like screaming or crying. I don't fucking know what to do anymore. I'm so lost and I feel so alone. & Im afraid.
sgkjdsbfjkasbgkjba.
ihateyou.
die.
xo.
i wish that someone would understand. i wish someone would actually listen and give advice instead of telling me what they think i want to hear.i am not a baby so don't baby me. i have all of two friends. i choose to have only two because people piss me off. & hurt me. you would think that only people who are close can hurt you, but thats not true at all. so many goddamn people hurt me. so i'm not going to hang out with anyone. screw you all. i miss so many things and i wish life was simplier but this is the hand i've been dealt so im playing the game. i never liked the game life. too grown up for me. maybe i am immature, maybe i do need to grow up.
i have $13.44 in the bank. in my checking account. and nothing in my savings. i've put in so many job applications it's not funny. hopefully soon i'll get one, because i need money.i've been looking at apartments with melissa. we've found a couple that we like...but it's not even a option until i get a job.
issue 1: I love a boy. I've loved him for almost a year now. Things have been rough and it's my fault. He doesn't trust me but soon it will be worked out. I hope that this will make our future stronger than ever. I want to be with him and only him. He's my best friend and probably knows me better than anyone else, though he would probably deny it. I miss him so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that every time my phone rings it's him calling or that every knock on the door is him. Yes, he was mean to me for awhile. But I deserve it. I called him all the time when I was drunk, being retarded. Fact of the matter is I suck. You all tell me not to talk to him and that he isn't good enough for me but what the hell do you know about him really?? i hate being without him. I feel so goddamn alone all the time. You tell me to find someone else and to forget about him when I try to confide in you. I DONT NEED THAT!!! So I'm just not going to talk about it. I'll just write it in a little notebook. The thing that pisses me off most is that you know nothing about him. Obviously if I love him then he is something. Do you think I want to hear the things you say? No.
i feel like screaming or crying. I don't fucking know what to do anymore. I'm so lost and I feel so alone. & Im afraid.
sgkjdsbfjkasbgkjba.
ihateyou.
die.
xo.