What is this Country Coming To?!? Part 1
At http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/ social security online provides us with the most popular boy's and girl's names in America. I went along and started reading the top 1000 for Males. I didn't get too far.
The first thing I noticed was that my name was number 29. That's pretty high up there. I actually don't really like being that close to the top, although I'm not sure that I'd enjoy swimming in the murky depths BENEATH:
(complete shift of narrative style)
I pity the 9,362 guys who look over the world as "Angel" and the 6,386 who rule the world as "Jesus."
How could 4,923 pairs of parents (or single parents, to be politically correct) name their child Wyatt?!? And there are 4,395 Alejandros. And 3,333 Bradys. Now honestly, what kind of parent names their baby boy Brady?
It really is sad that 2,822 parents think "Cristian" is spelled this way, 2,332 think "Erik" is spelled this way, 2,313 think "Emmanuel" is spelled this way, and 2,865 think that "Dakota" applies to both genders.
I can't help but find the fact that there are 2,217 Marios DISTURBING.
1,132 have trouble spelling "Zander" in a not-strange and embarassing way while 1,096 parents like to put two "a"s in there Zackarys. 932 didn't give their children a real name (Braeden) and 914 named their childen after their favorite pasta sauce (Alfredo). 743 parents made up the name "Mauricio" and 735 don't know how to spell "Kristopher" at all.
But on this next spelling issue, the parents were split down the middle; 688 named their kids "Reese" and 687 chose "Reece". 686 made the a/e swap in "Micheal". 647 decided that "Shaun" looks better with a "u". 633 gave their kids names so terrible that they sound like superheroes:
"JUSTICE"
Amari, Guillermo, and Osvaldo with 632, 631, and 629 foolish parents respectively; need I say more?
I feel sorry for the 596 children almost named "Marvin" (their parents didn't quite make it, as instead they're name "Melvin). 482 children were blessed with the name Rodolfo (which I can swear I remember from a video game). 481 parents dropped the "n" and just named him "Steve".
Then there's Alfonso, Rolando, Adolfo, Alonzo, and Gilberto (not in that exact order or without spaces between them).
413 parents got swept away and named their sons "River" (not too bad, but awfully strange). 403 parents named their children Phoenix, which is not that bad really when compared with "Ezequiel" (definitely not spelled right) although 398 parents fell for it.
Finn and Titus tied with 390 each; in my opinion their parents should be tied with ropes and dropped off a cliff... (sorry about the bad joke, sometimes the bad puns get away)
Now then, seeing Omari, Quintin, Colten, Gunnar, and Jamison so close together (especially since they're followed by the likes of Cristopher, Keenan, Efrain, Kyan, and Ulises) I am overcome with snappy remarks and I realize that if I don't stop here, I'll have to increase the amount of remarks I make and never finish. Ever.
So for tonight I'm finished. But I may come back and try the girl's list. Or work my way up the boy's list (starting at the murky depths). This really makes me thank my parents that I'm only number 39 out of 1000. I could have had it much, much worse.
The first thing I noticed was that my name was number 29. That's pretty high up there. I actually don't really like being that close to the top, although I'm not sure that I'd enjoy swimming in the murky depths BENEATH:
(complete shift of narrative style)
I pity the 9,362 guys who look over the world as "Angel" and the 6,386 who rule the world as "Jesus."
How could 4,923 pairs of parents (or single parents, to be politically correct) name their child Wyatt?!? And there are 4,395 Alejandros. And 3,333 Bradys. Now honestly, what kind of parent names their baby boy Brady?
It really is sad that 2,822 parents think "Cristian" is spelled this way, 2,332 think "Erik" is spelled this way, 2,313 think "Emmanuel" is spelled this way, and 2,865 think that "Dakota" applies to both genders.
I can't help but find the fact that there are 2,217 Marios DISTURBING.
1,132 have trouble spelling "Zander" in a not-strange and embarassing way while 1,096 parents like to put two "a"s in there Zackarys. 932 didn't give their children a real name (Braeden) and 914 named their childen after their favorite pasta sauce (Alfredo). 743 parents made up the name "Mauricio" and 735 don't know how to spell "Kristopher" at all.
But on this next spelling issue, the parents were split down the middle; 688 named their kids "Reese" and 687 chose "Reece". 686 made the a/e swap in "Micheal". 647 decided that "Shaun" looks better with a "u". 633 gave their kids names so terrible that they sound like superheroes:
"JUSTICE"
Amari, Guillermo, and Osvaldo with 632, 631, and 629 foolish parents respectively; need I say more?
I feel sorry for the 596 children almost named "Marvin" (their parents didn't quite make it, as instead they're name "Melvin). 482 children were blessed with the name Rodolfo (which I can swear I remember from a video game). 481 parents dropped the "n" and just named him "Steve".
Then there's Alfonso, Rolando, Adolfo, Alonzo, and Gilberto (not in that exact order or without spaces between them).
413 parents got swept away and named their sons "River" (not too bad, but awfully strange). 403 parents named their children Phoenix, which is not that bad really when compared with "Ezequiel" (definitely not spelled right) although 398 parents fell for it.
Finn and Titus tied with 390 each; in my opinion their parents should be tied with ropes and dropped off a cliff... (sorry about the bad joke, sometimes the bad puns get away)
Now then, seeing Omari, Quintin, Colten, Gunnar, and Jamison so close together (especially since they're followed by the likes of Cristopher, Keenan, Efrain, Kyan, and Ulises) I am overcome with snappy remarks and I realize that if I don't stop here, I'll have to increase the amount of remarks I make and never finish. Ever.
So for tonight I'm finished. But I may come back and try the girl's list. Or work my way up the boy's list (starting at the murky depths). This really makes me thank my parents that I'm only number 39 out of 1000. I could have had it much, much worse.