prom #1
aren't i attractive? shouldn't he like me? i mean 7 1/2 months thats supposed to be big. and I'm really only starting to feel obligations. I mean i love being around him but so many elements aren't there. Prom's around the corner. I already decided I probably won't take him. I'd rather take someone who not only wants to be there for me but who will enjoy the whole dancing and socializing thing. I mean Nikki has a guy. or she practically does. If she can do it why can't I? I so am lacking balls. lol. He says he doesn't want a gf. I don't want to be reduced to just a hook-up. I'm more than that. sometimes he looks at me and it's like I wonder what he's thinking because thats not a look you reserve for just anyone but then he does his whole tough boy act and is like we need to hang out soon. come hug me. ugh frustration. I might bring Nikki's cousin. I don't want to come off as queer to him because I'm not desperate. I'm attractive and funny and am a decent person. So whats my problem? I've been really sick lately. For the last week I haven't been in school. So why did I go to the luau? oh yeah...no one gave me a choice. so i went and actually looked alive and I danced. to the point where i attracted drunk fools. how come only only when intoxicated will guys dance with me. i really wish i knew. well angelica's quince was today and i was called rude the whole mass because i kept coughing. like i really can't control it. ugh. i hate the world sometimes. he party was nice. however one of the guys was working the party and i knew him so there were awkward moments. then the magic show tonight. matt's gonna be my back-up prom date. i like him as a person. he's just younger and awkward. so idk where I stand anymore...with anything.