TMI and some random history
So here's the fun that has been going on this the life of SAM. I have and still am out of work until such time as my Doctor deems me capable of performing my job function again. So hopefully May first. I have been on the happy drug known as lexapro for about a month and have since experienced a unique side effect. Since I was so very depressed prior to being on the drugs I was sheilding myself from interpersonal relationships and have since been "clinging" to anyone who gave me the type of affection I desired.
I have a feeling that the things going on between myself and Josh are going to go badly at least in my side of that venue... I want soo much more than he can, or rather, wants to give. I dare say that I think I am ready to try to "date" again after my last castastophe with relationships oh so many years ago.
For those who are new to this part of my life I have had in the past a total of 5 former relationships... 2 prepubescent, 3 post. Of all the interaction I had with my "girlfriends" the most intimate and serious lasted a little over 2 years with my most recent Ex-girlfriend, Nicole. This is not the only thing that lead me to a life without love or want of anything to due with sex; it hurt that she, the one person I had been intimate with, cheated on me. This is the part I dislike, I realised or thought this was entirely my own fault for not being the lover she wanted and I got mildly depressed... that faded and I realised that I was better for being alone.
In the past few months I have notied a severe change in myself and the way in which I interact with others around me... I tend to be more ostentatious and more of a stage show than the wall flower I have been my entire life. I am lusting after people, mostly boys, and for no good reason becoming less in touch with the peacec that I used to have so very much of.
First I began lusting for Jamie and frieghtened him then we became friends and the intensity of our friendship lingured and faded into the dark void of my empty mind. Sad but true... I still want to know him better and to see if it would work. Then random people that are of no consequence due to the fact that they only made me want them and I did not endevor to seek out a conversation with them. Following this closely but about a month or two after was my meeting of Josh and then we quickly became friends and got benifits soon there after. This yeilded a new world to me... My First MANONMAN kiss, and the weird part was I felt more from that kiss and the ones that followed than I ever have with any of the Girlfriends or the random kissing I've done with people. This didn't help to make me understand anything any better nor did it create more problems. It just turned out to be just what it was, REALLY GOOD.
I don't know what I have to say here really and I know this is a lot of info on me all at once but I never said you had to read my journal.
So I did something totally out of character for me this past weekend... I put on a LIVE strip show at a friends apartment. The show was for Erin(apt.), Nancy(band member), and Ashira! These people saw me in next to nothing. That is my news... you got any?
Well I have taken enough of your time and have nothing to say anyway so bye.
>^_^< Neko~kun
I have a feeling that the things going on between myself and Josh are going to go badly at least in my side of that venue... I want soo much more than he can, or rather, wants to give. I dare say that I think I am ready to try to "date" again after my last castastophe with relationships oh so many years ago.
For those who are new to this part of my life I have had in the past a total of 5 former relationships... 2 prepubescent, 3 post. Of all the interaction I had with my "girlfriends" the most intimate and serious lasted a little over 2 years with my most recent Ex-girlfriend, Nicole. This is not the only thing that lead me to a life without love or want of anything to due with sex; it hurt that she, the one person I had been intimate with, cheated on me. This is the part I dislike, I realised or thought this was entirely my own fault for not being the lover she wanted and I got mildly depressed... that faded and I realised that I was better for being alone.
In the past few months I have notied a severe change in myself and the way in which I interact with others around me... I tend to be more ostentatious and more of a stage show than the wall flower I have been my entire life. I am lusting after people, mostly boys, and for no good reason becoming less in touch with the peacec that I used to have so very much of.
First I began lusting for Jamie and frieghtened him then we became friends and the intensity of our friendship lingured and faded into the dark void of my empty mind. Sad but true... I still want to know him better and to see if it would work. Then random people that are of no consequence due to the fact that they only made me want them and I did not endevor to seek out a conversation with them. Following this closely but about a month or two after was my meeting of Josh and then we quickly became friends and got benifits soon there after. This yeilded a new world to me... My First MANONMAN kiss, and the weird part was I felt more from that kiss and the ones that followed than I ever have with any of the Girlfriends or the random kissing I've done with people. This didn't help to make me understand anything any better nor did it create more problems. It just turned out to be just what it was, REALLY GOOD.
I don't know what I have to say here really and I know this is a lot of info on me all at once but I never said you had to read my journal.
So I did something totally out of character for me this past weekend... I put on a LIVE strip show at a friends apartment. The show was for Erin(apt.), Nancy(band member), and Ashira! These people saw me in next to nothing. That is my news... you got any?
Well I have taken enough of your time and have nothing to say anyway so bye.
>^_^< Neko~kun