So...
Three screwdrivers later...
It wasn't a particulary hard day although it was somewhat of a long day. I started at eight a.m. (for someof you that may seem normal but in THIS RETAIL LIFE I'm used to getting to work around three ansd satyaying until eleven...so an elarly (elary for me ) shift is somewhate strange. But I digress ....
I taw a about at ten hour day and honestly I didn't do that much...we've a new G.M. and he's come ing in and (rightly so) dictaged that we need to change up some stouff...like thinkngs that will impact the look and feel of the store...clean and bright kind of shit...hod on... I need another drink..wait a sec
FOUR screwdrivers later...
okay, three and a half...I'm still finighing the fourth...
So anyway, as I said it wasn't much aof a hard day, just kinda long. If you got me ranting about work a few weeks ago I would have told you "THATls IT, I'm FUCKING DONE!" but there have abeen a few changes, both in leadership and in personnel. I'm switching departments (which is good because I was starting to get boerd where I was_) as of Sunday and I'll have an opportunity to lead a new team (new to me anways)_ and this time the department I'm taking over isn't already in the shitter requireing me to go through massavie amounts of retraining and restructiouring of the associates so in that sense my job will be somewhat easier than the last time I took over a department.
I'm optimistic. The holiday is approching and even though I'm bechind schedule (my schedule anyway) in teerms of my next promotion, I'm not all that upset about it ( although that could just be the Kavlana talking, and seriously, how come I have Kavlana vodka in my freezer? I have better tast than that. Where the fuck did this bottle come from?_Then agains there is something to be said about the mouths of gift horses yeah?) so althought I'm still a step behind in terms of being in a place where I can buy my on home in this still inflated yet rapidly deflating southern California market; I'm feeling okay.
Segue: Funny thing happened over sushi today...the new G.M., whose name is Matt, announced that he's enganged as of this week. Good for him, right? At least thats what I said; I outwardly congratulated him and wished him luck on that venture and, because I'm narcissitic like that, I began to compare my life with his. A horrible endeavor because we're the same age and he's making six digits and I'm not even close to approaching that salary as of 11:32 p.m. Thursday October fourth two-thousand seven. Money isn't the only thing in life; but life can be alot easier when it's not so much of a concern. Anyway...he's got (now I'm just assuming) a nice howse, a fiance, and a job that pays him an assload of cash for the same shitty hours I'm working twenty bucks an hour for. What the fuck, you know?
It causes me to think that Maybe, just maybe, I should be doing something else. Some thing that has nothing to do with talking people in to parting with their money for a box of plastic and silicon. I should be creating joy...or supplementing it at least. Or allieviating suffering. Or preventing death. I've spent the last ten years laboring at a job that has little to no redeeming value other than it's bought me a few cars and paid my rent for a decade. But what of my footprint? What, in my profession, shows that I've contributed to the well being of my fellow man (and woman, mad repspect to the bitches)_ and that my mere existence has benefited anyone other than myself?
Some might call this a crisis of conscience or a mad cry to the heavens seeking focus and direction...
and fuck you, you know what? it fucking is.
I HAVE TO STOP FUCKING AROUND>. In my heart I know my life is meaningless unless I'm doing something to help people; to make there lives better, to give back because I don't want to be a selfish prick and die having lived only for myself leaving no meaningful impact after I'm dust.
Okay, that's a little heady for coming on midnight on a Thursday, I realize that but I'm drunk so please, bear with me.
I DOn'T KNOW.
I don't know what I want or how to get it. I'm a grown ass man and I know I'm fairly intelligent but I feel the same way I did when I was seventeen and trying to decide what my life's focuse should be. I didn't know then and I don't know now. I keep expecting a GREAT EVENT, a lightining strike, an epiphany of some sor t that illuminates the path I should be on leaving no room for uncertainty. I'm waiting to find the crispy remains of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. I'm waiting for the million letters from Hogwarts to cascade through my mail slot. I'm waiting for the Metatron to reveal my true lineage. I'm waiting for the *CLICK* that only I can hear when I discover what it is I'm truly I'm meant for.
Then again, maybe I just need to find something that makes me more money so I'd be less inclined to bitch about shit.
*sigh* It's so easy to just give up.
By the way, moving back to the whole marriage thing...Life seems a lot less complicated when I've got someone to shoulder the burden with; someone who looks at me and says, "You know what, I'm going to let you put your penis in my vagina and ON TOP OF THAT, I'm not going to make you feel stupid when you cry at the T.V. and in fact, because you exhibit the characteristics of a strong yet sensitive man I've decided that the two of us should team up...FOR LIFE and eventually combine our powers to create a super-being comprised of the best of both of us who we will raise as we see fit who will then go on to make the world his or her bitch.
You know, that would be nice.
It wasn't a particulary hard day although it was somewhat of a long day. I started at eight a.m. (for someof you that may seem normal but in THIS RETAIL LIFE I'm used to getting to work around three ansd satyaying until eleven...so an elarly (elary for me ) shift is somewhate strange. But I digress ....
I taw a about at ten hour day and honestly I didn't do that much...we've a new G.M. and he's come ing in and (rightly so) dictaged that we need to change up some stouff...like thinkngs that will impact the look and feel of the store...clean and bright kind of shit...hod on... I need another drink..wait a sec
FOUR screwdrivers later...
okay, three and a half...I'm still finighing the fourth...
So anyway, as I said it wasn't much aof a hard day, just kinda long. If you got me ranting about work a few weeks ago I would have told you "THATls IT, I'm FUCKING DONE!" but there have abeen a few changes, both in leadership and in personnel. I'm switching departments (which is good because I was starting to get boerd where I was_) as of Sunday and I'll have an opportunity to lead a new team (new to me anways)_ and this time the department I'm taking over isn't already in the shitter requireing me to go through massavie amounts of retraining and restructiouring of the associates so in that sense my job will be somewhat easier than the last time I took over a department.
I'm optimistic. The holiday is approching and even though I'm bechind schedule (my schedule anyway) in teerms of my next promotion, I'm not all that upset about it ( although that could just be the Kavlana talking, and seriously, how come I have Kavlana vodka in my freezer? I have better tast than that. Where the fuck did this bottle come from?_Then agains there is something to be said about the mouths of gift horses yeah?) so althought I'm still a step behind in terms of being in a place where I can buy my on home in this still inflated yet rapidly deflating southern California market; I'm feeling okay.
Segue: Funny thing happened over sushi today...the new G.M., whose name is Matt, announced that he's enganged as of this week. Good for him, right? At least thats what I said; I outwardly congratulated him and wished him luck on that venture and, because I'm narcissitic like that, I began to compare my life with his. A horrible endeavor because we're the same age and he's making six digits and I'm not even close to approaching that salary as of 11:32 p.m. Thursday October fourth two-thousand seven. Money isn't the only thing in life; but life can be alot easier when it's not so much of a concern. Anyway...he's got (now I'm just assuming) a nice howse, a fiance, and a job that pays him an assload of cash for the same shitty hours I'm working twenty bucks an hour for. What the fuck, you know?
It causes me to think that Maybe, just maybe, I should be doing something else. Some thing that has nothing to do with talking people in to parting with their money for a box of plastic and silicon. I should be creating joy...or supplementing it at least. Or allieviating suffering. Or preventing death. I've spent the last ten years laboring at a job that has little to no redeeming value other than it's bought me a few cars and paid my rent for a decade. But what of my footprint? What, in my profession, shows that I've contributed to the well being of my fellow man (and woman, mad repspect to the bitches)_ and that my mere existence has benefited anyone other than myself?
Some might call this a crisis of conscience or a mad cry to the heavens seeking focus and direction...
and fuck you, you know what? it fucking is.
I HAVE TO STOP FUCKING AROUND>. In my heart I know my life is meaningless unless I'm doing something to help people; to make there lives better, to give back because I don't want to be a selfish prick and die having lived only for myself leaving no meaningful impact after I'm dust.
Okay, that's a little heady for coming on midnight on a Thursday, I realize that but I'm drunk so please, bear with me.
I DOn'T KNOW.
I don't know what I want or how to get it. I'm a grown ass man and I know I'm fairly intelligent but I feel the same way I did when I was seventeen and trying to decide what my life's focuse should be. I didn't know then and I don't know now. I keep expecting a GREAT EVENT, a lightining strike, an epiphany of some sor t that illuminates the path I should be on leaving no room for uncertainty. I'm waiting to find the crispy remains of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. I'm waiting for the million letters from Hogwarts to cascade through my mail slot. I'm waiting for the Metatron to reveal my true lineage. I'm waiting for the *CLICK* that only I can hear when I discover what it is I'm truly I'm meant for.
Then again, maybe I just need to find something that makes me more money so I'd be less inclined to bitch about shit.
*sigh* It's so easy to just give up.
By the way, moving back to the whole marriage thing...Life seems a lot less complicated when I've got someone to shoulder the burden with; someone who looks at me and says, "You know what, I'm going to let you put your penis in my vagina and ON TOP OF THAT, I'm not going to make you feel stupid when you cry at the T.V. and in fact, because you exhibit the characteristics of a strong yet sensitive man I've decided that the two of us should team up...FOR LIFE and eventually combine our powers to create a super-being comprised of the best of both of us who we will raise as we see fit who will then go on to make the world his or her bitch.
You know, that would be nice.