Just 'Cause
At first, I was all, "Aw, man! I don't wanna!"
But then I figured, "Well, it's not like I've got anything else going on."
And then I remembered that on one of my worst days ever last week, carolinecrane wrote a freaking story for me, in which Jim Brass rescued me from my board meeting! There is nothing in my life that can compare to awesome like that. Remember once when I said when someone offers me kindness, it breaks me a little? Yeah. She broke me, in a good way, but still.
So on this lonely night when I would give anything to have one of you here with me so we could drink coffee, or tea, or beer, and watch movies until we fall asleep on the couch,
The rules (which I both follow and break):
a. people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
b. tag eight people. don't refuse to do that. don't tag who tagged you.
1. What are your nicknames?
D
Monkey, Chickie, Angelface (the Husband)
Diana Banana (the Mother, when I was a wee thing)
Aunt D
Miss D (some strange subset of the people I hang with here)
2. How do you style your hair?
With a hair dryer?
3. What's new in your life right now?
This minute? Not much. New story I'm working on. It pretty much takes over my brain most days.
4. How many colors are you wearing now?
Four, which is unusual of me.
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
I a very socially adaptable introvert. I can handle socializing fine for a bit, then I need to go into my safe warm place and regenerate.
6. What was the last book you read?
I've been in a non-reading mood lately. It happens, and it's a weird mood to be in, but I write more. Lately I've been reading bits and pieces of different books, mostly about British English and culture and fairy tales. I most recently finished The Uncommon Reader, and...and something I liked anough to send to the Jenny, but now I can't remember what it is and THIS IS WHY I WRITE DOWN THE TITLES OF THE BOOKS I READ.
7. Do you nap a lot?
I can't. I've tried to. Even when I'm really tired or sick, I have a hard time falling asleep.
8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
I don't like that question, I'm changing it.:
Think of a look you had in the past that you now know should never have been seen in public and now makes you wonder if your friends even liked you. Tell me about it.
When I was not quite 14, I had super short hair on the sides of my head, long hair hanging in my face, and a blond rat tail. Whut? It was 1983. I also dyed my jeans with red Ritt dye, wore tons of black mascara, purple lipstick, and clunky men's shoes. My only consolation is 10 years later, my cousin enjoyed the fashion craze of hairspraying her bangs to stand at attention.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Work crap. Mostly. Loneliness. Regularly.
10. What was the last thing you ate today?
Some cookies, because fiareynne's story made me angsty.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
I shower the night before. But I am up at least an hour before I leave due to my insatiable need for caffeine before I can even consider what to wear.
12. What websites do you visit daily?
Livejournal, gmail, groundspring (for work), several nonprofit fundraising blogs, boing boing, several book blogs, whatever else catches my fancy.
13. what classes are you taking right now? and if you're not in school anymore, what's your job?
I'm the program manager for a very small International Foundation.
14. Do you like to clean?
Not particularly. But I enjoy living in a clean house, so it gets done more regularly than my habits would dictate. Sometimes it's a good way to avoid doing really important shit, like dealing with my story block, or arguing with the Husband.
15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Some Kiss song I don't actually know the title of and IT'S ALL annlarimer's FAULT.
16. If the world were to end tomorrow, what one thing would you do today?
I would go to my parents', where the rest of my family would be, plus those members of my family we've adopted over the years. We would eat, and drink, and smoke, and laugh. I would laugh.
17. What's better: eternal love or memorable love?
What a stupid ass question, I will change it to something equally vapid:
Are you paranoid, or are they truly out to get you?
Interesting you should ask that, as I've been thinking about it latey. I don't think we're ever aware of our own paranoia, because it is little more than our feelings causing and immediate and involuntary reaction, not something we sit down and examine. But I have been quite examiney lately and I've realized that yes, I am kinda paranoid. That auto-fear that kicks in whenever I assume someone is mad at me and is abandoning our friendship? Paranoia. Granted, I have had a history of hurt and loss, but not for twelve years, at least. Those old experiences, however, have taught me that I survived them and went on to meet new people, better people than those who would hurt me. And eventually, I get to the point when it occurs to me that I don't fear a friend will leave me because I am mopey, boring, needy, or whiny. What's sad is, it sometimes takes years to get to that point.
18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?
Mojitos for all my friends! No, seriously, I can't stand rum. Honestly? I know this will make me sound impertinently pollyanna-ish, but I would see if it belonged to someone in a nearby business. If that is neither possible, nor probable, then I will most likely pocket it. I would feel strangely guilty spending it, though. Because I would know that money belonged to someone else.
19. Best time of your life?
Every day at one point or another when I laugh at something funny I see from a friend, or at those things the Husband knows to do when I need amusing, or an email I get from a friend has something surprising and hilarious in it, those are the best times: when joy is surprised out of me, forcing me to feel it.
20. Tell me something good.
I'm going home to visit my family (finally!) for Thanksgiving. I never feel quite all there when I'm apart from them. I live for those few days I get.
Not tagging. Not gonna do it. But I would love if you would. Do it, I mean. In the comments. I mean.
But then I figured, "Well, it's not like I've got anything else going on."
And then I remembered that on one of my worst days ever last week, carolinecrane wrote a freaking story for me, in which Jim Brass rescued me from my board meeting! There is nothing in my life that can compare to awesome like that. Remember once when I said when someone offers me kindness, it breaks me a little? Yeah. She broke me, in a good way, but still.
So on this lonely night when I would give anything to have one of you here with me so we could drink coffee, or tea, or beer, and watch movies until we fall asleep on the couch,
The rules (which I both follow and break):
a. people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
b. tag eight people. don't refuse to do that. don't tag who tagged you.
1. What are your nicknames?
D
Monkey, Chickie, Angelface (the Husband)
Diana Banana (the Mother, when I was a wee thing)
Aunt D
Miss D (some strange subset of the people I hang with here)
2. How do you style your hair?
With a hair dryer?
3. What's new in your life right now?
This minute? Not much. New story I'm working on. It pretty much takes over my brain most days.
4. How many colors are you wearing now?
Four, which is unusual of me.
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
I a very socially adaptable introvert. I can handle socializing fine for a bit, then I need to go into my safe warm place and regenerate.
6. What was the last book you read?
I've been in a non-reading mood lately. It happens, and it's a weird mood to be in, but I write more. Lately I've been reading bits and pieces of different books, mostly about British English and culture and fairy tales. I most recently finished The Uncommon Reader, and...and something I liked anough to send to the Jenny, but now I can't remember what it is and THIS IS WHY I WRITE DOWN THE TITLES OF THE BOOKS I READ.
7. Do you nap a lot?
I can't. I've tried to. Even when I'm really tired or sick, I have a hard time falling asleep.
8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
I don't like that question, I'm changing it.:
Think of a look you had in the past that you now know should never have been seen in public and now makes you wonder if your friends even liked you. Tell me about it.
When I was not quite 14, I had super short hair on the sides of my head, long hair hanging in my face, and a blond rat tail. Whut? It was 1983. I also dyed my jeans with red Ritt dye, wore tons of black mascara, purple lipstick, and clunky men's shoes. My only consolation is 10 years later, my cousin enjoyed the fashion craze of hairspraying her bangs to stand at attention.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Work crap. Mostly. Loneliness. Regularly.
10. What was the last thing you ate today?
Some cookies, because fiareynne's story made me angsty.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
I shower the night before. But I am up at least an hour before I leave due to my insatiable need for caffeine before I can even consider what to wear.
12. What websites do you visit daily?
Livejournal, gmail, groundspring (for work), several nonprofit fundraising blogs, boing boing, several book blogs, whatever else catches my fancy.
13. what classes are you taking right now? and if you're not in school anymore, what's your job?
I'm the program manager for a very small International Foundation.
14. Do you like to clean?
Not particularly. But I enjoy living in a clean house, so it gets done more regularly than my habits would dictate. Sometimes it's a good way to avoid doing really important shit, like dealing with my story block, or arguing with the Husband.
15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Some Kiss song I don't actually know the title of and IT'S ALL annlarimer's FAULT.
16. If the world were to end tomorrow, what one thing would you do today?
I would go to my parents', where the rest of my family would be, plus those members of my family we've adopted over the years. We would eat, and drink, and smoke, and laugh. I would laugh.
17. What's better: eternal love or memorable love?
What a stupid ass question, I will change it to something equally vapid:
Are you paranoid, or are they truly out to get you?
Interesting you should ask that, as I've been thinking about it latey. I don't think we're ever aware of our own paranoia, because it is little more than our feelings causing and immediate and involuntary reaction, not something we sit down and examine. But I have been quite examiney lately and I've realized that yes, I am kinda paranoid. That auto-fear that kicks in whenever I assume someone is mad at me and is abandoning our friendship? Paranoia. Granted, I have had a history of hurt and loss, but not for twelve years, at least. Those old experiences, however, have taught me that I survived them and went on to meet new people, better people than those who would hurt me. And eventually, I get to the point when it occurs to me that I don't fear a friend will leave me because I am mopey, boring, needy, or whiny. What's sad is, it sometimes takes years to get to that point.
18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?
Mojitos for all my friends! No, seriously, I can't stand rum. Honestly? I know this will make me sound impertinently pollyanna-ish, but I would see if it belonged to someone in a nearby business. If that is neither possible, nor probable, then I will most likely pocket it. I would feel strangely guilty spending it, though. Because I would know that money belonged to someone else.
19. Best time of your life?
Every day at one point or another when I laugh at something funny I see from a friend, or at those things the Husband knows to do when I need amusing, or an email I get from a friend has something surprising and hilarious in it, those are the best times: when joy is surprised out of me, forcing me to feel it.
20. Tell me something good.
I'm going home to visit my family (finally!) for Thanksgiving. I never feel quite all there when I'm apart from them. I live for those few days I get.
Not tagging. Not gonna do it. But I would love if you would. Do it, I mean. In the comments. I mean.