yup
so here's life right now
so i gotta be up in like 4 hours... i guess this is where i hit my "creative genius" aka feel like venting.
so there's a certain trip i wanna take in august.. to take this trip i need like 2,000 bucks. even if i don't go (which i don't at this point) i need the money to fix up my car.. it's been too long that i've sat around with a broken car and drove my mom's car tryin to think up ways to get a new engine in the metro. whatev, that's not the point. the point is to raise this much money i'm gonna have to damn near kill myself. now i THINK i put together two full time jobs around 10 an hour... before taxes that's 400 each job a week so 800 together, but then after taxes it may only be like 600. that's 2,400 a month. ok that 2,000 doesn't count my monthly bills. sooooo i'll have to think up more stuff on top of the 2 jobs. i dunno if it can be done honestly.
but aside from the trip, the car, or any of that there's a deeper issue here... so granny and gramps ain't doin so well these days. that's sad but true. why does this matter? well me and mama legend have NEVER been close to wealthy. even when i made good money i ended up having to help her out with her bills.. now as lame as it makes me sound, it's no secret that both me and my mom live in the basement of my grandparent's house. she's never been able to make it on her own because she wanted to do daycare for a living, and daycare doesn't pay SHIT. hey at least she did what she wanted to do. but once my grandparents die, what happens? i can barely pay bills right now. think if i had to pay rent on top of that. i'll end up homeless.
now when i was 18 and it came time to choose what i'm doin after high school i simply didn't bother.. i was fucking 18. did i know what i wanted to do the rest of my life? fuck no. i STILL don't. well i'd love to wrestle but my disgusting body is gonna forever prevent that. but i didn't do the typical shit that was expected of me. the whole go to college for something you THINk you wanna do, pay all that money, and get in a job you hate and keep it until you retire. that's not me. i couldn't repsect myself if i didn't at least TRY to do what i wanna do. but at the same time this has caused me to never have financial stability. that's all i really want. some fucking stability. i wanna not worry about my future. i mean when i think foward about what's to come, i damn near have a panic attack. it's that bad.
so what do i do? get a good paying job that'll take up all my time and ensure that i have no time to reach my dreams? hell no. but see as much as i wanna just start training and get ready to start wrestling, i HAVE to take care of business before life sneaks up and fucks me in the ass... this is why i wanna be a homeowner before i'm 30. just to make sure i'm ready for when my grandparents DO die. so i'll have somewhere to go. but doing this will delay pretty much the rest of my life for the next 5 or so years.
ugh i no longer know where i'm going with this... earlier tonight i thought up what i wanted to talk about but i don't even know anymore.
not even sure what i want from writing this. i sure as hell don't want any of the stupid "awww kisses it'll be better" comments cause those piss me off.. not it's NOT alright so cut it out. it's time to be strong, not sympathetic.
i gotta figure out a lot of stuff. i guess this week is a week of finding new jobs. as always if anyone knwos of something lemme know.
and ya know earlier this week my main concern was gettin back into the gym but now i just know it's not gonna happen. i won't have time workin as much as i need to. what sucks about being broke is that i WANT to diet and shit but i'm not the one who buys food in the house. i'm kinda stuck with what's here so there's no way TO diet. i want enough money to be able to stick with i need to be eating.
i shouldn't stop but i doubt anyone will keep reading if i keep letting it all spill out. i really wanna take care of business but as always it's roadblock after roadblock.
so i gotta be up in like 4 hours... i guess this is where i hit my "creative genius" aka feel like venting.
so there's a certain trip i wanna take in august.. to take this trip i need like 2,000 bucks. even if i don't go (which i don't at this point) i need the money to fix up my car.. it's been too long that i've sat around with a broken car and drove my mom's car tryin to think up ways to get a new engine in the metro. whatev, that's not the point. the point is to raise this much money i'm gonna have to damn near kill myself. now i THINK i put together two full time jobs around 10 an hour... before taxes that's 400 each job a week so 800 together, but then after taxes it may only be like 600. that's 2,400 a month. ok that 2,000 doesn't count my monthly bills. sooooo i'll have to think up more stuff on top of the 2 jobs. i dunno if it can be done honestly.
but aside from the trip, the car, or any of that there's a deeper issue here... so granny and gramps ain't doin so well these days. that's sad but true. why does this matter? well me and mama legend have NEVER been close to wealthy. even when i made good money i ended up having to help her out with her bills.. now as lame as it makes me sound, it's no secret that both me and my mom live in the basement of my grandparent's house. she's never been able to make it on her own because she wanted to do daycare for a living, and daycare doesn't pay SHIT. hey at least she did what she wanted to do. but once my grandparents die, what happens? i can barely pay bills right now. think if i had to pay rent on top of that. i'll end up homeless.
now when i was 18 and it came time to choose what i'm doin after high school i simply didn't bother.. i was fucking 18. did i know what i wanted to do the rest of my life? fuck no. i STILL don't. well i'd love to wrestle but my disgusting body is gonna forever prevent that. but i didn't do the typical shit that was expected of me. the whole go to college for something you THINk you wanna do, pay all that money, and get in a job you hate and keep it until you retire. that's not me. i couldn't repsect myself if i didn't at least TRY to do what i wanna do. but at the same time this has caused me to never have financial stability. that's all i really want. some fucking stability. i wanna not worry about my future. i mean when i think foward about what's to come, i damn near have a panic attack. it's that bad.
so what do i do? get a good paying job that'll take up all my time and ensure that i have no time to reach my dreams? hell no. but see as much as i wanna just start training and get ready to start wrestling, i HAVE to take care of business before life sneaks up and fucks me in the ass... this is why i wanna be a homeowner before i'm 30. just to make sure i'm ready for when my grandparents DO die. so i'll have somewhere to go. but doing this will delay pretty much the rest of my life for the next 5 or so years.
ugh i no longer know where i'm going with this... earlier tonight i thought up what i wanted to talk about but i don't even know anymore.
not even sure what i want from writing this. i sure as hell don't want any of the stupid "awww kisses it'll be better" comments cause those piss me off.. not it's NOT alright so cut it out. it's time to be strong, not sympathetic.
i gotta figure out a lot of stuff. i guess this week is a week of finding new jobs. as always if anyone knwos of something lemme know.
and ya know earlier this week my main concern was gettin back into the gym but now i just know it's not gonna happen. i won't have time workin as much as i need to. what sucks about being broke is that i WANT to diet and shit but i'm not the one who buys food in the house. i'm kinda stuck with what's here so there's no way TO diet. i want enough money to be able to stick with i need to be eating.
i shouldn't stop but i doubt anyone will keep reading if i keep letting it all spill out. i really wanna take care of business but as always it's roadblock after roadblock.