Don't bust my bubble.....
It's been a few days here.Let me think about what's going on.Well the big thing is i am graduating from Salvation Army in 31 days.Right now I am trying to get prepared for leaving.They try and tell us not to,but that's a bunch of bullshit.How can you go from a six month intense rehabilitation program to nothing.You have to have a plan you have to have a place to go,if you don' the only place you will go is back where you came from.That is not an option for me...ever.I have just been thinking about how much i have changed these last five months.It realy just dawned on me.I used to be so uncomfortable with myself I would drown my thoughts with alcohol or drugs.I always had realy good morals and core beleifs,however i always ignored them to feel accepted.I would do things i did not want to do becouse i wanted people to accept me.Fuck that.I realy dont give a fuck if you like me or not.This is me deal with it.I will not do those things I used to do.I will not associate with those people that ask me to do those things.Realy for the most part I have this protective bubble around me becouse people know that i am doing good and misery loves company so i don't attract those people anymore,however every now and then someone will come around and try to bust my bubble.That is where i have learned to pray.When I want to do something I know is not good for me I listen to that little voice in my head and I pray.It works.I am realy finding I have nothing in common with the people I used to hang with.I thout if I stoped using drugs everything would be cool and i could hang around them again.I wanted to learn to just drink and not do drugs becouse they drank and it was just drugs that where my problem.Bottom line is if i never started drinking I probably would have never done drugs.I cannot rely on outside sources to make me feel good,becouse they dont.Only what i have inside,if it's good,can make me feel good.And I love myself today,I love others today.Anyway...
I got my nipples pierced yesterday.The first one was alright,I thought it would hurt worse than it did.Unfortunatly the second one hurt worse than i thougt it would.I was so nervous.I like thm though,Im glad i did it.I saw my tattoo artwork too.It looks good.I have an apt. for Friday at five....
Im outa here I gotta call Travis so we can go make some music.
Here is something I wrote about two months ago.I think I was just starting to let go of my old life and was trying to accept the fact that things would never be the same.Today im ok with that fact.Everyday in life i strive for progression.
steppin' in doodoo....
now the fear of success is breathinn' down my neck
cuz fuckin up my life is what i did best
but i wont submit so long as im not dead
there will be bloodshed,im in the battle im spittin' my last breath
drink,fight,fuck-live fast,die young
this is the thinkin' that got me so fucked up
sometimes confused but i know what i wanna be
im a young blood just tryin' to take in everything
i stare at the page and draw a blank
what's going on inside my brain
im scatter brained i can't think strait
im awake but this feels like a dream
patience is no virtue when you do what you do
tryin' to controle things when you do your voodoo
comes soon the monsoon crashin' into you
this is old school fool
pick up ypur feet you keep steppin' in doodoo
My God someone smells like ass in this library,and its not that good dirty smell it's that I got mudd butt so i threw some vodka on it and refuse to wipe my ass smell...phweeew