Super Road Trip HAPPY FUN TIME Adventures
Ok. So I take a snowboarding trip every January, relatives and friends up the coast give me places to stay within driving distance to mountains so I stick to the eastside. Since my cushy government job gave me three weeks of paid vacation after my first year, I decided to take a long one this year. Since October-ish I’ve had an overwhelming itch to fly down a mountain strapped to wood at about mach 1. I’m determined to break some sort of record… or my neck, whichever comes first.
SO, January comes around and my board and I are ecstatic to get going:
First stop: North Carolina, the state boasting the highest mountain on the East coast. Unfortunately, once I got there I remembered how fucking cold snow is. This is about how pissed I looked until I actually made my first run:
Since it’s a pain in the ass to stop, remove gloves, get out a camera, and have someone else do the same and take pictures, you get no action shots. I ended up on 3 mountains over 5 days in NC. Weather was perfect; the only time I was on solid ice was the first 3 hours of the last day. That’s a fucking record let me tell you.
Fifth day over, I spend a day driving up to northern Maryland to visit my good friend Johnny Stiletto, a tattoo artist in Hanover, Pennsylvania. Ate some KILLER sushi and re-met this little guy, Lexington Poindexter Stiletto:
Lex is seriously one of the cutest things on the fucking planet… while simultaneously being a walking, talking commercial for birth control. I’m glad I don’t have kids yet.
After crying for the first 3 hours I was there, he warmed up to me and was a little meat-wad of joy for my first 5 days in MD. I have never seen a kid this fucking adorable. Until Mr. Stiletto and I drove to Baltimore to pick up my roommate who flew up there to meet us… after the second stranger got in the house the 2 year old terror Lexington emerged and attacked everyone’s good-will, patience, and hearing pain threshold. Look closely at this picture; His dark eyes do indeed have a hint of red, for he is of the devil.
That picture brings me to the tip of the day; never give a 2 year old Mountain Dew… ever. They turn into gremlins.
Ok. So from J's place, it’s nearly a 3 hour drive to Philadelphia. We planned on spending a whole day there, checking out the Mutter Museum again to see all the freaks and oddities (go if you’ve never been). When we were almost there however, little Lex started projectile vomiting so much they could have used him as a fire hydrant, a fire hydrant that spews juice and little chunks of bacon… but that shit could put out some fires. Maybe even gag a dolphin.
Anyways, we get to Philly and get out of the car just to grab some ‘official’ Philly cheese steak subs then start our drive home. Thanks sick baby. That was a delicious 6 hour drive worthy sandwich.
The first 8 days I was in MD it never got below freezing. NOT ONCE. So our trips to the mountains were very, very soggy. I think I could have treated the mountain like a water park and just plopped down on my ass and slid down the fucking thing. Strapped to my board though, I am pretty sure I almost broke a land speed record. I was going so fast that when I leveled out gravity forced me into a squat right before sound caught up to me. I’m pretty grateful I never wiped out going that fast. I bet I would have lost limbs.
On the final Friday of the trip (day 15), we spent over 10 hours on the mountain. J was in a tattoo convention in Baltimore, so my roommate and I decided to go for broke.
This was the first day it got below freezing the entire time in MD/PA.
The first half of the day it was a little more solid than mushy and REALLY bumpy on the mountain. The second half of the day after the temperature dropped, it turned into powder… on top of SOLID ICE. So you could go from soft and cushy carving to sliding uncontrollably in milliseconds. I injured myself more that last day than the rest of the vacation. Bruises, tailbone, and whiplash aside… it was an awesome day that ended with a pair of neat whiskeys and a Coffee Alexander. Yum.
Saturday: Time to go home. But before we start the death drive, we stop in Baltimore and spend a full day at the tattoo convention:
That’s one aisle of 4 in the main ballroom, with two other rooms and a full hallway… hundreds of people getting tattooed at once. That was a first sight for me. Lots of weirdoes too. Full body tattoos on display by the full bar… it was amazing. There was even some chicks making out while they got tattooed I’m assuming because they liked the pain. Nice.
Yeah. That’s a Japanese guy that speaks absolutely NO English, tattooing by hand. BY HAND! “Fuck tattoo machines, I’ve got a stick with a pin on it!” He was pretty pissed I used a flash for the picture too.
Since my friend and tattoo artist Johnny Stiletto was working, I had to get some work done myself, so I got my thigh piece started. Won’t get finished until October when I go up there for his wedding… but whatever. I got to sit in my underwear in a room full of hundreds of people while getting drawn on with a tattoo gun. How cool is that? It did help that it was a thousand fucking degrees in the place, which was crazy because it was like 18 outside.
Here’s Mr. Stiletto and myself inkedifying in the waaaay too small booth he had to work in:
Well that’s it. We left the convention at 7pm-ish, drove all night and got back to Orlando approximately 13 hours later on Sunday morning. Back to work Monday.
Damn those 17 days went by way too fast.
SO, January comes around and my board and I are ecstatic to get going:
First stop: North Carolina, the state boasting the highest mountain on the East coast. Unfortunately, once I got there I remembered how fucking cold snow is. This is about how pissed I looked until I actually made my first run:
Since it’s a pain in the ass to stop, remove gloves, get out a camera, and have someone else do the same and take pictures, you get no action shots. I ended up on 3 mountains over 5 days in NC. Weather was perfect; the only time I was on solid ice was the first 3 hours of the last day. That’s a fucking record let me tell you.
Fifth day over, I spend a day driving up to northern Maryland to visit my good friend Johnny Stiletto, a tattoo artist in Hanover, Pennsylvania. Ate some KILLER sushi and re-met this little guy, Lexington Poindexter Stiletto:
Lex is seriously one of the cutest things on the fucking planet… while simultaneously being a walking, talking commercial for birth control. I’m glad I don’t have kids yet.
After crying for the first 3 hours I was there, he warmed up to me and was a little meat-wad of joy for my first 5 days in MD. I have never seen a kid this fucking adorable. Until Mr. Stiletto and I drove to Baltimore to pick up my roommate who flew up there to meet us… after the second stranger got in the house the 2 year old terror Lexington emerged and attacked everyone’s good-will, patience, and hearing pain threshold. Look closely at this picture; His dark eyes do indeed have a hint of red, for he is of the devil.
That picture brings me to the tip of the day; never give a 2 year old Mountain Dew… ever. They turn into gremlins.
Ok. So from J's place, it’s nearly a 3 hour drive to Philadelphia. We planned on spending a whole day there, checking out the Mutter Museum again to see all the freaks and oddities (go if you’ve never been). When we were almost there however, little Lex started projectile vomiting so much they could have used him as a fire hydrant, a fire hydrant that spews juice and little chunks of bacon… but that shit could put out some fires. Maybe even gag a dolphin.
Anyways, we get to Philly and get out of the car just to grab some ‘official’ Philly cheese steak subs then start our drive home. Thanks sick baby. That was a delicious 6 hour drive worthy sandwich.
The first 8 days I was in MD it never got below freezing. NOT ONCE. So our trips to the mountains were very, very soggy. I think I could have treated the mountain like a water park and just plopped down on my ass and slid down the fucking thing. Strapped to my board though, I am pretty sure I almost broke a land speed record. I was going so fast that when I leveled out gravity forced me into a squat right before sound caught up to me. I’m pretty grateful I never wiped out going that fast. I bet I would have lost limbs.
On the final Friday of the trip (day 15), we spent over 10 hours on the mountain. J was in a tattoo convention in Baltimore, so my roommate and I decided to go for broke.
This was the first day it got below freezing the entire time in MD/PA.
The first half of the day it was a little more solid than mushy and REALLY bumpy on the mountain. The second half of the day after the temperature dropped, it turned into powder… on top of SOLID ICE. So you could go from soft and cushy carving to sliding uncontrollably in milliseconds. I injured myself more that last day than the rest of the vacation. Bruises, tailbone, and whiplash aside… it was an awesome day that ended with a pair of neat whiskeys and a Coffee Alexander. Yum.
Saturday: Time to go home. But before we start the death drive, we stop in Baltimore and spend a full day at the tattoo convention:
That’s one aisle of 4 in the main ballroom, with two other rooms and a full hallway… hundreds of people getting tattooed at once. That was a first sight for me. Lots of weirdoes too. Full body tattoos on display by the full bar… it was amazing. There was even some chicks making out while they got tattooed I’m assuming because they liked the pain. Nice.
Yeah. That’s a Japanese guy that speaks absolutely NO English, tattooing by hand. BY HAND! “Fuck tattoo machines, I’ve got a stick with a pin on it!” He was pretty pissed I used a flash for the picture too.
Since my friend and tattoo artist Johnny Stiletto was working, I had to get some work done myself, so I got my thigh piece started. Won’t get finished until October when I go up there for his wedding… but whatever. I got to sit in my underwear in a room full of hundreds of people while getting drawn on with a tattoo gun. How cool is that? It did help that it was a thousand fucking degrees in the place, which was crazy because it was like 18 outside.
Here’s Mr. Stiletto and myself inkedifying in the waaaay too small booth he had to work in:
Well that’s it. We left the convention at 7pm-ish, drove all night and got back to Orlando approximately 13 hours later on Sunday morning. Back to work Monday.
Damn those 17 days went by way too fast.