5 years?
looking at the calendar, i see the date circled..I dig in my top drawer for a blue silk box, with the contents of afew pieces of jewelry that I was always forbidden to touch when i was much younger..yet I used to sneak these rings out which then were too big...and yet now almost 36 yrs later, they fit one of my fingers...
today I put on the gold and blue sapphire ring that she was given by her father...had to be in the late 50's.
this womyn that passed was known by some as being so compassionate..and kind...and yet to me, though so talented..and goal oriented ...I mostly knew her to be cruel...and torturing to me body and soul.
her passing seemed almost like karma payback...yet the humanitarian in me would never wish it on my worst enemy..
to pass...as she did today in 2006, from a heart attack in her apt, and then not to be found till 2 weeks later on the 29th.
even after all that she did and destroyed in my life, that aspect of guilt consumed me for months.
after my mother passed was when I finally spoke of the truth...it helped..and healed..It took about 3 yrs to forgive..and in hopes that the dreams would subside..
then I was hearing from loved ones and past loves and my father, that she had also ruined their lives.. I kinda took back the forgiveness..
maybe someday once all is out and done..and I've learned all the truths, maybe I could start again..
and forgive..
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