Title: Drive Me Crazy or Not Another Teen Movie Slash Fic (1/6)
Title: Drive Me Crazy or Not Another Teen Movie Slash Fic (1/6)
Pairing: J2 AU: Jared/Jensen, Chris/Steve kinda, Sandy/Misha, very very brief Justin/Jensen and Sandy/Jared.
Author: godamnarmsrace .
Artist: acuarella_117
Rating: It will be R eventually, because all roads lead to porn in my brain.
Word Count: 4,442 of 25,986 words.
Beta: deanshot and zomzoms .
Summary: High School AU. Jensen loves Jared. They were each others whole world as kids but now Jared plays football and dates a cheerleader, while Jensen plays the guitar and dyes his hair black. Jensen loves Jared and Jared loves Jensen right back. This is the story of what happens when you fall in love with the boy next door.
Disclaimer: This never happen…at least I don’t think it did…did it? I don’t own anything but if Jensen is looking to sell himself I’m so buying *wink*.
A/N: Very loosely based on the movie 'Drive Me Crazy', which just means that I used the bits I wanted and left the rest. For the purpose of this story Jared and Jensen are the same age.
Special Special Thanks: To acuarella_117 for all her hard work. Her art is amazing and she was such a joy to work with. Please go and check it out because there is a lot more than what I’ve included with the fic. You can check it out here!
Part 1: I feel happy inside when I see your face
So the thing is Jensen has always loved Jared. Always.
And maybe Jared has always loved him right back. Always.
So it should be simple right? Just like a fairytale or something, falling in love with the boy next door and yet nothing is ever that simple.
There were moments, events, things said and left unsaid. They had all shaped how things had come to pass and now they continued to shape the future.
The way Jensen remembers the first time they met, it was hot and sunny outside after four days of non-stop rain and all he wanted to do was go play outside. There were new people moving into the house next door and Jensen was curious.
His mum finally let him out into the yard and his curiosity quickly turned to excitement, the family had a boy like Josh and a baby girl like Mac but more importantly they had a boy for Jensen.
And that was how Jensen had thought of Jared right from the very start; Jared had always been his, even before he realised that the feelings he had for Jared weren't exactly how everyone else felt about their best friends.
“Hi,” Jensen said, peering through the fence at the other boy. He was shorter than Jensen but he figured that they were close enough.
“Hey,” the other boy said. He had floppy brown hair that fell into his eyes and Jensen thought it would bug him if it was his hair but he didn't say anything about it because that would be rude, besides the boy was holding two halves of a sandwich in his hands and Jensen didn't want to scare him away. “Want some? It's cheese,” the boy offered.
“Sure,” Jensen replied excited by the gesture, taking the offered half and holding it in his own hand, clutching it tight enough to leave finger imprints in the bread. “My name is Jensen, what's yours?”
“Jared. Do you wanna play cars?” Jared replied looking hopeful and hopping from one foot to the other in barely contained excitement.
“Yeah, I have some good ones. Ask your mum if you can come over and play now,” Jensen replied before taking a bite of his cheese sandwich, only to find it was the best one he'd ever had.
The first day at school was interesting. They were both old enough finally. Jared and Jensen had been so excited to be starting school and the fact they would be going to the same school was just icing on the cake.
Their excitement was short lived after they had found out that they would be in different classes in completely different buildings. It wasn't fair. School was stupid.
For two whole days Jensen sulked while Jared got mad, but then Jared had an idea. He started going to Jensen's class instead of his own and after several days of refusing to go to the class he was meant to be attending and after their parents had been called into the school to see the principal, Jared and Jensen sat on the playground holding hands while they waited to hear their fate.
“It's my fault,” Jensen whispered.
“No, it isn't. You're not the one who wouldn't go to his own class room,” Jared argued giving Jensen's hand a small squeeze.
“Yeah but I cried. You don't like it when I cry,” Jensen said squeezing Jared's hand back, “And now you're gonna get in trouble.”
“I hate it when you cry,” Jared corrected. “But I would have done it anyway because I missed you. We should be together always Jensen.”
“I know. I wonder what our parents will do,” Jensen mused.
Jared just shrugged and said, “Dunno, I don't think they're that mad. Your mum kept laughing; your dad had to tell her to stop.”
The first time Jensen realised he loved Jared, he was six years old and he'd just realised that maybe Jared was his hero also.
“Why are you crying?” Jared asked kneeling next to Jensen where he sat in the dirt patch near the back fence where Mr. Kitty Kat had been buried two years earlier.
“Josh broke my G.I Joe,” Jensen whimpered and Jared wanted to punch Josh in the face but he was like ten feet tall so Jared just punched his fist into the dirt on the ground next to him instead. It hurt but not as much as seeing Jensen's face streaked with tears.
“Wait here,” Jared said before running next door and up into his bedroom. When he got there, he grabbed what he wanted from the centre of his bed where it held a pride of place when he was off doing other stuff and clutched it tightly in his hands. Besides Jensen and his mum and dad, it was his favourite thing in the whole world. Turning around he ran downstairs and back to Jensen's, where he found Jensen still sitting in the dirt with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Here,” Jared offered wondering if Jensen cried enough would his tears would turn the dirt to mud.
“What?” Jensen sobbed turning towards Jared.
“You can have mine,” he said thrusting his most prized possession at his best friend.
Jensen brushed the tears from his cheeks smearing dirt across his face in the process, big eyes looking up at where Jared stood blocking out the sun. “Yeah, but then you won't have one,” Jensen argued a sob shuddering through his small frame.
Jared shook his head and dropped to his knees again pushing the G.I Joe into one of Jensen's hands. “I don't care. I just want you to stop crying and be happy again because it hurts in my chest to see you sad, okay?” Jared said and waited for his friend to take the action figure.
Jensen threw his arms around Jared instead, knocking them both on the ground in the dirt. “I love you,” he whispered against Jared neck.
“You're my best friend,” Jared said thinking out aloud.
“I know,” Jensen agreed squeezing Jared even tighter if it was possible.
Jared swallowed, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden, “Okay, well I guess I love you too then.”
“Okay,” Jensen whispered so quietly that Jared could only just hear him.
But things change and they weren't kids any more, that was before and this was now. As sweet as the memories of their childhood and friendship were, things kept changing and they couldn't stay the same no matter how much Jensen wanted them to.
Jensen felt his heart breaking a little each time he spent time with Jared, because life was changing, they were changing. Both of them. And yet some things stayed the same. Like, the fact that Jensen loved Jared and the sky was still blue and water was still wet, and Jensen loved Jared.
The week before Jared's fifteenth birthday Jensen got the flu and after four days of Jensen being away from school Jared could barely stand it. He dropped his bag off at home before heading next door to see Jensen.
“I'm sorry you're still sick,” Jared said as he entered Jensen's bedroom, wrinkling his nose at all the used tissues littering both Jensen's bed and the surrounding floor.
“I'll live,” Jensen replied before blowing his nose for what looked like the four hundredth time that day but it came out sounding more like “I'll Libe.”
It was a good thing that Jared spoke sick Jensen. “Yeah, so there's a new girl at school her name's Sandy,” Jared informed Jensen for the lack of something more interesting to say.
“Sounds like a dog,” Jensen replied shaking his blankets so that all the used tissues scattered to the floor in some kind of bizarre avalanche.
Distracted and sure that Jared had heard Jensen wrong he asked, “What?”
Jensen let out a deep sigh as if Jared was really stupid or something to make him repeat himself. “I said her name, Sandy it sounds like a name you'd give a dog.”
Jared was a little horrified at that comment; Jensen was rarely nasty but maybe he felt worse than Jared had thought. “Whatever, she seems nice.”
“I'm sure,” Jensen grunted.
“You don't really care do you?” Jared asked wondering when they had started growing apart instead of just growing up. He hated it. Jensen was his best friend, had been for nearly his whole life but everyday something new seemed to push them further and further apart from one another.
“Not really,” Jensen replied with a shrug of his shoulders that sent him off into a fit of coughing that made Jared wince in sympathy. “Girls are dumb,” Jensen concluded when he had enough oxygen to speak again.
“You're dumb,” Jared replied starting to feel like they were five again.
Jensen let out a little moan that did something strange to Jared's stomach before he said, “I'm sick, you're meant to be nice to me.”
Jared chose to ignore that and the weird little flutter in his tummy he was just concerned for his friend was all. “You'd like her, she's smart like you,” he said instead.
“Maybe,” Jensen conceded with a sneeze.
“She's pretty,” Jared praised. The words just came out. He knew the words were going to cause trouble before he even said them, he just didn't know why.
Jensen let out another grunt and turned to face the wall giving Jared a great view of the back of Jensen's head complete with adorable bed-hair. “So ask her out then,” Jensen replied after a moment the words tangled up in what sounded like a hic-up.
“Dude, all I said was that she's pretty. It was just an observation not a declaration of love,” Jared said feeling frustrated. He wanted to touch Jensen, reach out and run his fingers through Jensen's hair but he didn't know why. Jensen had always twisted him up in knots but this was different somehow.
“Whatever,” Jensen replied his back still facing Jared. It stung. Their whole life up until this point had been together, they shared everything and now suddenly there were secrets and cold shoulders that had never been there before.
Jared hovered over by the door trying to decide if he should stay or if he should go. “You're clearly not fit for human consumption,” he suggested instead deciding just to wait it out a little longer to see if Jensen would break out of the funk he was clearly in at the moment.
“I know,” Jensen replied still not budging.
“Can I get you anything?” Jared offered feeling stupid for just standing there.
“No,” Jensen said quietly.
“Okay, so maybe I should go then?” Jared said not sure what else to do. He didn't want to leave but he felt weird staying if Jensen didn't want him around.
Jensen rolled over and looked at Jared. His nose was running and it was bright red just like Rudolph's, his eyes were glassy and his hair stuck up all over the place but the thing that really hit Jared was how tiny his friend looked. He looked frail. “Stay?” he asked Jared, eyes big and hopeful.
“Okay,” Jared replied toeing off his shoes and climbing into the bed next to Jensen, he'd probably end up getting sick and then his mum would be pissed but Jensen needed him and that was all that mattered. In that moment Jared didn't want to be anywhere else but here with Jensen.
Jensen's fingers tugged at the fraying sleeve of Jared's shirt and just when Jared thought they were done with talking Jensen asked, “Do you really like her?”
“I guess,” Jared answered distracted by Jensen's hands on him and not really sure how he felt about anything these days but not sure what to say either.
Jensen nodded his head against Jared's shoulder. “Okay,” Jensen said finally.
“Okay?” Jared asked confused at why such a simple word could rip the bottom out of his whole world. He didn't want it to be okay. Jared wanted Jensen to tell him that he couldn't like anyone other than Jensen but he didn't. It had been just them since they were four. Jared didn't want anyone else.
“I guess,” Jensen replied burrowing closer to Jared under the covers and if Jared didn't feel so weird and Jensen wasn't so sick then Jared would have probably claimed the behaviour as gay. Even though he was pretty sure he was the one who was gay. Instead he just twisted so he was more comfortable and then he wrapped an arm around his friend, the germ factory.
“Man, you're a major pain in the ‘you know what’ when you are sick,” he grumbled mostly for show against the top of Jensen's head. Jared was surprised at how they seemed to fit together differently and yet it felt the same, it still felt right.
“I love you too,” Jensen muttered against Jared's chest causing his stomach to flip again.
“I know, now go to sleep,” he ordered feeling truly conflicted for the first time in his young life. Jared didn't want things to change.
Jensen was finally starting to feel more human again, yeah, okay his nose still ran on occasion but other than that he was feeling better than he had all week. He was so over being sick but a week in bed had given him a lot of time to think and even though he was terrified of what might happen next he needed to talk to his parents about something that he'd been struggling with for a long time.
“Hey Mum, can I talk to you and Dad for a moment?” Jensen asked as he came into the living room where his parents sat watching the news.
Jensen's mum turned her gaze to meet his, with concern etched on her face. “Is everything okay? Jensen? Do you have a fever?” she asked him, Donna's concern bleeding into her words.
Jensen let out a deep sigh. “Everything is fine, I promise. I just have something I need to tell you both,” Jensen replied looking down at his hands, watching them shake where they rested on his lap.
It wasn't like he'd thought this was going to be easy or anything but he really didn't expect to be so damn nervous.
“Okay son, you know you can tell us anything,” Alan Ackles urged his son.
Jensen took a deep breath and looked at his parents. “I love you,” he said wanting them to hear that before they heard anything else.
“We love you too Sweetie,” his mother replied as his father nodded his head in agreement. “But you are starting to worry us.”
“I'm sorry...It's just...I'm...I'm gay,” Jensen revealed finally just blurting it out. “I'm gay.” He spread his hand over his knees wiping away the sweat that had gathered in his palms. Fuck he was so damn scared suddenly. What if they hated him now?
Jensen was startled out of his thoughts when Donna wrapped her arms around him. “We love you,” She said holding him tight. “We love who you are.”
Jensen felt a sob forming in his throat; the relief was so overwhelming that he could hardly breathe. “Dad?” he questioned still not sure how his dad was going to react. He wasn't even looking at Jensen.
“Sorry son, I got distract by the sports news. Damn Spurs beat the Maverick's again,” Alan answered shaking his head, before turning towards his son. “But about being gay, well to be honest I've sort of always thought that Jared was your boyfriend.”
Jensen shook his head in denial. “Jared's not gay just me,” he said.
“Well, I wouldn't be too sure about Jared,” Alan said reaching out a hand to pat Jensen's shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. “I love you son. No matter what, okay?”
“Okay,” Jensen said with a small smile.
“Are you going tell Jared, Sweetie?” Donna asked moving back to sit on the couch next to his dad.
Jensen shrugged his shoulders. “I guess, I mean it's not like it is something I'm going to go around hiding. Well, at least not any more. Do you think he'll hate me?”
“No, Sweetheart. Never,” Donna replied leaning forward to stroke Jensen's hair out of his eyes.
“Maybe not but things are going to change now,” Jensen said with a frown and a feeling of fear.
“Things are always changing son, but that doesn't mean they can't be good changes and besides there are still some things that never change,” Alan said with a small smile. “Everything is going to be okay.”
Jared knew something weird was going on with Jensen but he didn't know what. The fact that Jensen had asked Jared to meet him out in the tree house to talk was his first clue, they did all their major drama in the tree house but the thing that was freaking Jared out now was the way Jensen just kept pacing back and forth in front of him.
“You wanted to tell me something?” Jared said hoping to prompt Jensen into telling him what the hell this was all about. “You're kind of starting to scare me man.”
Jensen stopped pacing and faced Jared. “I wanted to tell you first but I got scared so I told my parents instead,” he said looking terrified.
Jared got up from where he'd been sitting on the floor and moved until he was standing directly in front of Jensen.
“You don't have to be scared to tell me something Jensen. No matter what it is, you're my best friend and I don't want you to ever be afraid of me,” Jared said wrapping his arms around Jensen in a hug.
Jared felt it when Jensen started to cry. He didn't know what else to say so he just stood there holding onto Jensen as tight as he could. He was afraid to let go, he was afraid of what Jensen might say and afraid of what his reaction might be.
Jared loved Jensen that was a fact that had been true almost as long as they had known each other but things had been different between them lately and Jensen was acting as if what he had to say was going to end it all.
Jared didn't want that, he almost told Jensen not to tell him but he couldn't because if Jensen needed to tell him, then Jared owed it to him to at least listen. “I don't want you to hate me,” Jensen whispered and Jared felt Jensen's lips brush against his neck with each word.
“Hey shhh! Hey, listen to me. Never. Okay? Never, I could never hate you. Nothing you could ever say to me could make that happen. Never. Even if you don't want to be my friend anymore I will always care about you,” Jared promised tightening his hold on Jensen when he tried to move away.
Jared felt out of control but he managed to let Jensen pull away enough so that he could look at Jared's face. Jared was surprised by the look of shock on Jensen's tear stained face. Jensen should have known after all these years how Jared felt about him.
“I will always want to be your friend Jared. Why would you ever think otherwise?” Jensen asked frowning.
“Things have been weird between us lately and now you have something to tell me. I guess you're not the only one who is scared that things are going to change Jensen,” Jared replied.
Jensen shook his head in denial. “I'm gay Jared. I just didn't know how to say the words out loud,” Jensen confessed tensing in Jared's arms.
Jared felt relief wash through him. He wanted to laugh, to jump for joy. “Is that all?” he asked Jensen wanting to be sure that there were no more surprises ahead. He knew his words sounded callous but he was so happy that it wasn't something that would come between them.
A strange look passed across Jensen's face but it was there one moment and gone the next and Jared had no idea what to make of it.
“No, nothing else,” Jensen said stiffly.
“Well, okay then. I love you. You're my best friend and nothing has changed between us,” Jared said with a smile. “Also, I was thinking we should go camping this summer, maybe go on a road trip and sleep under the stars at night. What do you think?” Jared asked.
“I'd love to,” Jensen replied letting his body relax in Jared's arms. In this moment everything was perfect.
Jared missed Jensen the same way he imagined he would miss a limb. He suffered from phantom pains and everything or so he told himself. But if he was being honest it, the way he felt was closer to heartbreak and really he had no one but himself to blame. He'd let it get this far all on his own.
He was miserable, living a life that was a total lie, while the only thing he'd ever given a shit about was next door probably up in his room putting on eye-liner and being pissed off at the world in general.
It wasn't like anything big had happened. They didn't have some big fight and call each other names or anything. No one threw a punch. It was like one day they were friends who meant everything to each other and the next day they just weren't any more.
The stupid thing was all it took essentially to end eleven years of friendship was one throw of a football. Jared wasn't even playing the damn game, when Jared and Jensen were ten they'd decided that they were against all group sports because of the pack mentality that seemed to come with them.
He'd been sitting under a tree with Jensen eating lunch and talking about all the camping trips they were going to take over the summer, when out of nowhere a fucking football came hurtling towards Jensen's pretty face. Before he'd even realised what he'd done Jared had the ball in his hands.
“Nice catch son,” Coach Patterson yelled. “Now pass it back.”
Jared stood up and threw the damn ball and the next thing he knew everyone was acting like he was some damn hero or something. Pulling a face at Jensen, he tried to ignore everyone talking around them.
“Wow dude, anyone would think you just solved the problem of world hunger or something,” Jensen joked.
“Yeah,” Jared agreed embarrassed by the attention and just wanting to forget that everyone was suddenly acting crazy just because he could throw a damn ball.
By the end of the day Jared had almost forgotten about the drama from lunch but when he got home his dad was ecstatic, the coach had called and said how he wanted Jared on the team next year and that there was a spot at some special football camp over the summer, that would get him into shape in time.
“I don't wanna play football dad,” Jared said dropping his bag by the front door and heading into the kitchen for a snack. “Besides, Jensen and I have plans this summer. We're going camping.”
“Look Jared we've never really made you do anything you don't want to but with Jeff already off at college a football scholarship would be a great help, especially if you really want to go to Yale with Jensen. The coach says you're a natural. Would you at least give it a chance please?” Gerald said putting his hand on Jared's shoulder.
“Fine, I'll go to the camp but if I don't like it, I'm not gonna play,” Jared said feeling worried. Was there an issue with money? His dad had never tried to push him into anything ever. So he was trapped. He had to go.
So he went to the damn camp and yeah Jensen was pissed but Jared thought when he got back they'd make fun of the jock's he'd met and everything would go back to normal. But it didn't.
Turns out some of the jocks were okay and while Jared still didn't like football he had to admit he was good at it. He'd made his dad proud too which was kinda an awesome side-effect but when he got home Jensen wasn't there and for the rest of the summer Jared sat out in the tree house that Jensen's dad had build them by himself waiting for Jensen to come back to him.
When Jensen had finally gotten home, school was starting back the next day and things had changed. They both had new friends and Jensen was in a fucking band.
But that was almost three years ago now and Jared still wasn't really sure why he'd let Jensen slip away from him for good, all he knew was that he'd regretted it every day since.
Part 2
Pairing: J2 AU: Jared/Jensen, Chris/Steve kinda, Sandy/Misha, very very brief Justin/Jensen and Sandy/Jared.
Author: godamnarmsrace .
Artist: acuarella_117
Rating: It will be R eventually, because all roads lead to porn in my brain.
Word Count: 4,442 of 25,986 words.
Beta: deanshot and zomzoms .
Summary: High School AU. Jensen loves Jared. They were each others whole world as kids but now Jared plays football and dates a cheerleader, while Jensen plays the guitar and dyes his hair black. Jensen loves Jared and Jared loves Jensen right back. This is the story of what happens when you fall in love with the boy next door.
Disclaimer: This never happen…at least I don’t think it did…did it? I don’t own anything but if Jensen is looking to sell himself I’m so buying *wink*.
A/N: Very loosely based on the movie 'Drive Me Crazy', which just means that I used the bits I wanted and left the rest. For the purpose of this story Jared and Jensen are the same age.
Special Special Thanks: To acuarella_117 for all her hard work. Her art is amazing and she was such a joy to work with. Please go and check it out because there is a lot more than what I’ve included with the fic. You can check it out here!
Part 1: I feel happy inside when I see your face
So the thing is Jensen has always loved Jared. Always.
And maybe Jared has always loved him right back. Always.
So it should be simple right? Just like a fairytale or something, falling in love with the boy next door and yet nothing is ever that simple.
There were moments, events, things said and left unsaid. They had all shaped how things had come to pass and now they continued to shape the future.
The way Jensen remembers the first time they met, it was hot and sunny outside after four days of non-stop rain and all he wanted to do was go play outside. There were new people moving into the house next door and Jensen was curious.
His mum finally let him out into the yard and his curiosity quickly turned to excitement, the family had a boy like Josh and a baby girl like Mac but more importantly they had a boy for Jensen.
And that was how Jensen had thought of Jared right from the very start; Jared had always been his, even before he realised that the feelings he had for Jared weren't exactly how everyone else felt about their best friends.
“Hi,” Jensen said, peering through the fence at the other boy. He was shorter than Jensen but he figured that they were close enough.
“Hey,” the other boy said. He had floppy brown hair that fell into his eyes and Jensen thought it would bug him if it was his hair but he didn't say anything about it because that would be rude, besides the boy was holding two halves of a sandwich in his hands and Jensen didn't want to scare him away. “Want some? It's cheese,” the boy offered.
“Sure,” Jensen replied excited by the gesture, taking the offered half and holding it in his own hand, clutching it tight enough to leave finger imprints in the bread. “My name is Jensen, what's yours?”
“Jared. Do you wanna play cars?” Jared replied looking hopeful and hopping from one foot to the other in barely contained excitement.
“Yeah, I have some good ones. Ask your mum if you can come over and play now,” Jensen replied before taking a bite of his cheese sandwich, only to find it was the best one he'd ever had.
The first day at school was interesting. They were both old enough finally. Jared and Jensen had been so excited to be starting school and the fact they would be going to the same school was just icing on the cake.
Their excitement was short lived after they had found out that they would be in different classes in completely different buildings. It wasn't fair. School was stupid.
For two whole days Jensen sulked while Jared got mad, but then Jared had an idea. He started going to Jensen's class instead of his own and after several days of refusing to go to the class he was meant to be attending and after their parents had been called into the school to see the principal, Jared and Jensen sat on the playground holding hands while they waited to hear their fate.
“It's my fault,” Jensen whispered.
“No, it isn't. You're not the one who wouldn't go to his own class room,” Jared argued giving Jensen's hand a small squeeze.
“Yeah but I cried. You don't like it when I cry,” Jensen said squeezing Jared's hand back, “And now you're gonna get in trouble.”
“I hate it when you cry,” Jared corrected. “But I would have done it anyway because I missed you. We should be together always Jensen.”
“I know. I wonder what our parents will do,” Jensen mused.
Jared just shrugged and said, “Dunno, I don't think they're that mad. Your mum kept laughing; your dad had to tell her to stop.”
The first time Jensen realised he loved Jared, he was six years old and he'd just realised that maybe Jared was his hero also.
“Why are you crying?” Jared asked kneeling next to Jensen where he sat in the dirt patch near the back fence where Mr. Kitty Kat had been buried two years earlier.
“Josh broke my G.I Joe,” Jensen whimpered and Jared wanted to punch Josh in the face but he was like ten feet tall so Jared just punched his fist into the dirt on the ground next to him instead. It hurt but not as much as seeing Jensen's face streaked with tears.
“Wait here,” Jared said before running next door and up into his bedroom. When he got there, he grabbed what he wanted from the centre of his bed where it held a pride of place when he was off doing other stuff and clutched it tightly in his hands. Besides Jensen and his mum and dad, it was his favourite thing in the whole world. Turning around he ran downstairs and back to Jensen's, where he found Jensen still sitting in the dirt with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Here,” Jared offered wondering if Jensen cried enough would his tears would turn the dirt to mud.
“What?” Jensen sobbed turning towards Jared.
“You can have mine,” he said thrusting his most prized possession at his best friend.
Jensen brushed the tears from his cheeks smearing dirt across his face in the process, big eyes looking up at where Jared stood blocking out the sun. “Yeah, but then you won't have one,” Jensen argued a sob shuddering through his small frame.
Jared shook his head and dropped to his knees again pushing the G.I Joe into one of Jensen's hands. “I don't care. I just want you to stop crying and be happy again because it hurts in my chest to see you sad, okay?” Jared said and waited for his friend to take the action figure.
Jensen threw his arms around Jared instead, knocking them both on the ground in the dirt. “I love you,” he whispered against Jared neck.
“You're my best friend,” Jared said thinking out aloud.
“I know,” Jensen agreed squeezing Jared even tighter if it was possible.
Jared swallowed, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden, “Okay, well I guess I love you too then.”
“Okay,” Jensen whispered so quietly that Jared could only just hear him.
But things change and they weren't kids any more, that was before and this was now. As sweet as the memories of their childhood and friendship were, things kept changing and they couldn't stay the same no matter how much Jensen wanted them to.
Jensen felt his heart breaking a little each time he spent time with Jared, because life was changing, they were changing. Both of them. And yet some things stayed the same. Like, the fact that Jensen loved Jared and the sky was still blue and water was still wet, and Jensen loved Jared.
The week before Jared's fifteenth birthday Jensen got the flu and after four days of Jensen being away from school Jared could barely stand it. He dropped his bag off at home before heading next door to see Jensen.
“I'm sorry you're still sick,” Jared said as he entered Jensen's bedroom, wrinkling his nose at all the used tissues littering both Jensen's bed and the surrounding floor.
“I'll live,” Jensen replied before blowing his nose for what looked like the four hundredth time that day but it came out sounding more like “I'll Libe.”
It was a good thing that Jared spoke sick Jensen. “Yeah, so there's a new girl at school her name's Sandy,” Jared informed Jensen for the lack of something more interesting to say.
“Sounds like a dog,” Jensen replied shaking his blankets so that all the used tissues scattered to the floor in some kind of bizarre avalanche.
Distracted and sure that Jared had heard Jensen wrong he asked, “What?”
Jensen let out a deep sigh as if Jared was really stupid or something to make him repeat himself. “I said her name, Sandy it sounds like a name you'd give a dog.”
Jared was a little horrified at that comment; Jensen was rarely nasty but maybe he felt worse than Jared had thought. “Whatever, she seems nice.”
“I'm sure,” Jensen grunted.
“You don't really care do you?” Jared asked wondering when they had started growing apart instead of just growing up. He hated it. Jensen was his best friend, had been for nearly his whole life but everyday something new seemed to push them further and further apart from one another.
“Not really,” Jensen replied with a shrug of his shoulders that sent him off into a fit of coughing that made Jared wince in sympathy. “Girls are dumb,” Jensen concluded when he had enough oxygen to speak again.
“You're dumb,” Jared replied starting to feel like they were five again.
Jensen let out a little moan that did something strange to Jared's stomach before he said, “I'm sick, you're meant to be nice to me.”
Jared chose to ignore that and the weird little flutter in his tummy he was just concerned for his friend was all. “You'd like her, she's smart like you,” he said instead.
“Maybe,” Jensen conceded with a sneeze.
“She's pretty,” Jared praised. The words just came out. He knew the words were going to cause trouble before he even said them, he just didn't know why.
Jensen let out another grunt and turned to face the wall giving Jared a great view of the back of Jensen's head complete with adorable bed-hair. “So ask her out then,” Jensen replied after a moment the words tangled up in what sounded like a hic-up.
“Dude, all I said was that she's pretty. It was just an observation not a declaration of love,” Jared said feeling frustrated. He wanted to touch Jensen, reach out and run his fingers through Jensen's hair but he didn't know why. Jensen had always twisted him up in knots but this was different somehow.
“Whatever,” Jensen replied his back still facing Jared. It stung. Their whole life up until this point had been together, they shared everything and now suddenly there were secrets and cold shoulders that had never been there before.
Jared hovered over by the door trying to decide if he should stay or if he should go. “You're clearly not fit for human consumption,” he suggested instead deciding just to wait it out a little longer to see if Jensen would break out of the funk he was clearly in at the moment.
“I know,” Jensen replied still not budging.
“Can I get you anything?” Jared offered feeling stupid for just standing there.
“No,” Jensen said quietly.
“Okay, so maybe I should go then?” Jared said not sure what else to do. He didn't want to leave but he felt weird staying if Jensen didn't want him around.
Jensen rolled over and looked at Jared. His nose was running and it was bright red just like Rudolph's, his eyes were glassy and his hair stuck up all over the place but the thing that really hit Jared was how tiny his friend looked. He looked frail. “Stay?” he asked Jared, eyes big and hopeful.
“Okay,” Jared replied toeing off his shoes and climbing into the bed next to Jensen, he'd probably end up getting sick and then his mum would be pissed but Jensen needed him and that was all that mattered. In that moment Jared didn't want to be anywhere else but here with Jensen.
Jensen's fingers tugged at the fraying sleeve of Jared's shirt and just when Jared thought they were done with talking Jensen asked, “Do you really like her?”
“I guess,” Jared answered distracted by Jensen's hands on him and not really sure how he felt about anything these days but not sure what to say either.
Jensen nodded his head against Jared's shoulder. “Okay,” Jensen said finally.
“Okay?” Jared asked confused at why such a simple word could rip the bottom out of his whole world. He didn't want it to be okay. Jared wanted Jensen to tell him that he couldn't like anyone other than Jensen but he didn't. It had been just them since they were four. Jared didn't want anyone else.
“I guess,” Jensen replied burrowing closer to Jared under the covers and if Jared didn't feel so weird and Jensen wasn't so sick then Jared would have probably claimed the behaviour as gay. Even though he was pretty sure he was the one who was gay. Instead he just twisted so he was more comfortable and then he wrapped an arm around his friend, the germ factory.
“Man, you're a major pain in the ‘you know what’ when you are sick,” he grumbled mostly for show against the top of Jensen's head. Jared was surprised at how they seemed to fit together differently and yet it felt the same, it still felt right.
“I love you too,” Jensen muttered against Jared's chest causing his stomach to flip again.
“I know, now go to sleep,” he ordered feeling truly conflicted for the first time in his young life. Jared didn't want things to change.
Jensen was finally starting to feel more human again, yeah, okay his nose still ran on occasion but other than that he was feeling better than he had all week. He was so over being sick but a week in bed had given him a lot of time to think and even though he was terrified of what might happen next he needed to talk to his parents about something that he'd been struggling with for a long time.
“Hey Mum, can I talk to you and Dad for a moment?” Jensen asked as he came into the living room where his parents sat watching the news.
Jensen's mum turned her gaze to meet his, with concern etched on her face. “Is everything okay? Jensen? Do you have a fever?” she asked him, Donna's concern bleeding into her words.
Jensen let out a deep sigh. “Everything is fine, I promise. I just have something I need to tell you both,” Jensen replied looking down at his hands, watching them shake where they rested on his lap.
It wasn't like he'd thought this was going to be easy or anything but he really didn't expect to be so damn nervous.
“Okay son, you know you can tell us anything,” Alan Ackles urged his son.
Jensen took a deep breath and looked at his parents. “I love you,” he said wanting them to hear that before they heard anything else.
“We love you too Sweetie,” his mother replied as his father nodded his head in agreement. “But you are starting to worry us.”
“I'm sorry...It's just...I'm...I'm gay,” Jensen revealed finally just blurting it out. “I'm gay.” He spread his hand over his knees wiping away the sweat that had gathered in his palms. Fuck he was so damn scared suddenly. What if they hated him now?
Jensen was startled out of his thoughts when Donna wrapped her arms around him. “We love you,” She said holding him tight. “We love who you are.”
Jensen felt a sob forming in his throat; the relief was so overwhelming that he could hardly breathe. “Dad?” he questioned still not sure how his dad was going to react. He wasn't even looking at Jensen.
“Sorry son, I got distract by the sports news. Damn Spurs beat the Maverick's again,” Alan answered shaking his head, before turning towards his son. “But about being gay, well to be honest I've sort of always thought that Jared was your boyfriend.”
Jensen shook his head in denial. “Jared's not gay just me,” he said.
“Well, I wouldn't be too sure about Jared,” Alan said reaching out a hand to pat Jensen's shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. “I love you son. No matter what, okay?”
“Okay,” Jensen said with a small smile.
“Are you going tell Jared, Sweetie?” Donna asked moving back to sit on the couch next to his dad.
Jensen shrugged his shoulders. “I guess, I mean it's not like it is something I'm going to go around hiding. Well, at least not any more. Do you think he'll hate me?”
“No, Sweetheart. Never,” Donna replied leaning forward to stroke Jensen's hair out of his eyes.
“Maybe not but things are going to change now,” Jensen said with a frown and a feeling of fear.
“Things are always changing son, but that doesn't mean they can't be good changes and besides there are still some things that never change,” Alan said with a small smile. “Everything is going to be okay.”
Jared knew something weird was going on with Jensen but he didn't know what. The fact that Jensen had asked Jared to meet him out in the tree house to talk was his first clue, they did all their major drama in the tree house but the thing that was freaking Jared out now was the way Jensen just kept pacing back and forth in front of him.
“You wanted to tell me something?” Jared said hoping to prompt Jensen into telling him what the hell this was all about. “You're kind of starting to scare me man.”
Jensen stopped pacing and faced Jared. “I wanted to tell you first but I got scared so I told my parents instead,” he said looking terrified.
Jared got up from where he'd been sitting on the floor and moved until he was standing directly in front of Jensen.
“You don't have to be scared to tell me something Jensen. No matter what it is, you're my best friend and I don't want you to ever be afraid of me,” Jared said wrapping his arms around Jensen in a hug.
Jared felt it when Jensen started to cry. He didn't know what else to say so he just stood there holding onto Jensen as tight as he could. He was afraid to let go, he was afraid of what Jensen might say and afraid of what his reaction might be.
Jared loved Jensen that was a fact that had been true almost as long as they had known each other but things had been different between them lately and Jensen was acting as if what he had to say was going to end it all.
Jared didn't want that, he almost told Jensen not to tell him but he couldn't because if Jensen needed to tell him, then Jared owed it to him to at least listen. “I don't want you to hate me,” Jensen whispered and Jared felt Jensen's lips brush against his neck with each word.
“Hey shhh! Hey, listen to me. Never. Okay? Never, I could never hate you. Nothing you could ever say to me could make that happen. Never. Even if you don't want to be my friend anymore I will always care about you,” Jared promised tightening his hold on Jensen when he tried to move away.
Jared felt out of control but he managed to let Jensen pull away enough so that he could look at Jared's face. Jared was surprised by the look of shock on Jensen's tear stained face. Jensen should have known after all these years how Jared felt about him.
“I will always want to be your friend Jared. Why would you ever think otherwise?” Jensen asked frowning.
“Things have been weird between us lately and now you have something to tell me. I guess you're not the only one who is scared that things are going to change Jensen,” Jared replied.
Jensen shook his head in denial. “I'm gay Jared. I just didn't know how to say the words out loud,” Jensen confessed tensing in Jared's arms.
Jared felt relief wash through him. He wanted to laugh, to jump for joy. “Is that all?” he asked Jensen wanting to be sure that there were no more surprises ahead. He knew his words sounded callous but he was so happy that it wasn't something that would come between them.
A strange look passed across Jensen's face but it was there one moment and gone the next and Jared had no idea what to make of it.
“No, nothing else,” Jensen said stiffly.
“Well, okay then. I love you. You're my best friend and nothing has changed between us,” Jared said with a smile. “Also, I was thinking we should go camping this summer, maybe go on a road trip and sleep under the stars at night. What do you think?” Jared asked.
“I'd love to,” Jensen replied letting his body relax in Jared's arms. In this moment everything was perfect.
Jared missed Jensen the same way he imagined he would miss a limb. He suffered from phantom pains and everything or so he told himself. But if he was being honest it, the way he felt was closer to heartbreak and really he had no one but himself to blame. He'd let it get this far all on his own.
He was miserable, living a life that was a total lie, while the only thing he'd ever given a shit about was next door probably up in his room putting on eye-liner and being pissed off at the world in general.
It wasn't like anything big had happened. They didn't have some big fight and call each other names or anything. No one threw a punch. It was like one day they were friends who meant everything to each other and the next day they just weren't any more.
The stupid thing was all it took essentially to end eleven years of friendship was one throw of a football. Jared wasn't even playing the damn game, when Jared and Jensen were ten they'd decided that they were against all group sports because of the pack mentality that seemed to come with them.
He'd been sitting under a tree with Jensen eating lunch and talking about all the camping trips they were going to take over the summer, when out of nowhere a fucking football came hurtling towards Jensen's pretty face. Before he'd even realised what he'd done Jared had the ball in his hands.
“Nice catch son,” Coach Patterson yelled. “Now pass it back.”
Jared stood up and threw the damn ball and the next thing he knew everyone was acting like he was some damn hero or something. Pulling a face at Jensen, he tried to ignore everyone talking around them.
“Wow dude, anyone would think you just solved the problem of world hunger or something,” Jensen joked.
“Yeah,” Jared agreed embarrassed by the attention and just wanting to forget that everyone was suddenly acting crazy just because he could throw a damn ball.
By the end of the day Jared had almost forgotten about the drama from lunch but when he got home his dad was ecstatic, the coach had called and said how he wanted Jared on the team next year and that there was a spot at some special football camp over the summer, that would get him into shape in time.
“I don't wanna play football dad,” Jared said dropping his bag by the front door and heading into the kitchen for a snack. “Besides, Jensen and I have plans this summer. We're going camping.”
“Look Jared we've never really made you do anything you don't want to but with Jeff already off at college a football scholarship would be a great help, especially if you really want to go to Yale with Jensen. The coach says you're a natural. Would you at least give it a chance please?” Gerald said putting his hand on Jared's shoulder.
“Fine, I'll go to the camp but if I don't like it, I'm not gonna play,” Jared said feeling worried. Was there an issue with money? His dad had never tried to push him into anything ever. So he was trapped. He had to go.
So he went to the damn camp and yeah Jensen was pissed but Jared thought when he got back they'd make fun of the jock's he'd met and everything would go back to normal. But it didn't.
Turns out some of the jocks were okay and while Jared still didn't like football he had to admit he was good at it. He'd made his dad proud too which was kinda an awesome side-effect but when he got home Jensen wasn't there and for the rest of the summer Jared sat out in the tree house that Jensen's dad had build them by himself waiting for Jensen to come back to him.
When Jensen had finally gotten home, school was starting back the next day and things had changed. They both had new friends and Jensen was in a fucking band.
But that was almost three years ago now and Jared still wasn't really sure why he'd let Jensen slip away from him for good, all he knew was that he'd regretted it every day since.
Part 2