I keep starting posts and then not finishing them and then posting my thoughts to tumblr instead
It's like a disease. I prefer the conversational aspect of lj much better, but I love the activity and energy of tumblr. Plus, tumblr reinforces my belief that it doesn't matter in what way fandom is communicating, fandom is the same. The same rules and hierarchies fall into place. It would be comforting, if it weren't so frustrating.
Example, I'm quiet, but I am not a lurker by any means. If I have something I want to communicate, or a question or response for someone, I will say it. I do this on tumblr the same as on lj the same as I did on my old listservs. And it kind of bites when I don't even get a response, but it's not an unfamiliar feeling, because the exact same thing happened before. It doesn't matter the fandom, or the method of message delivery. I am no one and so I get ignored. I'd love to pretend I am above it all, and for the most part I don't care. Except when I do because it's rude and plays into deep-seated fears of rejection and the next thing you know I'm the ugliest stupidest girl in the world. Then I remember this is fandom. And I move on.
THIS ISN'T EVEN WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT, Y'ALL
I have no papers to write this semester until the very end, and that's a reflection paper so I don't even have to do research or anything. I've been thinking I want to write. I want to write something, but I don't know what. I want to write something that isn't a research paper, but I have no ideas right now. I want to research something completely frivolous and only tangentially important because that is the best way to prepare to write anything is to research how long it takes to take the train from London to Wells; even if your characters never gets on that damn train, it's something I need to know.
But I don't even know where to start anymore. Used to be I would start with a visual image stuck in my head and I would puzzle over that image forever before the story behind the image takes shape. For Good Knight-Errant, it was Nicholas and Danny sitting outside by a forest, on the ground, by a fire. I wasn't even thinking, Oh, obviously, knight AU! That came later.
I don't know that prompts will help, unless they are very unusual and get me thinking. I can't think of a better group of people who may be able to prompt me so I can do something fucking creative and get outside my head and possibly feel like I'm a part of something again.
So drop me a prompt or two. Doesn't have to be fandom related, though, fanfic is easier (and harder) to consider right now than original fic. Could even be a prompt for a personal essay. Doesn't have to be a plot. It can be a picture, or piece of music, or thought, or quote, or poem, or random object drop, or anything. Be weird! Be off-the-cuff!
Or just talk to me about writing, because I haven't talked about writing in forever and I miss it something terrible, you guys. I don't think I realized how much until just this moment.