What are you running for...
I believe that one and one make two- i don't need a better half (mine works fine thank you) i need another person (a complete other person with two arms and everything. Reflections on the relativity of delirium. Crazy in love is nothing but being in a place with a relationship were no one else is. Simple as that. Every person is in a part of their lives where no one else will be again except in memories. Times are changing- that's nothing new.
Look a newly married interacial gay couple burning the American flag with a bible lighter! - That makes me laugh and in theory would get most people's attention.
2000 miles from here... Train, plain, or automobile is the theme of the day. How am i going to get out to the wonderful California Area? Cheapest seems like train- which is really cool in my book. Bless the gods, i might be able to reach for my dreams yet.
I don't know who really keeps up with my jounal, but you people that do, that's cool. Yeah you. I hope i'm readiny yours, too. I takes so much energy just to always be interested in everyone. If you are a people pleaser like I am than you know that already. I can't do it forever. Neither can you. People are their own worse enemies. I've been reading up on stuff. Yes it is that vague a thing. Just stuff. Religion, composing, people, my old journal entries (i don't remember some of the things that I wrote in there which is really odd). I'm applying at Joulianne Tomatoes tomorrow, which is really neat. I don't know where i am going to stay. The Crane's may not work out seeing that i have play practice and the such, but whatever- i always wanted to know if i could make it if i was homeless. Something people should know. Always know how low you can go so that you stay the hell away from it... who am i kidding, i can't even image how low i can go. "...terrible...but great." is a quote from the first Harry Potter. That's me. Kinda scary.
I'm going to miss Megs. Alot. Christina, too. They make me happier. I feel bad for Jimmy and Nina who have to stay after some of their main hanger-outer people leave. That's always hard. I've went through it every year for four years. At least i finally understood alot of aspects of friendships this year and understood myself better. Trut is usually the best thing you can offer a friend. You can't help people unless they actually want it. Some people enjoy the attention of... well any, at all. Many people are talented in ways that they will never realize. Jimmy has great ears, even beyond music. Christina has a mind like a steel trap- don't let her fool you. Megs has just as analytical mind as mine- so does Christina for that matter- and that is something really great. She actually reminds me of myself. All the time and energy i spent trying to be normal earlier in my life she capitalized on and turned to a perpose. This is why she can do anything... because she can think of a way to do it... if she really needs to anyways. Then there is Nina. There isn't much to say there. I just wish she would realize... alot, actually. She is so much stronger than anything. It's not the weakness that she tries to show that i think she is afraid of, subconsously its her power to move mountains that ultimately scares her... even if she doesn't understand it. I have never seen her as a weak person. I have never seen her as a sick person. I have seen her as a scared person. If their is anything i know its scared people. She is the definition of raw ability, and i don't think she knows how to deal with that. None of my friends really know how to deal best with their individual gifts-and i'm not going to pretend that i deal well with things myself. I don't deal as well as i could. Right now i'm scarred. I'm going to find out if i have what it takes to make the world know me, but really i wish the world could see my friends as i see them- Superheros who forgot to wear their tights. Travis who can whoop your ass and cook an award winning meal at the same time. Johny who can sleep through Armagadan and has a heart bigger than any world that could be destroyed. Adrienne who has the nack for making you feel at home and loved when you have a hard day... by telling you to fuck off. Becky- who is a mild-manored blond by day and by night (or all the time) thinks deeper than most of us ever due any day of the week- and she has the uncanny ability to look good in EVERY shade of pink. Megs who can out argue the devils of the world, but who fall under the breifest mention of her stagering beauty or her ability to be such a put together person to anyone... but my x-ray vision. Nina who is the shortest of the kindest, who can use the most self-disipline of us all for both good and evil, and has the power to make you feel like you do somthing in the world and always back up an opinion. Christina who can remember a little bit of somthing for every situation and who will always be willing to hang out (because "who needs reality or time. Bah!")and who can leap tall building with her third eye and pound the shit out of you with out you realizeing that you did it to yourself. And then there is Becca... but not every one can be a superhero...some just have to settle for a saint or minor deity (or even a major deity for that matter). All my friends are superheros. Some hold secret identities still so i can't mention them all. I am standing back (mentally) and i am realizing how lucky I have been up to this point. Time to make luck.
Look a newly married interacial gay couple burning the American flag with a bible lighter! - That makes me laugh and in theory would get most people's attention.
2000 miles from here... Train, plain, or automobile is the theme of the day. How am i going to get out to the wonderful California Area? Cheapest seems like train- which is really cool in my book. Bless the gods, i might be able to reach for my dreams yet.
I don't know who really keeps up with my jounal, but you people that do, that's cool. Yeah you. I hope i'm readiny yours, too. I takes so much energy just to always be interested in everyone. If you are a people pleaser like I am than you know that already. I can't do it forever. Neither can you. People are their own worse enemies. I've been reading up on stuff. Yes it is that vague a thing. Just stuff. Religion, composing, people, my old journal entries (i don't remember some of the things that I wrote in there which is really odd). I'm applying at Joulianne Tomatoes tomorrow, which is really neat. I don't know where i am going to stay. The Crane's may not work out seeing that i have play practice and the such, but whatever- i always wanted to know if i could make it if i was homeless. Something people should know. Always know how low you can go so that you stay the hell away from it... who am i kidding, i can't even image how low i can go. "...terrible...but great." is a quote from the first Harry Potter. That's me. Kinda scary.
I'm going to miss Megs. Alot. Christina, too. They make me happier. I feel bad for Jimmy and Nina who have to stay after some of their main hanger-outer people leave. That's always hard. I've went through it every year for four years. At least i finally understood alot of aspects of friendships this year and understood myself better. Trut is usually the best thing you can offer a friend. You can't help people unless they actually want it. Some people enjoy the attention of... well any, at all. Many people are talented in ways that they will never realize. Jimmy has great ears, even beyond music. Christina has a mind like a steel trap- don't let her fool you. Megs has just as analytical mind as mine- so does Christina for that matter- and that is something really great. She actually reminds me of myself. All the time and energy i spent trying to be normal earlier in my life she capitalized on and turned to a perpose. This is why she can do anything... because she can think of a way to do it... if she really needs to anyways. Then there is Nina. There isn't much to say there. I just wish she would realize... alot, actually. She is so much stronger than anything. It's not the weakness that she tries to show that i think she is afraid of, subconsously its her power to move mountains that ultimately scares her... even if she doesn't understand it. I have never seen her as a weak person. I have never seen her as a sick person. I have seen her as a scared person. If their is anything i know its scared people. She is the definition of raw ability, and i don't think she knows how to deal with that. None of my friends really know how to deal best with their individual gifts-and i'm not going to pretend that i deal well with things myself. I don't deal as well as i could. Right now i'm scarred. I'm going to find out if i have what it takes to make the world know me, but really i wish the world could see my friends as i see them- Superheros who forgot to wear their tights. Travis who can whoop your ass and cook an award winning meal at the same time. Johny who can sleep through Armagadan and has a heart bigger than any world that could be destroyed. Adrienne who has the nack for making you feel at home and loved when you have a hard day... by telling you to fuck off. Becky- who is a mild-manored blond by day and by night (or all the time) thinks deeper than most of us ever due any day of the week- and she has the uncanny ability to look good in EVERY shade of pink. Megs who can out argue the devils of the world, but who fall under the breifest mention of her stagering beauty or her ability to be such a put together person to anyone... but my x-ray vision. Nina who is the shortest of the kindest, who can use the most self-disipline of us all for both good and evil, and has the power to make you feel like you do somthing in the world and always back up an opinion. Christina who can remember a little bit of somthing for every situation and who will always be willing to hang out (because "who needs reality or time. Bah!")and who can leap tall building with her third eye and pound the shit out of you with out you realizeing that you did it to yourself. And then there is Becca... but not every one can be a superhero...some just have to settle for a saint or minor deity (or even a major deity for that matter). All my friends are superheros. Some hold secret identities still so i can't mention them all. I am standing back (mentally) and i am realizing how lucky I have been up to this point. Time to make luck.