whacky dreams.....
OK, my turn for whacky dreams.
I've been dreaming lately of horrific choices in my teaching and student interactions. I dream I'm trying to help a student, but it all goes horribly wrong.
I dreamed I went to his house and picked him up in the evening to take him to school for tutoring in my classroom. My classroom was stark and white with lots of silver clad windows with mini blinds on them. Those poorly trimmed evergreen shrubs outside scraping on the windows like claws. Suburbia night mare.
The student worked on math, I think, in his desk while I worked on grading at mine. It got dark and late. Chris came to the school. We decided to sleep at the school as the weather was so bad and it was so late. I had forgotten about the student. He was sleeping at his desk.
Suddenly, I remembered he was there and not at his house. I woke up Chris and the student. Chris left and the student looked at me like I had betrayed him. Which I had. I had forgotten him. I called his parents and they threatened to sue me and the school for everything.
I called my principal and he called me into his office with the parents. It was still dark out. He looked at me like I had betrayed not only the student, but everything a teacher stands for. He looked at me like my parents used to when I did something bad in public. He told me to pack up my stuff and leave the premises immediately.
Thing is, I really only wanted to help, but I got so caught up in myself, I couldn't do my job. It's all about image and what my actions look like. In this dream, I looked like I was taking advantage of a student-teacher relationship.
It's a terror I work with daily. What if I do something horrid and not realise it? What if I do or say something that could be construed as harassment? Or worse? I'd be cut from the staff and pitched out the door so fast it would make my head spin. My goddess, what did I sign myself up for? Am I some kind of freak?
I feel like cowering in a corner and teaching whatever bone the government pitches to me to teach. Hopefully my dreams tonight won't be so hideous. Hopefully the thunder will chase them away.