Alone
For some reason today, I was at work, at Merle Norman and I suddenly got hit by this total feeling of loneliness. I have no idea why. My manager was talking to me about my mom. She's worried about her. We all are I guess. It's very sad sometimes.
I drove straight from Cleveland to work. Spending those days with Dieter and his family was amazing. They are really cool people and I like them a lot. I loved being in a house with people....I guess I just realized how alone I actually am here. I mean, now that Sara's gone, I'm just here by myself. I used to think that I liked it....I think I tried to convince myself I did.
Maybe I did. For a while. When the weather was nice, and the neighbors were always out and campus actually had people on it. So much shit went down with Sara that I just wanted a place I could be by myself...Well, I have that now, and it makes me sad. I guess, I just want someone to be here. Anyone really. It's just so quiet and cold here. It's very peaceful, but so lonely.
I tried not to think about it the rest of work and that seemed to work, but now it's coming back. Now that I'm actually here, by myself.
I'm totally exhausted, but I'm going out with Arian and Dan and Arian's friend because I just dont want to be here alone. Before I went to Cleveland, I spent two nights here, and I made myself stay awake till 11pm just so that I would sleep through the night.
I think that's the worst part....The night. I dont mind the days here alone so much, but it's sad and kind of scarey to go to bed totally alone. I miss having Dieter here, yes, I miss that a lot. But, I miss anyone being here. I dont know if that makes any sense at all really.
Or this feeling. I've just been in a very comtemplative mood lately. Thinking about my life and the people in my life that care about me. I am so thankful for them.
Sara's not coming back to Otterbein ever. That's sad because I really like her. Kaitlin called me today which is awesome because she's gonna be here the rest of the year at least...she wants to live with me. I'll call her tomorrow and see if she wants to check out the apartment. She's a freshman, but she's very nice and down to earth.
Why do I feel so lonely?
I want to cry right now, but I think that would make me feel even more alone and I am going out in a bit. I think I'll call Dieter and talk to him for a little. See what he has to say.
Ok, I'm done.
Goodnight.
I drove straight from Cleveland to work. Spending those days with Dieter and his family was amazing. They are really cool people and I like them a lot. I loved being in a house with people....I guess I just realized how alone I actually am here. I mean, now that Sara's gone, I'm just here by myself. I used to think that I liked it....I think I tried to convince myself I did.
Maybe I did. For a while. When the weather was nice, and the neighbors were always out and campus actually had people on it. So much shit went down with Sara that I just wanted a place I could be by myself...Well, I have that now, and it makes me sad. I guess, I just want someone to be here. Anyone really. It's just so quiet and cold here. It's very peaceful, but so lonely.
I tried not to think about it the rest of work and that seemed to work, but now it's coming back. Now that I'm actually here, by myself.
I'm totally exhausted, but I'm going out with Arian and Dan and Arian's friend because I just dont want to be here alone. Before I went to Cleveland, I spent two nights here, and I made myself stay awake till 11pm just so that I would sleep through the night.
I think that's the worst part....The night. I dont mind the days here alone so much, but it's sad and kind of scarey to go to bed totally alone. I miss having Dieter here, yes, I miss that a lot. But, I miss anyone being here. I dont know if that makes any sense at all really.
Or this feeling. I've just been in a very comtemplative mood lately. Thinking about my life and the people in my life that care about me. I am so thankful for them.
Sara's not coming back to Otterbein ever. That's sad because I really like her. Kaitlin called me today which is awesome because she's gonna be here the rest of the year at least...she wants to live with me. I'll call her tomorrow and see if she wants to check out the apartment. She's a freshman, but she's very nice and down to earth.
Why do I feel so lonely?
I want to cry right now, but I think that would make me feel even more alone and I am going out in a bit. I think I'll call Dieter and talk to him for a little. See what he has to say.
Ok, I'm done.
Goodnight.