Return
So, I had to either sign a contract and send it with an application for employment to the Busan Metropolitan Office of Education... or I had to choose to go home. I am loath to sign something when my potential re-employer isn't committing its cyclopean self, so I elected to return home this summer.
I can't say I'm actually eager to leave Korea. I'm not looking forward to returning home. Korea is not a nice place. The only people who like it here are 1) kids that have no world experience and treat this country like its an extended Spring Break, and 2) adults who have no future or prospects back home, and can live comfortably here, even though there's nothing to do but get drunk. The racism here is incredible, and institutionalized--it is a part of the language, the culture, and is even built into the bureaucratic administrations. And the Koreans themselves are an incredibly bitter and mean people that want the rest of the world to respect them, but are completely unwilling to show any respect to anyone outside of their own borders.
But upon returning to America... what is there for me? Well, I've given up on getting a Ph.D. I'm 32--I need to start settling down. I don't want to be 40 and doing what I'm doing now. So, I'm going to get a M.Ed. and try to get a job as a high school history teacher. Somewhere. Meanwhile, I have to worry about my cellphones tracking my every move, REAL ID, car insurance, the new Healthcare Bill. Hell, I won't even be able to get drunk and go home because taxis are not only few and far between, they cost a fortune (way more than they do in Korea). I'm going to have to live with my parents while they nag me and try to give me "advice." Yeah, the kind of advice that ruined my life 10 years ago when they told me to graduate in 4 years because of "school loans" instead of staying an extra year or two, getting Greek and Latin down, and going to grad school from there. Advice that wrecked my future and I spent my 20s trying to fix, but didn't. And when I step off the plane, I have the TSA waiting to greet me with scanners and pat-downs. "Welcome home."
Frankly, I'm not happy about returning to America. I feel distinctly... less American. Ironically. I don't know what to really say about it. I don't feel more Korean, no God forbid. No, I feel much more distant from America. I'm actually afraid of returning, afraid of having to tell people a thousand-and-one times what Korea was like, afraid of having to swallow the truth and tell them what they want to hear. I'm afraid because my faith and trust in God is basically nil and I'm not looking forward to hearing people in my family brow-beat me and say they'll "pray for me." I'm afraid I won't be able to find work and will have to return to Korea again.
I can't say I'm actually eager to leave Korea. I'm not looking forward to returning home. Korea is not a nice place. The only people who like it here are 1) kids that have no world experience and treat this country like its an extended Spring Break, and 2) adults who have no future or prospects back home, and can live comfortably here, even though there's nothing to do but get drunk. The racism here is incredible, and institutionalized--it is a part of the language, the culture, and is even built into the bureaucratic administrations. And the Koreans themselves are an incredibly bitter and mean people that want the rest of the world to respect them, but are completely unwilling to show any respect to anyone outside of their own borders.
But upon returning to America... what is there for me? Well, I've given up on getting a Ph.D. I'm 32--I need to start settling down. I don't want to be 40 and doing what I'm doing now. So, I'm going to get a M.Ed. and try to get a job as a high school history teacher. Somewhere. Meanwhile, I have to worry about my cellphones tracking my every move, REAL ID, car insurance, the new Healthcare Bill. Hell, I won't even be able to get drunk and go home because taxis are not only few and far between, they cost a fortune (way more than they do in Korea). I'm going to have to live with my parents while they nag me and try to give me "advice." Yeah, the kind of advice that ruined my life 10 years ago when they told me to graduate in 4 years because of "school loans" instead of staying an extra year or two, getting Greek and Latin down, and going to grad school from there. Advice that wrecked my future and I spent my 20s trying to fix, but didn't. And when I step off the plane, I have the TSA waiting to greet me with scanners and pat-downs. "Welcome home."
Frankly, I'm not happy about returning to America. I feel distinctly... less American. Ironically. I don't know what to really say about it. I don't feel more Korean, no God forbid. No, I feel much more distant from America. I'm actually afraid of returning, afraid of having to tell people a thousand-and-one times what Korea was like, afraid of having to swallow the truth and tell them what they want to hear. I'm afraid because my faith and trust in God is basically nil and I'm not looking forward to hearing people in my family brow-beat me and say they'll "pray for me." I'm afraid I won't be able to find work and will have to return to Korea again.