(no subject)
It seems as though my life came crashing down on me all in one night. These thing usually happen. I am some how capable of taking all my pain and fear and frustration and manifesting it into some form of stale happiness. That happiness that says to the world, "Hey, here I am. I smile, I laugh, I'm happy. Right? But really inside I'm dying." And I have this way of letting people into this feeling, usually for only breif seconds before I push them away again.
What do you do when the one person who truely understands you threatens to leave you? I dont know what to do anymore. I'm scared and cold and tired and I am admitting it, which I believe is one of the hardest things for me to do...and that is why I am in this mess.
What the fuck am I doing with my life? Is this what I want??
What do I want...?
It's so easy for me to get caught up in the business of my schedule and just forget everything. Unfortunetly, this is what happens. I stress myself out so much that I cant eat, I cant sleep, yet some how I manage to function. And no one would ever know that this is who I am and what I am. This painted face on a pretty body that says "I'm happy." I'm tired of playing the role...I'm not happy and nothing or anyone is going to make me happy except for myself. So fuck it, from now on, I am who I am. No more hiding these feelings. If it bugs people. Fuck them. I'm tired of doing this to myself...it's like high school all over again.
-=le sigh=-
What do you do when the one person who truely understands you threatens to leave you? I dont know what to do anymore. I'm scared and cold and tired and I am admitting it, which I believe is one of the hardest things for me to do...and that is why I am in this mess.
What the fuck am I doing with my life? Is this what I want??
What do I want...?
It's so easy for me to get caught up in the business of my schedule and just forget everything. Unfortunetly, this is what happens. I stress myself out so much that I cant eat, I cant sleep, yet some how I manage to function. And no one would ever know that this is who I am and what I am. This painted face on a pretty body that says "I'm happy." I'm tired of playing the role...I'm not happy and nothing or anyone is going to make me happy except for myself. So fuck it, from now on, I am who I am. No more hiding these feelings. If it bugs people. Fuck them. I'm tired of doing this to myself...it's like high school all over again.
-=le sigh=-