Phone Calls: You Know Pay Phones Cost More Than A Quarter Now, Right?
*yawn* Dresden.
Mornin’ sunshine.
Thomas? What the hell? Why are you calling me from that house of yours?
Relax. I’m outside a gas station in the middle of nowhere. The phone’s not bugged.
Fan-freaking-tastic. What the hell are you thinking, Thomas? Have you completely LOST YOUR MIND?! You’re feeding off vampires. They’re KILLING PEOPLE because you’re feeding from them. And you’re feeding a LOT. Hell’s bells, do you realize how many people are already dead because of those vampires you’re sleeping with? Just because no one believes-
They’re not killing people because I’m feeding on them, Harry. They’re killing people because they enjoy it. There’s a bit of a difference there. And can you hurry up with the ranting? I’ve only got a couple more quarters in my pocket and there was an actual reason I called besides wanting to listen to my mouthy baby brother froth.
*growl* You’re being idiotic, Thomas. You’re letting them feed from you, and it is going to get you in trouble. I had Bob do some digging and blood helps keep your Hunger at bay. The less you have the more control it-
Great! You’re already doing research. I have a job for you.
-has over your… Wait what? Is this why you called me?
Remember what I said about not missing mouthy brothers? Edward and I want to hire you for some research. Something is up with this house. I think there’s some serious mojo being done here, strong enough to stifle madness and make some of the vampires in the house sick-
Sick? You mean migraines?
No, I mean vampiric superflu. Drusilla’s not keeping down blood and her madness is… I can’t describe it aside from sick. It feels like a wounded animal, but I can’t tell much more without sitting her down and actually delving around inside her head. I know she’s crazy-
She’s a vampire. She’s not Justine. AND she’s a murdering loon. You want me to figure out why she isn’t setting fire to orphanages and make her all better so she can? You’ve got to be kidding me, Thomas.
Harry, you’re an idiot.
You’re not making me any more inclined to help by name-calling.
I’m asking you to figure out how this could happen. As far as I knew, Black Court vamps aren’t affected by stupid things like poison, and if this is a curse, I want to know who is doing it before they hit the rest of us. I don’t trust these people. Something big is going on here, Harry.
You’re an idiot for agreeing to go on this stupid show, you know.
Yeah yeah yeah. Look, will you at least take a look?
I told you I’m not coming to save your dumb ass.
Empty night, I know, Harry. I’m not asking you to get her back to her happy murdering ways. Just… help me figure this out so I don’t end up like Papa Raith.
Fine. But this isn’t pro bono work.
Send the bill to the house. Hell, you can bill us twice. Send one to me and one to Edward Cullen.
By the way, Elaine laughed her ass off when I told her to go looking in the Northwest for glittering vampires. Found them though. Scary as hell.
Tell me about it. I slept with two of them.
TWO? Hell’s bells, you did the sister too?
She was cute. And psychic.
You are sick. It’s like… incest
Harry, my sister is Lara.
Good point. Could be worse. I’ll send you a bill once I dig around some.
Thanks. Oh, and Harry, one more thing.
What is it now? You want a kidney too?
No, just… Can you send me something that guarantees dreamless sleep?
A potion? Probably. Who needs it?
Me. Don’t ask.
Thomas…
I don’t have time to explain. I’m running out of quarters. Yes or no?
Yeah. I’ll send it along.
I owe you one, Harry.
Just get your ass back in one piece. And call before 4 AM next time.
We’ll see.
Mornin’ sunshine.
Thomas? What the hell? Why are you calling me from that house of yours?
Relax. I’m outside a gas station in the middle of nowhere. The phone’s not bugged.
Fan-freaking-tastic. What the hell are you thinking, Thomas? Have you completely LOST YOUR MIND?! You’re feeding off vampires. They’re KILLING PEOPLE because you’re feeding from them. And you’re feeding a LOT. Hell’s bells, do you realize how many people are already dead because of those vampires you’re sleeping with? Just because no one believes-
They’re not killing people because I’m feeding on them, Harry. They’re killing people because they enjoy it. There’s a bit of a difference there. And can you hurry up with the ranting? I’ve only got a couple more quarters in my pocket and there was an actual reason I called besides wanting to listen to my mouthy baby brother froth.
*growl* You’re being idiotic, Thomas. You’re letting them feed from you, and it is going to get you in trouble. I had Bob do some digging and blood helps keep your Hunger at bay. The less you have the more control it-
Great! You’re already doing research. I have a job for you.
-has over your… Wait what? Is this why you called me?
Remember what I said about not missing mouthy brothers? Edward and I want to hire you for some research. Something is up with this house. I think there’s some serious mojo being done here, strong enough to stifle madness and make some of the vampires in the house sick-
Sick? You mean migraines?
No, I mean vampiric superflu. Drusilla’s not keeping down blood and her madness is… I can’t describe it aside from sick. It feels like a wounded animal, but I can’t tell much more without sitting her down and actually delving around inside her head. I know she’s crazy-
She’s a vampire. She’s not Justine. AND she’s a murdering loon. You want me to figure out why she isn’t setting fire to orphanages and make her all better so she can? You’ve got to be kidding me, Thomas.
Harry, you’re an idiot.
You’re not making me any more inclined to help by name-calling.
I’m asking you to figure out how this could happen. As far as I knew, Black Court vamps aren’t affected by stupid things like poison, and if this is a curse, I want to know who is doing it before they hit the rest of us. I don’t trust these people. Something big is going on here, Harry.
You’re an idiot for agreeing to go on this stupid show, you know.
Yeah yeah yeah. Look, will you at least take a look?
I told you I’m not coming to save your dumb ass.
Empty night, I know, Harry. I’m not asking you to get her back to her happy murdering ways. Just… help me figure this out so I don’t end up like Papa Raith.
Fine. But this isn’t pro bono work.
Send the bill to the house. Hell, you can bill us twice. Send one to me and one to Edward Cullen.
By the way, Elaine laughed her ass off when I told her to go looking in the Northwest for glittering vampires. Found them though. Scary as hell.
Tell me about it. I slept with two of them.
TWO? Hell’s bells, you did the sister too?
She was cute. And psychic.
You are sick. It’s like… incest
Harry, my sister is Lara.
Good point. Could be worse. I’ll send you a bill once I dig around some.
Thanks. Oh, and Harry, one more thing.
What is it now? You want a kidney too?
No, just… Can you send me something that guarantees dreamless sleep?
A potion? Probably. Who needs it?
Me. Don’t ask.
Thomas…
I don’t have time to explain. I’m running out of quarters. Yes or no?
Yeah. I’ll send it along.
I owe you one, Harry.
Just get your ass back in one piece. And call before 4 AM next time.
We’ll see.