ugh
I think I've finally reached a level in which I think it's appropriate to finally discuss my current predicament.
So why did it surprise me so much when he finally told me he liked her? They got along from the beginning? maybe because he told me he didn't find her attractive. I suppose things change when you're hurt and desperate. I thought I let go as carefully as I could. Perhaps I didn't. I don't consider myself to be a heart breaker. I told him that it wasn't him. how often is that the fib thats told? so often. right? however in this case it was me. not to say he was the ideal male for me because he certainly wasn't but I had grown attached to him. I think I might have loved him. despite his quirks.
She was surprising though. I loved her however I think she was fake from the beginning. just one of those girls who can never really be themselves around anyone. I tried convincing myself that she was real. that she wanted to be my friend that she wasn't just faking it when she said we were best friends. She always suspected I was using her. like did she think I wanted anything but friendship? I'm not like that. I just wanted to be friends, I didn't need her for anything but support and a smile. It hurts me to think that she was telling people she was done trying to be my friend. I hate how everyone involves themselves in our issues. how our relationship was torn up. I don't want to think it was her doing it. but the shoe fits if she said she was done. why hold on if they don't want you there? why hurt someone you love so much so badly? She let go and I can't hold onto the sand slipping through my fingers. I miss her. I really do. However she wants this boy then she wants me she'd give up our memories to create new ones with him. and letting her do that is the hardest part.
I messed things up with him. we were so close. just to the point where we were getting to be good friends. and then I ruin it. I like him however he's different then I first suspected and I know I'm not ready to enter into a relationship. especially with him. He's so young and naive and the more he clings the more I pull lose. he's starting to get the hint and I think I might be hurting him myself.
what is wrong with me? seriously.
So why did it surprise me so much when he finally told me he liked her? They got along from the beginning? maybe because he told me he didn't find her attractive. I suppose things change when you're hurt and desperate. I thought I let go as carefully as I could. Perhaps I didn't. I don't consider myself to be a heart breaker. I told him that it wasn't him. how often is that the fib thats told? so often. right? however in this case it was me. not to say he was the ideal male for me because he certainly wasn't but I had grown attached to him. I think I might have loved him. despite his quirks.
She was surprising though. I loved her however I think she was fake from the beginning. just one of those girls who can never really be themselves around anyone. I tried convincing myself that she was real. that she wanted to be my friend that she wasn't just faking it when she said we were best friends. She always suspected I was using her. like did she think I wanted anything but friendship? I'm not like that. I just wanted to be friends, I didn't need her for anything but support and a smile. It hurts me to think that she was telling people she was done trying to be my friend. I hate how everyone involves themselves in our issues. how our relationship was torn up. I don't want to think it was her doing it. but the shoe fits if she said she was done. why hold on if they don't want you there? why hurt someone you love so much so badly? She let go and I can't hold onto the sand slipping through my fingers. I miss her. I really do. However she wants this boy then she wants me she'd give up our memories to create new ones with him. and letting her do that is the hardest part.
I messed things up with him. we were so close. just to the point where we were getting to be good friends. and then I ruin it. I like him however he's different then I first suspected and I know I'm not ready to enter into a relationship. especially with him. He's so young and naive and the more he clings the more I pull lose. he's starting to get the hint and I think I might be hurting him myself.
what is wrong with me? seriously.