The wonderful world of biology
So I have biology this semester. Just came back from lab. We're studying the human reproductive system. In lab we were doing the standard shit, taking a look at ovaries, testes, and sperm under a microscope. My teacher made a point of mentioning that there were 3 types of sperm samples available; human sperm, dog sperm, and monkey sperm.
Which makes me wonder, who had to jack off the monkey and dog? Was this done simultaneously, perhaps a dog that really got turned on by other species or something? And what must it be like to have that job? You can't tell anyone about it, the conversation would go like this:
Girl - So what do you do for a living?
Sperm collecting guy - I jack off dogs and monkeys.
Girl - Uhhhh.....
Sperm collecting guy - It's a lot more exciting than it sounds like!
*Girl starts backing away*
Sperm collecting guy - Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of one day manually pleasuring animals. It was my lifelong dream
Girl - Shut up.
Sperm collecting guy - It's also harder than you would think too. You can't just start yanking on them, you gotta get them in the mood first.
Girl - SHUT UP
Sperm collecting guy - Put on a little barry manilow, turn down the lights. Perhaps a little dancing with the monkey.
Girl - I'm going to call the police if you do not shut up.
Sperm collecting guy - The toughest part was getting my degree. They don't let just anyone jack off the monkey, you need to go to college to learn how to masturbate correctly
Girl - I'm dialing 9 1 1. See, the phone is in my hand.
Sperm collecting guy - But in the end it's all worth it when you hear that little sigh. The monkey has such a peaceful, content look on it's face. I like to think I bring a little joy in their world.
Girl - ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*girl jumps out the windows to escape*
Sperm collecting guy - Aw man, not again. Girls never want to date me. I don't know why...
Anyway, I'm tired and, as always, my little censor guy is asleep when I'm tired. So instead of keeping this imaginary conversation to myself, I actually told my lab partners. My two female lab partners. And my female lab instructor. My lab partners founds it amusing. My lab instructor is foreign and couldn't follow what I was talking about at all. Still, I've noticed that girls never want to date me. I don't know why...
Which makes me wonder, who had to jack off the monkey and dog? Was this done simultaneously, perhaps a dog that really got turned on by other species or something? And what must it be like to have that job? You can't tell anyone about it, the conversation would go like this:
Girl - So what do you do for a living?
Sperm collecting guy - I jack off dogs and monkeys.
Girl - Uhhhh.....
Sperm collecting guy - It's a lot more exciting than it sounds like!
*Girl starts backing away*
Sperm collecting guy - Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of one day manually pleasuring animals. It was my lifelong dream
Girl - Shut up.
Sperm collecting guy - It's also harder than you would think too. You can't just start yanking on them, you gotta get them in the mood first.
Girl - SHUT UP
Sperm collecting guy - Put on a little barry manilow, turn down the lights. Perhaps a little dancing with the monkey.
Girl - I'm going to call the police if you do not shut up.
Sperm collecting guy - The toughest part was getting my degree. They don't let just anyone jack off the monkey, you need to go to college to learn how to masturbate correctly
Girl - I'm dialing 9 1 1. See, the phone is in my hand.
Sperm collecting guy - But in the end it's all worth it when you hear that little sigh. The monkey has such a peaceful, content look on it's face. I like to think I bring a little joy in their world.
Girl - ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*girl jumps out the windows to escape*
Sperm collecting guy - Aw man, not again. Girls never want to date me. I don't know why...
Anyway, I'm tired and, as always, my little censor guy is asleep when I'm tired. So instead of keeping this imaginary conversation to myself, I actually told my lab partners. My two female lab partners. And my female lab instructor. My lab partners founds it amusing. My lab instructor is foreign and couldn't follow what I was talking about at all. Still, I've noticed that girls never want to date me. I don't know why...