Tangible Pain
It's interesting how sometimes you can hurt and be so angry that you just want to tear yourself to shreds so that maybe it wont hurt so much...maybe if you distract yourself with your own real pain that the pain tearing at your heart and ripping through your head wont seem so bad. How do you deal with the pain when it's caused by someone who is supposed to be most important in your life? How do you just turn a blind eye to something someone is doing that makes you physically ill in it's essence?
My parents separating took time to get used to. Them getting separate apartments...ok..could get used to that too. But when my mother tells me that she's getting her own apartment with a roommate, and in asking who the roommate is, being told a friend...she has no friends...if she says friends...that means a fuck buddy...how can i just be okay with that? To me she's choosing this wild lifestyle she wants now and she's choosing living with some fucking loser who has no morals and knows nothing of the meaning of them seeing as how hes fucking a married woman...and in doing this...I will never go over to her apartment because I dont need to meet this man...I dont need to meet this person who would fuck a married woman and then get her to shack up with him. If she didnt want to have a relationship with me or just not ever see me in person except being out somewhere, this was certainly the way to do it.
I told her that it's a stupid fucking idea to move in with someone you're fucking while you're off fucking everyone else...not a good idea. I gave her the same lecture she would give me, and of course she didn't like it.
Yeah, I'm angry and yeah..parts of it some may say are stupid for me to be angry about, but it's my heart, my past that plays a part in it and my present which kills.
My parents separating took time to get used to. Them getting separate apartments...ok..could get used to that too. But when my mother tells me that she's getting her own apartment with a roommate, and in asking who the roommate is, being told a friend...she has no friends...if she says friends...that means a fuck buddy...how can i just be okay with that? To me she's choosing this wild lifestyle she wants now and she's choosing living with some fucking loser who has no morals and knows nothing of the meaning of them seeing as how hes fucking a married woman...and in doing this...I will never go over to her apartment because I dont need to meet this man...I dont need to meet this person who would fuck a married woman and then get her to shack up with him. If she didnt want to have a relationship with me or just not ever see me in person except being out somewhere, this was certainly the way to do it.
I told her that it's a stupid fucking idea to move in with someone you're fucking while you're off fucking everyone else...not a good idea. I gave her the same lecture she would give me, and of course she didn't like it.
Yeah, I'm angry and yeah..parts of it some may say are stupid for me to be angry about, but it's my heart, my past that plays a part in it and my present which kills.