shumting
It has been beautiful lately, thank the gods! On the other hand i have to get my wisdom teeth removed, two root canals, and a bunch of other dental work, but the drugs i'm on (oh, extra-strength Vicodan and antibiotics, how i know thee!)kinda makes me feel more grounded.
As an up-side to not being able to eat, i haven't been able to eat. Slim fast during lunch and before theatre, but mom made me eat on the way home... she told me she would force-feed me with babyfood if she had to... i don't know wether she would do it or not, so i gave in, dam me, and had taco bell. Luckily it didn't hit my nerve, but it did still hurt, even though i told her that it didn't. Why have her worry. I'm losing weight. The more i lose the easier it is to keep it off. All of this dam weight though just won't go away. I need to sleep now but i hope i wake up just a little smaller, just a little. If everyday i wake up just a little smaller things will be ok. I hate being so big, especially when everyone is so dam small. My school is like perfection. Almost everyone is attractive, everyone is talented (almost) and the combined IQ's are astronomical figures- its insane. And our bad kids aren't bad at all. All my friends are beautiful and then there is me. Full bearded, fucked up everything, little fatty. The hell am i doing there. Trying to graduate that's what. Passing my AP classes were a breeze, passing my standard classes is hard. There's nothing to keep me engaged. I think i will do another couple hundred crunches tonight and some weight work. No need to sleep i guess, but a nap would be nice.
I'm very worried about my Rebecca. She is not in a good way right now... I need to fix her. If somthing happened to her, i might just break. I hold her as part of myslef almost, next best thing. If somthing were to happen to her..
As an up-side to not being able to eat, i haven't been able to eat. Slim fast during lunch and before theatre, but mom made me eat on the way home... she told me she would force-feed me with babyfood if she had to... i don't know wether she would do it or not, so i gave in, dam me, and had taco bell. Luckily it didn't hit my nerve, but it did still hurt, even though i told her that it didn't. Why have her worry. I'm losing weight. The more i lose the easier it is to keep it off. All of this dam weight though just won't go away. I need to sleep now but i hope i wake up just a little smaller, just a little. If everyday i wake up just a little smaller things will be ok. I hate being so big, especially when everyone is so dam small. My school is like perfection. Almost everyone is attractive, everyone is talented (almost) and the combined IQ's are astronomical figures- its insane. And our bad kids aren't bad at all. All my friends are beautiful and then there is me. Full bearded, fucked up everything, little fatty. The hell am i doing there. Trying to graduate that's what. Passing my AP classes were a breeze, passing my standard classes is hard. There's nothing to keep me engaged. I think i will do another couple hundred crunches tonight and some weight work. No need to sleep i guess, but a nap would be nice.
I'm very worried about my Rebecca. She is not in a good way right now... I need to fix her. If somthing happened to her, i might just break. I hold her as part of myslef almost, next best thing. If somthing were to happen to her..