Hmmmm
So maybe things wont be as bad as I thought. Everything seems to be running rather smoothly. I dont think she'll hate me. I dont hate her, I never will. I was scared that she'd hate me, but she actually seems pretty, realitivly cool about things, despite how hard this has to be. I'm just trying to stay as much out of the middle of things as I can.
Had a huge break down last night. Was writing in my real journal ;)thinking about men I had loved in my life for some personal research on my character. I ended up realizing all this shit in my life! And just lost it. It was a good cry. The boy came over in the midst of it. Not so cool, but he was really cool about it.
I actually missed my mom last night. I wanted her here so that I could talk to her about all this bull shit that I went through last year. I think part of my breakdown was the realization that I cant just call my mother whenever I want to. And that sucks....it sucks a lot. I wanted to call her last night, but I know I couldnt...It really hurt.
I love Tuesdays because I have a 3 hour break in the middle of the day. It's cold and rainy out which kinda sucks, but when I'm in my warm cozy apartment it's not so bad :)
Winter's coming. That scares me. I really need some money to pay bills and get my meds. Winter scares me because it's when everything goes sour again. The obbsessive compulsions...usually about working out and what I'm eating. BUt maybe this year will be different. I'm in a very different place now in my life. I'm a lot healthier. I just need to be careful and have hope in myself.
This entry prolly makes no sense to anyone but me.
Oh well:)
Time to study lines!
Had a huge break down last night. Was writing in my real journal ;)thinking about men I had loved in my life for some personal research on my character. I ended up realizing all this shit in my life! And just lost it. It was a good cry. The boy came over in the midst of it. Not so cool, but he was really cool about it.
I actually missed my mom last night. I wanted her here so that I could talk to her about all this bull shit that I went through last year. I think part of my breakdown was the realization that I cant just call my mother whenever I want to. And that sucks....it sucks a lot. I wanted to call her last night, but I know I couldnt...It really hurt.
I love Tuesdays because I have a 3 hour break in the middle of the day. It's cold and rainy out which kinda sucks, but when I'm in my warm cozy apartment it's not so bad :)
Winter's coming. That scares me. I really need some money to pay bills and get my meds. Winter scares me because it's when everything goes sour again. The obbsessive compulsions...usually about working out and what I'm eating. BUt maybe this year will be different. I'm in a very different place now in my life. I'm a lot healthier. I just need to be careful and have hope in myself.
This entry prolly makes no sense to anyone but me.
Oh well:)
Time to study lines!