Because you made me so complete dear, but you left me so alone here
I feel like life is starting to pass me by. i dunno, whatever. So I've been thinking about the subject of death a lot lately. For no reason specifically, but what bothers me is that it doesn't bother me. I think about other people dying and that bothers me, specifically the ones closest to me. But when I think about myself dying I am not bothered. I am by no means in a place in life where i wish myself to be dead, yet i think about the prospect of being dead and all that bothers me is what it would do to my loved ones. All I can say that legitimately scares me about dying would be the pain of dying, yet at the same time pain doesnt scare me either. I feel completely numb lately, especially tonight. I feel very little joy lately aside from the occasional laugh. I am amazing at my job, but it brings me little pleasure lately, and that has made my performance suffer slightly because I have begun to care less and less. I am getting frustrated easier as well. I love my friends and family more than anything, yet lately it seams I get just as much hassle as I do joy from them. This bothers me because the hassle never used to bother me either. I digress the point of this post is to try to figure out in my own head why I have been so hollow lately. I quite literally have the feeling of a huge void in my chest. My instincts tell me I am sad about something, but there is nothing for me to be sad about short of things I have already accepted and moved on from. death never bothered me much to begin with, and I have never really feared death, but to legitimately not care is something new. i dunno, gunna try working out a bit and listen to some music i suppose.